Chapter 7. When I finally left Ash’s room, I found Evie in the living room curled up on the couch, engrossed in her e-reader

When I finally left Ash’s room, I found Evie in the living room curled up on the couch, engrossed in her e-reader. She looked up as I walked in the room and cocked her eyebrows at me inquisitively.

“Well, I would say ‘good morning, sunshine’ except that it’s almost time for dinner and you would get all pissy about the ‘sunshine’ thing,” she said, clearly not happy with me. I shook my head at her and gave her the “please-not-now” look.

“Where’s Jess?” I asked hoping to redirect her thoughts. “What are you reading?”

“Jess is at work and I’m reading Taking Chances; I’m at 38% and it’s getting really good. You should read it, I think you’ll really be able to relate to this one,” she said with a sliver of dissent in her tone.

I ignored her attempted dig, I wasn’t even sure what she was referencing. “I was going to start that one this weekend, I saw that it got really good reviews. Why do you say that I’ll be able to relate?”

“Oh you’ll see,” she smirked as she stood up and stretched her petite body, uncoiling it as if she hadn’t moved for hours. “Come on, get your stuff, I’m ready to go back to our place.”

After I collected my things from Jess’ room, we jumped in Evie’s car and headed the short distance back to our dorm. The first few minutes we didn’t say a word to one another. I wasn’t sure why she was so pissed off at me to be quite honest, and of all times in my life, I really needed her support at that moment. I was an emotional basket case.

Evie broke the silence. “So are you going to tell me what happened last night, or are you just going to let me assume the worst?”

“I… I… I don’t know what happened. I’m a mess.” I said putting my face in my hands and shaking my head.

“O-kay. Well, let me start the story for you, tell you the parts that I know, then you can finish it and correct me if I’m wrong,” she offered.

Without waiting for a response from me she began recapping the events of the night before. “Last night, we went to Jess’ house where we met her roommates Meg and Ash. You and Ash eye-fucked each other up until the point we got to the party, which is where you and I discussed you not getting involved with him. You then met and made out with Dylan, a hottie that seemed like a pretty nice guy, that was clearly into you and only you. Meanwhile there was Ash, who had not just one, but two whore bags that hung all over him and suck faced with him all night. Everything seemed to be going great up until the point you and Ash decided to make the jam session a contest on whose song choice lyrics could piss the other off more.”

I raised my eyebrows at her last comment and she looked over at me in the passenger seat and laughed, “Yeah, I picked up on it pretty quickly. I thought “You’re So Vain” was a nice touch, totally unexpected but completely appropriate.

“Anyways, so we left the party, you and Dylan seemed to part on good terms, and you and Ash didn’t say another word to one another. Right after we got back to the house, you, me, and Jess got ready for bed and went to sleep,” she continued. “Now this is where it gets a little sketchy for me because the next thing I remember is waking up at 11:00 this morning in an empty bed. Jess was in the shower getting ready for work and you were nowhere to be found. I checked in the living room, thinking maybe you had gotten uncomfortable with all of us in the bed, and moved to the couch… but noooo. I looked in the kitchen, the bathroom, even Meg’s room, but you weren’t in any of those places. I knew you couldn’t have gone far since your purse and phone were on the kitchen counter, but after about 30 minutes I started doubting my she-went-for-a-walk theory. Before I went into complete freak out mode, Jess convinced me to let her peek into Ash’s room just to make sure you weren’t in there, which of course, I knew you wouldn’t be…

“So you can imagine my surprise when she told me that you were cozily sleeping, wrapped in Ash’s arms.” She pulled her car into the parking space at our place but neither of us moved. “What the fuck, Sam? The one thing I had told myself last night was that I wasn’t going to let you sleep with anyone. I know that you feel inexperienced compared to everyone else, I know that you feel like you need to hurry up and do everything, but there are other virgins in college. I didn’t want it to happen your first night out… not like that… not with someone like him!” She was yelling at me at this point while pounding her fists on the steering wheel.

“Evie, wait,” I cut her off mid-rant. “I didn’t have sex with Ash.”

“You didn’t?” she asked, confusion covering her face.

