By Christopher Isherwood 2 страница. And now, in reply to the questions of Mrs

 

And now, in reply to the questions of Mrs. Strunk and, the others, George answers that, yes indeed, he has just heard from Jim and that Jim is fine. They ask him less and less often. They are inquisitive but quite incurious, really.

 

But your book is wrong, Mrs. Strunk, says George, when it tells you that Jim is the substitute I found for a real son, a real kid brother, a real husband, a real wife. Jim wasn't a substitute for anything. And there is no substitute for Jim, if you'll forgive my saying so, anywhere.

 

Your exorcism has failed, dear Mrs. Strunk, says George, squatting on the toilet and peeping forth from his lair to watch her emptying the dust bag of her vacuum cleaner into the trash can. The unspeakable is still here--right in your very midst.

 

DAMNATION. The phone. Even with the longest cord the phone company will give you, it won't reach into the bathroom. George gets himself off the seat and shuffles into the study, like a man in a sack race.

 

"Hello."

 

"Hello--is that--it is you, Geo?"

 

"Hello, Charley."

 

"I say, I didn't call too early, did I?"

 

"No." (Oh dear, she has managed to get him irritated already! Yet how can he reasonably blame her for the discomfort of standing nastily unwiped, with his pants around his ankles? One must admit, though, that Charlotte has a positively clairvoyant knack of picking the wrong moment to call.)

 

"You're sure?"

 

"Of course I'm sure. I've already had breakfast."

 

"I was afraid if I waited any longer you'd have gone off to the college.... My goodness, I hadn't noticed it was so late! Oughtn't you to have started already?"

 

"This is the day I have only one class. It doesn't begin until eleven-thirty. My early days are Mondays and Wednesdays." (All this is explained in a tone of slightly emphasized patience.)

 

"Oh yes--yes, of course! How stupid of me! I always forget."

 

(A silence. George knows she wants to ask him something. But he won't help her. He is rubbed the wrong way by her blunderings. Why does she imply that she ought to know his college schedule? Just more of her possessiveness. Then why, if she really thinks who ought to know it, does she get it all mixed up?)

 

"Geo--" (very humbly) "would you possibly be free tonight?"

 

"Afraid not. No." (One second before speaking he couldn't have told you what he was going to answer. It's the desperation in Charlotte's voice that decides he isn't in the mood for one of her crises.)

 

"Oh--I see.... I was afraid you wouldn't be. It is short notice, I know."

(She sounds half stunned, very quiet, hopeless. He stands there listening for a Nob. None can be heard. His face is puckered into a, grimace of guilt and discomfort--the latter caused by his increasing awareness of stickiness and trussed ankles.)

 

"I suppose you couldn't--I mean--I suppose it's something important?"

 

"I'm afraid it is." (The grimace of guilt relaxes. He is mad at her now.

He won't be nagged at.)

 

"I see.... Oh well, never mind." (She's brave, now.) "I'll try you again, may I, in a few days?"

 

"Of course." (Oh--why not be a little nicer, now she's been put in her place?) "Or I'll call you."

 

(A pause.)

 

"Well--goodbye, Geo."

 

"Goodbye, Charley."

 

TWENTY minutes later, Mrs. Strunk, out on her porch watering the hibiscus bushes, watches him back his car out across the bridge. (It is sagging badly nowadays. She hopes he will have it fixed; one of the children might get hurt.) As he makes the half-turn onto the street, she waves to him. He waves to her.

 

Poor man, she thinks, living there all alone. He has a kind face.

 

IT is one of the marvels and blessings of the Los Angeles freeway system that you can now get from the beach to San Tomas State College in fifty minutes, give or take five, instead of the nearly two hours you would have spent, in the slow old days, crawling from stop light to stop light clear across the downtown area and out into the suburbs beyond.

