Chapter 8

“You should probably slow down a little bit,” Anna said gently.

“Holy shit! I’m doing ninety-five.” Lily eased up on the accelerator and dropped her speed to a respectable eighty miles per hour. She was still speeding, but no longer leading the pack on the Grapevine, that infamous twisting, climbing stretch of Interstate 5 north of LA. “I can’t believe how powerful this thing is. I love it.”

A driver had delivered the silver X3, a demonstrator model with over ten thousand miles, to Lily’s apartment on Sunday afternoon. Anna had ignored her offer of thirty thousand, fixing the final price at twenty-five, financed over four years at a rock-bottom percentage rate. It was the same deal she would have given Kim or Hal, and she was glad to do it for Lily.

“I’m not carrying enough cash to get you out of jail,” Anna warned. “You’ll have to spend the night.”

Traffic was pretty light for a Friday night. They had both left work early to get a head start north to San Jose. Anna was glad for the chance to come along on Lily’s visit with her mother. She had heard a lot about Eleanor and couldn’t wait to meet the woman Lily credited with rescuing her from a dire future.

“Do you think I can persuade your mom to tell me stories about little Lily Stewart?”

“I’m sure she will. Did you get in touch with your friend?”

“Yeah, I’m meeting her in San Francisco for dinner tomorrow night. You’re welcome to come.”

“Thanks, but you guys have a lot to catch up on.”

“No kidding. The last time I saw Liz was at my wedding almost two years ago. She couldn’t believe it when I told her we had already gotten a divorce.”

“Does she know the whole story?”

Anna shook her head. “The only people who know are you, Kim and Hal.”

“Oh.” Lily glanced at her and then back at the road. “I think I might have said something to Sandy and Suzanne. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. They don’t know Scott. I just don’t want people who know him to think he’s a terrible person. He’s not. He just screwed up. We all do that.”

“I still can’t believe you took that so well. Everyone else in the human race would have gone ballistic.”

Anna was well aware others were more bothered by Scott’s behavior than she was. “You know what I think it was? I think... I’ve never told anybody this, so please don’t say anything, okay?”

“Of course I won’t.”

“I think at a subconscious level I saw it as a way out. I felt justified in leaving him, especially since I thought he might actually rather be with Sara than me. I felt like I could end it without hurting him.”

“You were that unhappy?”

“Not exactly.” Anna had been sorting through her feelings even more since her talk with Kim about where to go from here. “I just realized I wasn’t as happy as I wanted to be. And that was my fault, because I should never have agreed to get married in the first place.”

“So why did you?”

“Good question. I guess I thought it was time. I was thirty years old and had everything else worked out already. I’d been thinking about whether or not I was going to have kids. When I met Scott, it just seemed like things were falling into place. He liked who I was. He wanted the same things.”

“Did you love him, Anna?”

“I thought so. I just... it’s embarrassing to say this.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, but if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.”

“I thought being married would be more than just adding sex to a friendship. But it wasn’t. I loved Scott, just not like I wanted to. When we ran into Sara and the baby, what bothered me most was that it didn’t bother me enough.”

Though the dashboard lights shone on Lily’s face, Anna couldn’t make out her expression. Still, she knew Lily well enough by now to know there wouldn’t be a trace of judgment.

Lily reached over the console and patted her arm. “I hate to think about you going through all of that by yourself. I wish I’d been around for you to talk to.”

Anna closed her hand over Lily’s. It was nice having such a close friend, someone she felt free to touch, whether through a hug or a kiss on the cheek, or just holding hands as they did now. “You were. If you hadn’t gotten me to talk this out in the mall, I might have gone back home to Scott and just given in. Instead, I called my lawyer from the hospital and had him draw up the papers.”

“I’m glad it’s behind you, Anna. You deserve to be happy.”

“We all do.”

Just before ten o’clock, Lily pulled to the curb in front of a small, two-story Victorian. Anna grabbed her overnight bag and followed Lily along the sidewalk to the lighted porch. The front door opened, and an unassuming woman of about sixty stepped out. From somewhere in the corner of her mind, Anna remembered the image of this woman standing over Lily’s stretcher as she was loaded into the ambulance at the Endicott Mall.

“Hi, baby! I’m so glad you’re here.” The two embraced and hugged fiercely, their devotion unmistakable. A long moment passed before they broke apart.

“Mom, I want you to meet someone very special. This is Anna Kaklis. Anna, this is my mom, Eleanor Stewart.”