“Uh. No. Give me a little credit, My God, E. I mean, I do have a little self-respect.” I said. I tried to lighten the conversation, “I may be a little desperate and over-eager but I’m at least going to require a good dinner before I spread my legs for someone and I would prefer that he hadn’t been with someone else in the previous 24 hours, neither of which Ash fulfilled.”

Evie’s shoulders dropped as she exhaled a huge sigh. “Oh, thank God. Do you have any idea of the guilt I’ve been living with for the past few hours? Thinking that I had failed in my best friend responsibilities? I mean I went to the point of getting in bed with you at 3:00 in the morning, thinking we were all going to sleep… only to find you in the bed of some self-proclaimed man-whore the next day!” her voice escalated again. “If you didn’t fuck him, what did you do? What happened exactly?”

“Can we please go to our room to finish this conversation?” I asked, hoping a break from talking and the fresh air would calm her down a bit. She nodded and we grabbed our bags and headed upstairs.

As soon as the door closed, Evie turned to me and grabbed me in a tight hug. “I’m sorry I was upset with you. I’m sorry I assumed that you would do that. I know you are upset right now, so tell me what happened. Tell me everything and we will work through this.”

This was why I loved Evie. She was the best thing in my life, and I knew that she would always give me advice that was in my best interest. She was my life-cheerleader. Evie had saved my sanity on more than one occasion and I couldn’t live without her. So I told her everything.

“Everything you said earlier was right,” I began, as we moved to the couch. “When I first met Ash at the house last night, I had this crazy reaction to him, like the kind of thing we read about - my body got overheated, I had goose bumps all over, my stomach clenched, you know. It was weird, almost indescribable, but as soon as I heard Jess say what a ladies’ man he is and then the smooth talking he did when he introduced himself to me… well, I thought I was just being silly, just overreacting like an idiot to the first hot guy I met, one that obviously excels at charming females into bed. So when I met Dylan, I did like him… I mean, I do like him. He is great - all the things you said, I really enjoyed talking with him, we got along great, he was respectful, and yes, he isn’t hard on the eyes.” I stopped to pull up a vision of Dylan in my head and swoon momentarily. “I didn’t think about Ash at all when I was hanging out with Dylan, until we came inside and Ash starts that shit with the songs. It was like he was singing the words to me, trying to make me uncomfortable… to piss me off. And obviously, it worked, which is why I played what I did, as you picked up on.

“I was still irritated with him when we got back to the house, I had no intentions of even talking to him again. But I couldn’t sleep, so I got up to get a drink, and he came into the kitchen for a drink too, and he asked me why you called me Sam.”

“What? Why?” Evie asked.

“I don’t know, I guess he was just curious about where the name came from. I told him about my strange aversion to nicknames. And it was so weird, that connection was there again. It’s undeniable; I don’t even know how to describe it. He asked me to go to his room to talk, he promised he wouldn’t touch me and for some reason, I believed him.” Evie rolled her eyes and shook her head at me simultaneously.

“I know, I know, just trust me. So we went to his room, talked just a little really… not about much of anything. And then we shared the most explosive, soul-capturing kiss in the history of mankind and then we went to sleep,” I said nonchalantly and looked at the floor.

Evie’s mouth opened and for a moment nothing came out. “And? You’re just going to leave me with that?”

“No, the next part is where it gets confusing,” I started to say.

“Oh, because up until now it all made perfect sense?” she interjected sarcastically.

“Please,” I begged. “Just bear with me.”

She nodded as to tell me to continue.

“So this afternoon when we woke up, it was like waking up in heaven, Evie. Our arms and legs were tangled together, his masculine scent all around me, I could feel his erection on my back… it was seriously like a scene from one of our books. I was afraid to move, afraid to break the moment. And as most things that seem too good to be true, it was.

“When we woke up, Ash told me that we couldn’t see each other or anything, that last night was it. He acknowledged that there was some unexplainable fascination between the two of us, different from just a physical attraction, but I needed this time of, oh what did he call it? Oh, my time of changing from a girl to a woman, or some bull shit. He said that I was better without him and that he would just hurt me or hold me back. So basically he was letting me go because it was the best thing for me. And then he called me his butterfly, his Psyche… whatever the hell he meant by that. Honestly, I was too caught up in the fantasy of the whole thing, I didn’t want to ruin it by asking. It was like my one little night of fairytale.”