 

George feels a kind of patriotism for the freeways. He is proud that they are so fast, that people get lost on them and even sometimes panic and have to bolt for safety down the nearest cutoff. George loves the freeways because he can still cope with them; because the fact that he can cope proves his claim to be a functioning member of society. He can still get by.

 

(Like everyone with an acute criminal complex, George is hyperconscious of all bylaws, city ordinances, rules and petty regulations.

Think of how many Public Enemies have been caught just because they neglected to pay a parking ticket! Never once has he seen his passport stamped at a frontier, his driver's license accepted by a post-office clerk as evidence of identity, without whispering gleefully to himself, Idiots--fooled them again!)

 

He will fool them again this morning, in there, in the midst of the mad metropolitan chariot race--Ben Hur would certainly chicken out--jockeying from lane to lane with the best of them, never dropping below eighty in the fast left lane, never getting rattled when a crazy teen-ager hangs on to his tail or a woman (it all comes of letting them go first through doorways) cuts in sharply ahead of him. The cops on their motorcycles will detect nothing, yet, to warn them to roar in pursuit flashing their red lights, to signal him off to the side, out of the running, and thence to escort him kindly but ever so firmly to some beautifully ordered nursery-community where Senior Citizens ("old," in our country of the bland, has become nearly as dirty a word as "kike" or "nigger") are eased into senility, retaught their childhood games but with a difference: it's known as "passive recreation" now. Oh, by all means let them screw, if they can still cut the mustard; and, if they can't, let them indulge without inhibitions in baby-like erotic play. Let them get married, even--at eighty, at ninety, at a hundred--who cares? Anything to keep them busy and stop them wandering around blocking the traffic.

 

 

 

THERE'S always a slightly unpleasant moment when you drive up the ramp which leads onto the freeway and become what's called "merging traffic."

George has that nerve-crawling sensation which can't be removed by simply checking the rearview mirror: that, inexplicably, invisibly, he's about to be hit in the back. And then, next moment, he has merged and is away, out in the clear, climbing the long, easy gradient toward the top of the pass and the Valley beyond.

 

And now, as he drives, it is as if some kind of auto-hypnosis exerts itself. We see the face relax, the shoulders unhunch themselves, the body ease itself back into the seat. The reflexes are taking over; the left foot comes down with firm, even pressure on the clutch pedal, while the right prudently feeds in gas. The left hand is light on the wheel; the right slips the gearshift with precision into high. The eyes, moving unhurriedly from road to mirror, mirror to road, calmly measure the distances ahead, behind, to the nearest car.... After all, this is no mad chariot race--that's only how it seems to onlookers or nervous novices--it is a river, sweeping in full flood toward its outlet with a soothing power. There is nothing to fear, as long as you let yourself go with it; indeed, you discover, in the midst of its stream-speed, a sense of indolence and ease.

 

And now something new starts happening to George. The face is becoming tense again, the muscles bulge slightly at the jaw, the mouth tightens and twitches, the lips are pressed together in a grim line, there is a nervous contraction between the eyebrows. And yet, while all this is going on, the rest of the body remains in a posture of perfect relaxation. More and more it appears to separate itself, to become a separate entity: an impassive anonymous chauffeur-figure with little will or individuality of its own, the very embodiment of muscular co-ordination, lack of anxiety, tactful silence, driving its master to work.

 

And George, like a master who has entrusted the driving of his car to a servant, is now free to direct his attention posture elsewhere. As they sweep over the crest of the pass, he is becoming less and less aware of externals--the cars all around, the dip of the freeway ahead, the Valley with its homes and gardens opening below, under a long brown smear of smog, beyond and above which the big barren mountains rise. He has gone deep down inside himself.

 

What is he up to?

 

On the edge of the beach, a huge, insolent high-rise building which will contain one hundred apartments is growing up within its girders; it will block the view along the coast from the park on the cliffs above. A spokesman for this project says, in answer to objections, Well, that's 16

 

 

progress. And anyhow, he implies, if there are people who are prepared to pay $450 a month for this view by renting our apartments, why should you park-users (and that includes George) get it for free?