Anna reached out her hand to the older woman, but Eleanor was having none of that. She pulled Anna close and hugged her tightly. “Thank you for saving my daughter.”

In a now familiar scene, Anna answered in their usual way. “You’re welcome. But I couldn’t have done that if she hadn’t saved me first.”

They entered the cozy house and were met at once by a handsome basset hound. “This is my boy Chester. He’s never met a stranger, so he’ll probably follow you around the house. If he gets on your nerves, just push him away.”

Taking her cue from Lily, Anna set her bag beside the staircase before following Eleanor into the small living room. The comfortable room held a stuffed swivel rocker and loveseat for the house’s human occupants, and a sprawling flannel beanbag for the adorable hound. Chester took his place in the center of the room as she and Lily got comfortable on the loveseat, but changed his mind and came to sit at Anna’s feet, following her every move with his droopy brown eyes.

“Hi there, fella. I hear you’re easy,” she said, reaching out to scratch behind his ears.

“Did you have a nice trip in that new car?” Eleanor asked.

“It was great,” Lily answered. “I’ll take you for a ride tomorrow and Anna can show you all the features. I haven’t even learned where everything is yet.”

Eleanor addressed Anna. “You should have seen Lily when she got the Toyota. For the whole first week, she parked it out there under the streetlight and slept with her curtains open so she could get up and look at it.”

“I was seventeen, Mom.”

Anna smiled at Lily, who was blushing. “If there’s anyone who understands what it is to love a car, it’s me.”

For the next hour, Anna and Eleanor talked about Lily as though she weren’t in the room, including Eleanor’s version of how Lily had come to live with her first grade teacher. Factually, it was the same as Lily’s, but included details about Lily’s childhood scuffles and the legal hoops Eleanor had to jump through to finalize the adoption.

Anna’s eyes wandered about the room as they talked, taking in the pictures and trinkets. When they later toured the house room by room, her thoughts drifted to what it must have been like for Lily growing up here. The house was warm, homey and filled with love.

 

Anna’s lifelong love affair with San Francisco was fading as she cruised Guerrero Street for the fourth time looking for a place to park. Liz had suggested Stella’s, a trendy neighborhood place in the Mission District only a few blocks from where she lived.

Finally, she caught someone leaving and maneuvered the X3 into the tiny space. In minutes, she arrived at the restaurant, where she was greeted by her beaming friend.

“You look fabulous. Do you mind me saying that divorce agrees with you?”

“I’m finding it pretty agreeable,” Anna said.

“No, really. I talked to Janice last Christmas and she said she ran into you.”

Like Liz, Janice Ripley was a friend from Cal Poly. “I remember. She brought her boyfriend to look at cars.”

“I don’t think he’s her boyfriend anymore.”

“Good. The twit ended up buying a Grand Marquis.”

Liz laughed. “You judge everyone by their car, don’t you?”

“It’s what I know.”

“Then let’s not talk about my minivan.”

“There aren’t many people who look good in a minivan, but you’re definitely one of them.” Liz had always been a little on the heavy side, but her Italian features were striking. The olive complexion, the large brown eyes, and jet black hair always earned her a second look.

“I know you’re blowing smoke up my ass, but I love you anyway. Janice said you were thin as a rail.”

That was about a month after she learned of Scott’s tryst. “Yeah, I was going through some hard times. But my appetite’s returned with a vengeance,” she said, grasping the menu in hopes of diverting their conversation. “How are Rick and Chloe?”

“They’re fine. They wanted to see you, but I wanted you all to myself.”

Through dinner, they caught up with one another, Anna glossing over details of her divorce, and Liz leaving out nothing with regard to her husband and daughter. Eventually, they got around to talking about the earthquake and Anna’s serendipitous encounter with Lily in the courthouse.

“Do you ever hear from Carolyn?” Liz asked casually when the story was finished.

Anna always warmed when she thought of Carolyn Bunting, one of her closest friends at Cal Poly. As sophomores, they were practically inseparable. But when they returned for their junior year, Carolyn was distant, always busy with other things, other people. Anna had been deeply hurt, the ache taking months to subside.

“Not recently. But I saw her last year at the reunion. You and Rick were in Europe, I think.”

“How was she?”