I released a defeated sigh as I laid down on the couch with my head in Evie’s lap and my feet dangling off the side. “So now I don’t know what to think. Part of me feels like it’s fucking absurd to believe that two days after moving here, I met my soul mate, who just so happened to be the first male I was introduced to, oh and he’s a man-whore that doesn’t want to give up other pussy but wants to call me cool names like Butterfly and Psyche.” I looked up at her and said as seriously as possible. “By the way, Psyche and Butterfly are both way fucking cooler names than Sam. You could’ve done much better.” I couldn’t keep my face straight through the last word, I started cracking up. Evie stood up laughing too, causing me to roll off the couch and hit the floor with a thud. This just made me laugh harder.

“Come on Butterfly,” she said mockingly as she stood with her hands stretched out to me to help pull me up. “Get your wings out and fly our asses to the store. We need to stock up on food and drinks. Tonight we are having a Magic Mike and banana split party; watching Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer’s asses prance around while eating ice cream is the perfect distraction for you. Right now, you need to let your mind rest, stop thinking about it ~ about Ash, about Dylan, about everything.

Evie was right, I needed to stop over thinking it, over analyzing it. Ever since I had left Ash’s room, I had been replaying different moments of our time in his bed. I needed to let it go, at least for now.

“Sounds like a plan, but don’t think I’ve forgotten that you owe me breakfast and the score in the book whore challenge is now 1-0.” I joked, trying to pull myself out of my funk.

“Whatever, last night was just a practice round for you… I was too worried about watching over you, making sure you didn’t act like a fool or have too much to drink,” she argued.

I just shook my head and laughed; I wasn’t giving up this victory.

Evie had also been right about Magic Mike and the ice cream, it was exactly what I needed to forget about everything else. Exhausted by the events of the last week, I went to sleep easily when the movie ended, with visions of men in black pants and ties dancing in my head.

The following day, Monday, was our last free day before classes were to begin. It was raining outside so Evie and I both decided to stay in our room to recharge before our schedules became insanely hectic. I was way behind on my reading so I decided to have a rainy-day-read-a-polooza. Following Evie’s lead, I downloaded Taking Chances and the recommended play list and immersed myself in the lives of Harper, Brandon, and Chase. I loved listening to the playlists suggested by the authors when reading their book. To me it’s like the background music to a movie, it provides another sensory layer to the story. It’s amazing how the right music can enhance a good book, it heightens the intensity levels at those crucial moments.

About an hour in, I clearly understood why Evie wanted me to read this book. I could completely relate to Harper ~ starting college naïve and inexperienced, being attracted to more than one guy, trying to figure out who she was. The story captivated me from the beginning; I couldn’t put it down. Just as I was really falling in love with the characters, when I had decided how I wanted the story to end, the book took an unforeseen turn, a twist that was gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, and tear-inducing. I then spent the next three and a half hours crying, for most of the second half of the book, as the author slowly put my broken heart back together again.

When I got to the end of the book, I was completely overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally, and I broke down. I cried and I cried and I cried some more.

I cried in sadness, and I cried with joy. I cried for unwanted goodbyes, and I cried for unexpected hellos. I cried for all the things that could’ve been, and I cried for the beauty of what actually was. I cried for Harper and Brandon and Chase, and I cried for me.

At some point in my melt down, Evie had joined me on my small bed and held me while I sobbed. This cry was not about Ash and Dylan; the events of the previous night were just the proverbial straw, and break me it did. This cry was eighteen years in the making, a release long overdue. I cried until exhaustion took over and I fell asleep.

When I woke up a couple of hours later, I felt much better. My body had desperately needed the rest. I found Evie lounging on the couch watching Magic Mike again.

“This movie really makes everything better,” she said as I sat down next to her. “At least for a couple of hours.”

“Thank you for everything, Evie.” I whispered. I curled up against her and she put her arm around my shoulders. “I couldn’t do this without you; I would’ve given up long ago if it wasn’t for you.”

“I know, sweet Sam girl,” she said. “But you are worth fighting for, I’ll never let you give up. I love you too much.”

“I love you too, Evie.”