 

A local newspaper editor has started a campaign against sex deviates (by which he means people like George). They are everywhere, he says; you can't go into a bar any more, or a men's room, or a public library, without seeing hideous sights. And they all, without exception, have syphilis. The existing laws against them, he says, are far too lenient.

 

A senator has recently made a speech, declaring that we should attack Cuba right now, with everything we've got, lest the Monroe Doctrine be held cheap and of no account. The senator does not deny that this will probably mean rocket war. We must face this fact; the alternative is dishonor. We must be prepared to sacrifice three quarters of our population (including George).

 

It would be amusing, George thinks, to sneak into that apartment building at night, just before the tenants moved in, and spray all the walls of all the rooms with a specially prepared odorant which would be scarcely noticeable at first but which would gradually grow in strength until it reeked like rotting corpses. They would try to get rid of it with every deodorant known to science, but in vain; and when they had finally, in desperation, ripped out the plaster and woodwork, they would find that the girders themselves were stinking. They would abandon the place as the Khmers did Angkor; but its stink would grow and grow until you could melt it clear up the coast to Malibu. So at last the entire structure would have to be taken apart by worker s in gas masks and ground to powder and dumped far out in the ocean.... Or perhaps it would be more practical to discover a kind of virus which would eat away whatever it is that makes metal hard. The advantage that this would have over the odorant would be that only a single injection in one spot would be necessary, for the virus would then eat through all the metal in the building. And then, when everybody had moved in and while a big housewarming party was in progress, the whole thing would sag and subside into a limp tangled heap, like spaghetti.

 

Then, that newspaper editor, George thinks, how funny to kidnap him and the staff-writers responsible for the sex-deviate articles--and maybe also the police chief, and the head of the vice squad, and those ministers who endorsed the campaign from their pulpits--and take them all to a secret underground movie studio where, after a little persuasion--no doubt just showing them the red-hot pokers and pincers would be quite sufficient--they would perform every possible sexual act, in pairs and in groups, with a display of the utmost enjoyment. The film would then be developed and 17

 

 

prints of it would be rushed to all the movie theaters. George's assistants would chloroform the ushers so the lights couldn't be turned up, lock the exits, overpower the projectionists, and proceed to run the film under the heading of Coming Attractions.

 

And as for that senator, wouldn't it be rather amusing to… No.

 

(At this point, we see the eyebrows contract in a more than usually violent spasm, the mouth thin to knife-blade grimness.) No. Amusing is not the word. These people are not amusing. They should never be dealt with amusingly. They understand only one language: brute force.

 

Therefore we must launch a campaign of systematic terror. In order to be effective, this will require an organization of at least five hundred highly skilled killers and torturers, all dedicated individuals. The head of the organization will draw up a list of clearly defined, simple objectives, such as the removal of that apartment building, the suppression of that newspaper, the retirement of that senator. They will then be dealt with in order, regardless of the time taken or the number of casualties. In each case, the principal criminal will first receive a polite note, signed "Uncle George,"

explaining exactly what he must do before a certain deadline if he wants to stay alive. It will also be explained to him that Uncle George operates on the theory of guilt by association.

 

One minute after the deadline, the killing will begin. The execution of the principal criminal will be delayed for some weeks or months, to give him opportunity for reflection. Meanwhile, there will be daily reminders. His wife may be kidnapped, garroted, embalmed and seated in the 'living room to await his return from the office. His children's heads may arrive in cartons by mail, or tapes of the screams his relatives utter as they are tortured to death. His friends' homes may be blown up in the night. Anyone who has ever known him will be in mortal danger.

 

When the organization's 100 per cent efficiency has been demonstrated a sufficient number of times, the population will slowly begin to learn that Uncle George's will must be obeyed instantly and without question.