“Great. It was really nice to see her again. We talked a long time. She’s living in Seattle working for one of those big software developers. She introduced me to her partner, a woman who works in the Seahawks’ front office.” Anna let the words settle a moment to see how Liz would react. “Did you know back in college that Carolyn was gay?”

“Yes, I did. Did you know she was in love with you?”

Anna felt her stomach drop. A flood of emotions long buried crept into her consciousness. “Why do you say that?”

“She told me. She called me in Sacramento after sophomore year. She asked me if I thought it was possible you felt the same way about her.” Liz took a deep breath, as if nervous about what she was about to say. “I told her I knew for a fact you didn’t think about women that way. Then I said it wasn’t right for her to feel like that and pretend to just be your friend.”

Anna sighed heavily and leaned back in her chair. “Well, that explains a lot. I never really understood why she didn’t want to be friends anymore when we came back in the fall.”

Liz reached across the table and took Anna’s hand. “The problem is that I didn’t know anything for a fact. I answered her that way because I didn’t want the two of you to be like that. It took moving to San Francisco to realize how ignorant and narrow-minded I was. And I’ve always regretted what I said to Carolyn.”

So many things made sense now, and not just with regard to how Carolyn had acted. For the first time, Anna entertained the fleeting possibility that her heartache at being abandoned was rooted in feelings of romantic love. “I’m sure you did what you thought was best at the time.”

“No, you’re not letting me off the hook that easily. I’ve wondered if Carolyn wasn’t just what you really needed, especially after—don’t kill me—after I saw you with Scott at your wedding.”

“What do you mean after you saw me with Scott?” Anna waved the waiter away as he tried to refill her water glass.

“I told Rick you looked like you did when you turned in your senior thesis.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’d just checked off something else on your to-do list, not like you’d married the man of your dreams.”

Anna’s objections died in her throat. Liz had just put into words the very doubts she had harbored since the moment she decided to marry, the doubts she was just beginning to understand.

“I’m sorry, Anna.”

“No, it’s okay.” She realized she was staring at her napkin, and forced herself to look at Liz. “I sometimes felt that way... like getting married was an end unto itself.”

“And maybe with Scott, it was. But the reason I’m telling you this isn’t because of Scott, or even Carolyn. It’s because of your friend Lily.”

“What does Lily have to do with any of this?”

“You should hear yourself talk about her. And the look on your face, I swear, Anna. It’s the one I should have seen with Scott.”

Anna was stunned, not just by Liz’s observation, but by the realization she was indeed drawn to Lily in such a powerful way. “Lily is important to me.”

“Important like me? Or important like Scott?”

“Do you think I’m gay?”

“I can’t answer that for you, but maybe you should ask yourself if you could accept it if you were.”

Anna huffed and shook her head, sure the look on her face was giving away her anxiety at having this topic on the table. It was the same reaction she’d had last weekend when Kim urged her to follow Lily and set things right. “It’s hardly how I’ve thought about myself for the last thirty-two years.”

“That wasn’t the question.” Liz pinned her in place with a pointed stare. “Maybe you’ve let yourself get too focused on the wrong to-do list. If Lily turned out to be the one who made you happy, would you let her?”

“I don’t... if... what...” Anna couldn’t even form a rational thought.

“Seriously, how do you feel about her being a lesbian, Anna? Does that aspect of her interest you?”

“Yes,” she answered quietly, feeling a sudden pressure on her chest as she confessed the secret she hadn’t allowed herself to entertain. “Yes, it does.”

“It sounds to me like you ought to play it out and see where it goes. At least give yourself permission to consider it. If it isn’t right for you, you’ll know it. But if it is right, it might be your only chance to be really happy.”

 

“Have you told her?” Lily’s mother joined her on the loveseat to watch for Anna’s return.

“Told her what?”

“That you’re in love with her.”

Lily sighed and turned toward the window. “No, I haven’t. I’m afraid it would freak her out.”

“She doesn’t strike me as the sort of person who would rattle easily.”

“No, but I don’t want to make things weird for her. Can you imagine what it would be like to know your friend has sexual feelings you can’t reciprocate?”

“I don’t have to imagine it, Lily. I lived it for more than twenty years.”

Lily was sure she had misheard. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that, for twenty years, my best friend was in love with me. She told me that when you were eight years old, and again just a few weeks before she died.”

“Katharine?”

“Of course. And I loved her... as much as I ever loved anyone, just not the way she wanted.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”

Her mother shrugged. “It was one of those private things, Lily. Especially when Brenda came along.”