 

But does Uncle George want to be obeyed? Doesn't he prefer to be defied so he can go on killing and killing, since all these people are just vermin and the more of them that die the better? All are, in the last analysis, responsible for Jim's death; their words, their thoughts, their whole way of life willed it, even though they never knew he existed. But, when George gets in as deep as this, Jim hardly matters any more. Jim is nothing now but 18

 

 

an excuse for hating three quarters of the population of America... George's jaws work, his teeth grind, as he chews and chews the cud of his hate.

 

But does George really hate all these people? Aren't 'they themselves merely an excuse for hating? What is (George's hate, then? A stimulant, nothing more; though very bad for him, no doubt. Rage, resentment, spleen--

of such is the vitality of middle age. If we say that he I.; quite crazy at this particular moment, then so, probably, are at least half a dozen others in these many curs around him, all slowing now as the traffic thickens, going downhill, under the bridge, up again past the Union Depot.... God! Here we are, downtown already! George comes up dazed to the surface, realizing with a shock that the chauffeur-figure has broken a record: never before has it managed to get them this far entirely on its own. And this raises a disturbing question: Is the chauffeur steadily becoming more and more of an individual? Is it getting ready to take over much larger areas of George's life?

 

No time to worry about that now. In ten minutes they will have arrived on campus. In ten minutes, George will have to be George--the George they have named and will recognize. So now he consciously applies himself to thinking their thoughts, getting into their mood. With the skill of a veteran he rapidly puts on the psychological make-up for this role he must play.

 

No sooner have you turned off the freeway onto San Tomas Avenue than you are back in the tacky sleepy slowpoke Los Angeles of the thirties, still convalescent from the Depression, with no money to spare for fresh coats of paint. And how charming it is! An up-and-down terrain of steep little hills with white houses of cracked stucco perched insecurely on their sides and tops, it is made to look quaint rather than ugly by the mad, hopelessly intertwisted cat's cradle of wires and telephone poles. Mexicans live here, so there are lots of flowers. Negroes live here, so it is cheerful.

George would not care to live here, because they all blast all day long with their radios and television sets. But he would never find himself yelling at their children, because these people are not The Enemy. If they would ever accept George, they might even be allies. They never figure in the Uncle George fantasies.

 

The San Tomas State College campus is back on the other side of the freeway. You cross over to it by a bridge, back into the nowadays of destruction-recon-struction-destruction. Here the little hills have been trucked away bodily or had their tops sliced off by bulldozers, and the landscape is gashed with raw terraces. Tract upon tract of low-roofed dormitory-dwellings (invariably called "homes" and described as "a new 19

 

 

concept in living") are being opened up as fast as they can be connected with the sewers and the power lines. It is a slander to say that they are identical; some have brown roofs, some green, and the tiles in their bathrooms come in several different colors. The tracts have their individuality, too. Each one has a different name, of the kind that realtors can always be relied on to invent: Sky Acres, Vista Grande, Grosvenor Heights.

 

The storm center of all this grading, shoveling, hauling and hammering is the college campus itself. A clean modern factory, brick and glass and big windows, already three-quarters built, is being finished in a hysterical hurry. (The construction noises are such dint in some classrooms the professors can hardly be heard.) When the factory is fully operational, it will he able to process twenty thousand graduates. But, in less than ten years, it will have to cope with forty or fifty thousand. So then everything will be torn down again and built up twice as tall.

 

However, it is arguable that by that time the campus will be cut off from the outside world by its own Larking lots, which will then form an impenetrable forest of cars abandoned in despair by the students during the week-long traffic jams of the near future. Even now, the lots are half as big as the campus itself and so full that you have to drive around from one to another in search of a last little space. Today George k lucky. There is room for him on the lot nearest his classroom. George slips his parking card into the slot (thereby offering a piece of circumstantial evidence that he is George); the barrier rises in spastic, mechanical jerks, and he drives in.