“That must have been awkward,” she said, remembering the woman Katharine dated for several years.

“Not really. As far as I know, Katharine never told her.”

“But...” Lily couldn’t understand how their friendship had weathered such a strain. “Didn’t it ever bother you to know she felt that way?”

“No, why would it? She never forced the issue. She just laid it out there and said if I ever decided to take a walk on the wild side, she’d like to be my escort.”

It was exactly the sort of thing Lily would have expected from Katharine. “What a corny line! I love it.”

“I loved it too. It was just so...”

“Katharine.” It was fascinating to see her mom in a new light. “So you never had any problems with it?”

Eleanor shook her head. “None at all. We were honest with each other, and we both accepted the way things were. I never asked her to give me up, and she never pressed me for anything more than friendship.”

Lily sighed and looked back out the window, her eyes misting. “I don’t know, Mom. I think it would kill me if it drove her away.”

Eleanor placed her palm on the side of Lily’s face. With her thumb, she touched the tear that hovered. “She’s a very special lady, sweetheart. Some things might be worth the risk.”

From behind her sunglasses, Anna stole glances at Lily as they drove south toward LA. After sleeping on her revealing conversation with Liz, it was impossible not to see Lily in a new light. And it wasn’t at all the unnatural feeling she might have expected. On the contrary, it felt familiar. She had acknowledged that day on the boat that she found Lily physically attractive...

Anna shook her head slightly. Even the word attractive meant something different today. There was undeniably something about Lily that attracted her, that made her want to have Lily physically close. Holding her as she had beneath the blanket on the boat had been soothing, and now, the thought of more intimate touching stirred her in a surprising way.

Totally absorbed in the mental recounting of her talk with Liz, Anna realized neither she nor Lily had spoken for quite some time. She wondered if Lily had a hint of her musings, or if she had ever entertained similar thoughts.

As if in answer, Lily suddenly grasped her hand, which was draped over the console. “Thanks for coming with me this weekend. It really meant a lot to Mom... and to me.”

Anna intertwined their fingers and squeezed gently. They rode in silence like that for many miles, Anna acutely aware of their connection. She concentrated hard on the sensations, the simple touch and the warmth it rendered. She never held hands with her other friends. Why did this feel so natural?

And did she have the nerve to do something about it?

 

Recognizing the number on the display, Lily kicked her office door shut before answering. “Greetings.”

“It snowed last night in the Sierras.”

Lily smirked, but didn’t answer.

“I know. You’re fine. Thanks for asking.”

“Hello to you, too. What’s with the weather report?” Lily had begun to accept Anna’s habit of starting her conversations in the middle. It was part of her charm.

Anna cleared her throat and enunciated formally. “I’m calling to request the pleasure of your company for Thanksgiving in Tahoe with the Kaklis clan.”

Normally, an invitation like this would have been a nobrainer for Lily. An opportunity to spend a holiday with Anna was not something to be trifled with. But Lily was a strong believer in family traditions. She hadn’t missed Thanksgiving with Eleanor since she was seven years old. “As tempting as that sounds, I always spend Thanksgiving with Mom.”

“So how far is Tahoe from San Jose?”

“Mmmmm... about four hours. Why? You want to come down and have turkey with us?”

“No, this is called arm-twisting. I was hoping if you had a few days off you could drive up and spend at least a day or two with us. We could ski, or maybe go to a show at one of the casinos in Reno.”

“That sounds like so much fun.” Anything with Anna would be fun, but Lily didn’t want to make a fool of herself on the slopes. “But I’m really not much of a skier.”

“That doesn’t matter. We’ll find something to do.”

“Tell you what. I’ll talk it over with Mom. I don’t want to hurt her feelings if she’s got something planned. When do you need to know?”

“No deadline really. We’re all going anyway, and there should be plenty of room. We can play it by ear. But I’d love to have you there. Especially when I’m thinking about things I’m thankful for.”

Anna probably had no idea that everything she said or did made Lily fall in love with her more.

 

The Lincoln Navigator’s ride was impressive, but Anna couldn’t imagine driving something that large as an everyday vehicle. “I wonder why Dad was so anxious about getting back home. He usually hates going back after Thanksgiving because Christmas is so busy.”

“My guess is he didn’t want to be here when Lily got here,” said Kim, who had come along on the ride to drop their parents at the airport in Reno.