 

George has been trying to train himself, lately, to recognize his students' cars. (He is continually starting these self-improvement projects: sometimes it's memory training, sometimes a new diet, sometimes just a vow to read some unreadable Hundredth Best Book. Ile seldom perseveres in any of them for long.) Today fie is pleased to be able to spot three cars--

not counting the auto scooter which the Italian exchange student, with a courage or provincialism bordering on insanity, rides up and down the freeway as though he were on flit Via Veneto. There's the beat-up, not-so-white Ford coupe belonging to Tom Kugelman, on the back of which he has printed now WHITE. There's the Chinese-I Hawaiian boy's grime-gray Pontiac, with one of those joke-stickers in the rear window: THE ONLY

ISM I BELIEVE IN IS ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM. The joke isn't a joke in his particular case, because he really is an abstract painter. (Or is this some supersubtlety?) At all events, it seems incongruous that anyone with such a sweet Cheshire-cat smile and cream-smooth skin and cat-clean neatness could produce such gloomy muddy canvases or own such a filthy car. He has the beautiful name of Alexander Mong. And there's the well-20

 

 

waxed, spotless scarlet MG driven by Buddy Sorensen, the wild watery-eyed albino who is a basketball star and wears a "Ban the Bomb" button. George has caught glimpses of Buddy streaking past on the freeway, laughing to himself as if the absurd little sitzbath of a thing had run away with him and he didn't care.

 

So now George has arrived. He is not nervous in the least. As he gets out of his car, he feels an upsurge of energy, of eagerness for the play to begin. And he walks eagerly, with a springy step, along the gravel path past the Music Building toward the Department office. He is all actor now--an actor on his way up from the dressing room, hastening through the backstage world of props and lamps and stagehands to make his entrance. A veteran, calm and assured, he pauses for a well-measured moment in the doorway of the office and then, boldly, clearly, with the subtly modulated British intonation which his public demands of him, speaks his opening line: "Good morning!"

 

And the three secretaries--each one of them a charming and accomplished actress in her own chosen style--recognize him instantly, without even a flicker of doubt, and reply "Good morning!" to him. (There is something religious here, like responses in church--a reaffirmation of faith in the basic American dogma that it is, always, a good morning. Good, despite the Russians and their rockets, and all the ills and worries of the flesh. For of course we know, don't we, that the Russians and the worries are not really real? They can be un-thought and made to vanish. And therefore the morning can be made to be good. Very well then, it is good.) Every teacher in the English Department has his or her pigeonhole in this office, and all of them are stuffed with papers. What a mania for communication! A notice the least important committee meeting on the most of subjects will be run off and distributed in hundreds of copies. Everybody is informed of every-thing. George glances through all his papers and then tosses the lot into the wastebasket, with one exception: an oblong card slotted and slitted and ciphered by an IBM machine, expressing some poor bastard of a student's academic identity. Indeed, this card is his identity.

Suppose, instead of signing it as requested and returning it to the Personnel office, George were to tear it up? Instantly, that student would cease to exist, as far as San Tomas State was concerned. He would become academically invisible and only reappear with the very greatest difficulty, after performing the most elaborate propitiation ceremonies: countless offerings of forms filled out in triplicate and notarized affidavits to the pods of the IBM.

 

George signs the card, holding it steady with two fingertips. He dislikes even to touch these things, for they are the runes of an idiotic but 21

 

 

nevertheless potent and evil magic: the magic of the think-machine gods, whose cult has one dogma, We cannot make a mistake. Their magic consists in this: that whenever they do make a mistake, which is quite often, it is perpetuated and thereby becomes a non-mistake.... Carrying the curd by its extreme corner, George brings it over to one of the secretaries, who will see that it gets back to Personnel. The secretary has a nail file on her desk.

George picks it up, saying, "Let's see if that old robot'll k now the difference," and pretends to be about to punch another slit in the card. The girl laughs, but only a split-second look of sheer terror; and the laugh itself is forced. George has uttered blasphemy.

 

Feeling rather pleased with himself, he leaves the Department building, headed for the cafeteria.