“Lily?” Anna had talked it out with her father after the birthday incident and was satisfied the incident was behind them. “I told him she was okay with everything.”

“I think it’s him who isn’t okay.”

“What the hell is going on with him? He’s never been like this before.”

“Yes, he was. You just didn’t hear about it. The rest of us did, though.”

Anna’s irritation grew as her sister dragged out her cryptic explanation. “Spill it, Kim.”

“It was back when you were in college and you brought your friend home. What was her name? Carolyn?”

“Carolyn Bunting,” she said brusquely.

“I remember Dad going on and on about how he just knew she was a lesbian, and he wished you’d make different friends.”

“What could he possibly have against lesbians?”

“It isn’t about them, Anna. It’s about you. He’s scared to death you’re going to be led astray.” The last words were said with obvious sarcasm.

Anna slammed both hands on the steering wheel angrily. “Does everybody in the world think I’m gay?”

Kim blew out a deep breath and looked away.

“Talk to me, Kim.”

“If you tell me you aren’t, I’ll believe you. But what I see between you and Lily looks like more than just friendship.”

“But it isn’t.” With every word, this conversation was sounding more like the one she had with Liz. “What is it you see?”

“You talk about her all the time. And when she’s there, you can’t take your eyes off her. You’re different when you’re with her... like you’re happy just because she’s there. I know that isn’t exactly down and dirty sex, but you never did that with Scott.”

Yes, this was shaping up exactly like the conversation with Liz, Anna thought. “Something’s happening, Kim. I don’t know what it is, but yes, I’m attracted to Lily.”

“Good, because for what it’s worth—and brace yourself, because I’m actually about to be serious—I like Lily better than anyone you’ve ever brought home, and I like you with Lily.”

Anna still hadn’t given herself permission to go forward. “I haven’t said anything to her, so please try not to propose on my behalf.”

“Are you going to talk to her this weekend?”

Anna shook her head. “I wouldn’t have a clue what to say.”

“Just don’t say no. Not without being sure it isn’t what you want. And whatever you do, don’t let Dad intimidate you. Remember how he tried to do the same thing to me when I started seeing Hal? That’s why we eloped.”

It was undeniable their father was a notorious meddler when it came to their personal affairs. But she had to admit, his approval of Scott had been an important factor in her decision to get married. That made her an accomplice to her father’s interference, because she bent to his wishes. But not this time. Kim was right— she had to follow her feelings with Lily wherever they led.

 

The drive had taken almost five hours, as fresh snow had narrowed Interstate 80 traffic to one lane at the higher elevations, but Lily was fearless in her four-wheel drive X3. She arrived at the rental cabin just after one in the afternoon. The surrounding woods were a beautiful white, and the smell of wood smoke filled her nostrils when she stepped from the SUV. Two other four-wheel drive vehicles, a Lincoln Navigator that looked like a rental and a Jeep Wrangler with a Cal-Berkeley alumni sticker, were already parked alongside the cabin.

A grinning Anna opened the door and pulled her inside. “Get in here and shut the door before all the heat gets out!”

“I had a lovely trip. Thanks for asking.” Lily fell into a warm embrace.

“Shhhhh! What did I tell you about raising people’s expectations?”

“Where is everybody?”

“Kim and Hal are on the slopes with Todd. He’s a friend from their Berkeley days. I took Mom and Dad to the airport in Reno this morning.”

If Lily had to bet, George Kaklis left town to avoid having to spend time with her. “Does your father hate me?”

“No, of course not. He got the silent treatment from all of us for a few days, so I think he’s learned his lesson. I was going to put you in the room they had, but I didn’t know Todd was coming up today. He was Hal’s fraternity brother and best man when they snuck off and got married.” She led the way up the staircase. “You’ll be stuck with me, if that’s okay.”

Lily followed Anna into a small room, smiling to herself with anticipation until she saw the twin beds. “Hey, you put up with me in a tent. I guess I can suffer sharing a room.”

The others returned just before dark, and they settled in for a relaxing evening by the fire. Hal and Todd traded memories of fraternity pranks as the women simply shook their heads in disbelief.

“You guys are so crude,” Kim said in disgust. “Lily’s got the right idea. I’m surprised more women aren’t lesbians.”

“There’s still time,” Anna joked.

“You know what they say,” Lily said in agreement. “Better latent than never!”