 

He starts across the largish open space which is the midst of the campus, surrounded by the Art Building, the gymnasium, the Science Building and the Administration Building, and newly planted with grass and some hopeful little trees which should make it leafy and shadowy and pleasant within a few years; that is to say, about the time when they start tearing the whole place apart again. The air has a tang of smog--called "eye irritation" in blandese. The mountains of the San Gabriel Range--which still give San Tomas State something of the glamour of a college high on a plateau of the Andes, on the few days you can see them properly--are hidden today as usual in the sick yellow fumes which arise from the metropolitan mess below.

 

And now, all around George, approaching him, crossing his path from every direction, is the male and female raw material which is fed daily into this factory, along the conveyer belts of the freeways, to be processed, packaged and placed on the market: Negroes, Mexicans, Jews, Japanese, Chinese, Latins, Slavs, Nordics, the dark heads far predominating over the blond. Hurrying in pursuit of their schedules, loitering in flirty talk, strolling in earnest argument, muttering some lesson to themselves alone--all book-burdened, all harassed.

 

What do they think they're up to, here? Well, there is the official answer: preparing themselves for life, which means a job and security in which to raise children to prepare themselves for life which means a job and security in which. But, despite all the vocational advisers, the pamphlets pointing out to them what good money you can earn if you invest in some solid technical training--pharmacology, let's say, or accountancy, or the varied opportunities offered by the vast field of electronics--there are still, incredibly enough, quite a few of them who persist in writing poems, novels, plays! Goofy from lack of sleep, they scribble in snatched moments between 22

 

 

classes, part-time employment and their married lives. Their brains are dizzy with words as they mop out an operating room, sort mail at a post office, fix baby's bottle, fry hamburgers. And somewhere, in the midst of their servitude to the must-be, the mad might-be whispers to them to live, know, experience--what? Marvels! The Season in Hell, the Journey to the End of the Night, the Seven Pillars of Wisdom, the Clear Light of the Void.... Will any of them make it? Oh, sure. One, at least. Two or three at most--in all these searching thousands.

 

Here, in their midst, George feels a sort of vertigo. Oh God, what will become of them all? What chance have they? Ought I to yell out to them, right now, here, that it's hopeless?

 

But George knows he can't do that. Because, absurdly, inadequately, in spite of himself, almost, he is a representative of the hope. And the hope is not false. No. It's just that George is like a man trying to sell a real diamond for a nickel, on the street. The diamond is protected from all but the tiniest few, because the great hurrying majority can never stop to dare to believe that it could conceivably be real.

 

Outside the cafeteria are announcements of the current student activities: Squaws' Night, Golden Fleece Picnic, Fogcutters' Ball, Civic Society Meeting and the big game against LPSC. These advertised rituals of the San Tomas Tribe aren't quite convincing; they are promoted only by a minority of eager beavers. The rest of these boys and girls do not really think of themselves as a tribe, although they are willing to pretend that they do on special occasions. All that they actually have in common is their urgency: the need to get with it, to finish that assignment which should have been handed in three days ago. When George eavesdrops on their conversation, it is nearly always about what they have failed to do, what they fear the professor will make them do, what they have risked not doing and gotten away with.

 

The cafeteria is crammed. George stands at the door, looking around.

Now that he is a public utility, the property of STSC, he is impatient to be used. He hates to see even one minute of himself being wasted. He starts to walk among the tables with a tentative smile, a forty-watt smile ready to be switched up to a hundred and fifty watts just as soon as anyone asks for it.

 

Now, to his relief, he sees Russ Dreyer, and Dreyer rises from his table to greet him. He has no doubt been on the lookout for George. Dreyer has gradually become George's personal attendant, executive officer, bodyguard. He is an angular, thin-faced young man with a flat-top haircut and rimless glasses. He wears a somewhat sporty Hawaiian shirt which, on him, seems like a prim shy concession to the sportiness of the clothes around 23