On Saturday morning, Lily trudged behind the others along the path to the lift. Compared to the stylish sisters, she felt like a ragamuffin. The snow pants she wore were from pudgier days, and they bagged around her hips. Struggling clumsily with her rented boots and skis, she more than once considered taking a pass before she made a complete fool of herself. But with Anna’s encouragement, she gamely plowed on.

She did fine on her first two runs, picking her way slowly down the center of the trail as Anna and Todd crisscrossed one another playfully. On the third trip, just when she felt she had the hang of it, a boy of about ten clipped her elbow as he raced past. Flailing desperately to keep her balance, she teetered first one way then the next, finally ending up sprawled face down in the snowbank at the side of the trail.

As if being knocked down by a kid wasn’t humiliating enough, she was acutely aware that Anna, who had been skiing behind her, had seen the whole thing. The idea that she had just made a fool of herself in front of the one person she was trying to impress struck her as ridiculously funny. What else could she do but laugh?

“Lily, are you all right?” The panic in Anna’s voice was unmistakable.

“I’m fine,” she said, laughing as Anna grasped her shoulders and rolled her over.

Her laughter stopped abruptly when she met Anna’s gaze, a frantic look that faded instantly to relief. In the next several seconds, something sparked between them—something unmistakably ardent—and her heart began to race. Their faces were mere inches apart, and Lily was almost certain they were closing for a kiss.

“Is everything okay here?” Todd threw a spray of powder as he appeared out of nowhere, shattering the moment.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Injured pride is all.” Lily glanced back at Anna, who had looked away and was now intent on helping her to her feet. “I told you I wasn’t much of a skier.”

The three started slowly down the mountain.

“That was hardly your fault, Lily.” Anna took her elbow to lend her support. “That kid wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing. Are you sure you’re all right?”

Lily wasn’t hurt, but the familiar tickle in her chest signaled an impending asthma attack. “Actually, I’m fine, but I think my asthma is kicking up. I get this way sometimes when I exercise in the cold. Laughing so much probably pushed me over the edge.”

Anna stopped suddenly and grabbed her shoulders, clearly panicked. “Did you remember your medicine? Do you need a doctor? What should I do?”

“Don’t worry about me.” Lily loosened her clips to remove her skis. “It isn’t bad, and I have my medicine in my locker. As long as I don’t do anything to make it worse, I should be fine.”

“We should stop for the day. We’ll go back to the cabin and you can rest.”

“Or maybe you can sit in there and watch us come down,” Todd suggested, pointing to the lodge with its two-story glass view of the slopes.

The idea of heading back to the cabin to explore whatever it was Todd had interrupted certainly had its appeal. But Lily didn’t want to come off like a baby, especially with Todd clearly antsy about heading back up the slope with Anna.

She turned to Anna and smiled. “You missed a whole day of skiing yesterday because you were waiting for me. Todd’s right. I’ll can sit in there and watch you guys.”

“I don’t want to leave you by yourself,” Anna said, obviously worried.

“I’ll be fine. I promise. I’ll feel bad if you miss out on your fun, so please go on.”

“Come on, Anna. We’ll be the entertainment committee,” Todd said.

Anna looked at her. “Are you sure?”

“Go!” She gave both of them a playful shove. “Just don’t leave without me. You know how I’d hate to miss dinner.”

When they left, she turned in her boots and gathered her belongings from the rented locker. As usual, the medicine took effect right away and she felt better at once. She laughed out loud when she spotted Anna, Todd, Kim and Hal skiing toward the bottom in a makeshift conga line.

 

“We’re gonna kick your ass!” Hal hissed to Lily.

“Aw, you sissies couldn’t score if our whole team laid down on the field.” The football wars were underway, as the Cal Bears took the field in Berkeley against the UCLA Bruins for the final game of the season. Hal and Todd had dragged the television to the center of the vaulted living room, arranging the sofa and loveseat close enough for all to see the action.

Kim and Hal staked their claim to the couch, and snuggled together affectionately. Todd took a seat opposite the pair on the loveseat. When she and Anna entered the room, he looked directly at Anna and gestured to the open space beside him.

“Hey, not fair.” Lily said. The only empty seat was at the end of the couch with Kim and Hal. “You three Berkeley Bozos should have to sit together.”

“That’s right,” Kim said. “We should sit together and do cheers.”

“Nice try,” said Todd. “I’m not getting near you two. The whole couch might spontaneously combust at any moment.”

And he wasn’t giving up Anna either, Lily thought cynically.

The game was one of the most exciting contests Lily could remember. Her Bruins scored first, which was good. The Bears answered back, which was bad. The Bruins intercepted, which was good again. Then the Bears recovered a fumble, which was bad. But the Bruins blocked a punt, which was great, because they ran it back to midfield.

Then something awful happened. Todd put his arm around Anna’s shoulder. And it was all Lily could do not to go over there and knock it off.

Anna suddenly stood, leaving Todd’s grasp. “Does anyone want anything to drink?” She disappeared into the kitchen as Kim and Hal called out their orders.

“Go help her, Lily,” Kim suggested.

“I’ll do it,” Todd said, jumping to his feet and padding behind her.

An eternity passed in the next five minutes, and Lily could stand it no longer. “I’ll go see if they need a hand.” Full of apprehension, she walked quietly toward the kitchen.

The sight of Anna kissing the young man was like a blow to the gut.

 

Anna placed her hand firmly against Todd’s chest and pushed him away. “I don’t know where that came from, but if I’ve been sending you those signals, I apologize.”

Todd looked at her sheepishly. “I, uh... just wishful thinking on my part, I guess.”

“You’re a nice guy, Todd. But I don’t think of you that way.”

“Noted,” he said, looking every bit the school kid who was getting scolded by his teacher.

They both burst out laughing, breaking the tension.

“I think this would be a really good time for a beer run,” he said. “I could use the fresh air.”

Anna shook her head as she watched him leave through the side door. That could have gone a lot worse. At least both of them were laughing about it. She couldn’t wait to tell Lily.

As she turned to finish fixing the drinks, she was struck by an irony. If Lily had followed her into the kitchen, Anna probably would have initiated the kiss. Smiling at that thought, she returned to the TV room juggling three drinks. “Where’s Lily?”

Kim sat up and took her glass. “She said something about her asthma bothering her again.”

Anna clambered up the stairs to the small room they shared, alarmed to find Lily already in bed, facing the wall. “Are you okay?” She sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed Lily’s back.

“Yeah, I took some more medicine. I need to go to sleep, but I’ll be fine.”

Lily’s reassurances did little to calm her fears, especially since this attack had come on so quickly. “Is there anything I can get you?”

“No, I just need to be alone so I can rest.”

“Okay.” Anna didn’t want to leave, but she had to do what was best for Lily. Before leaving, she placed a light kiss on her temple. “Please feel better.”

 

When Anna awoke, her first thought was of Lily and how she had fared through the night. Sitting up, she was pleased to see the empty bed, a sign she was up and about. Then she realized the folded paper on the pillow was a note.
Anna,

Thank you so much for the invitation this weekend. I had a wonderful time. Sorry I missed the end of the game last night. My asthma usually doesn’t act up like that, but sometimes it happens when I’m in a place I’m not used to. Anyway, I’m fine now. I woke up early and thought I’d hit the road. I’ve got a busy week in court, so I could use a head start on getting my cases ready. Things are always busy at the office around the holidays, but maybe we’ll have a chance to get together once things calm down. Have a safe trip home. Thanks again.

Lily

 

“You’re a stupid fucking idiot!” Lily yelled to herself as she barreled south on the Golden State Freeway. “What the fuck did you think you were doing? What part of married to a man did you not fucking understand?” Only one word came close to expressing her frustration, and she couldn’t seem to use it enough.

She had lain awake practically all night, fighting back tears as she tried to recall anything careless she had done to tip her hand. Her worst fear was not even that Anna was interested in Todd. It was that she wasn’t interested in Lily, and felt she needed to send that message because she was picking up vibes that made her uncomfortable.

It was okay to fucking kiss a guy you barely knew. But god help you if you felt something for another woman—a woman who had been through an earthquake with you, for fuck’s sake.

Either way, Lily was humiliated for even thinking she had a chance to be more than just Anna’s friend. Everyone could see the futility of her stupid fucking dreams but her. And she would never hear the end of it from Suzanne.

After last night’s little show, Anna probably figured she had Lily’s advances under control now, and things would go back to normal when they returned to LA. But nothing could be normal again, as far as Lily was concerned. The idea of seeing Anna with Todd—or anyone else—was more than she could deal with. The best thing she could do was back off completely. Then Anna could do whatever the fuck she wanted.

The sudden appearance of red and blue lights in her rearview mirror caused her to look down at her speedometer. “Oh, fuck.”