Parents are Too Permissive with Their Children Nowadays

Few people would defend the Victorian attitude to children, but if you were a parent in those days, at least you knew where you stood: children were to be seen and not heard. Freud and company did away with all that and parents have been bewildered ever since.

... The child's happiness is all-important, the psychologists say, but what about the parents' happiness? Parents suffer constantly from fear and guilt while their children gaily romp about pulling the place apart. A good old-fashioned spanking is out of the question: no modern child-rearing manual would permit such barbarity. The trouble is you are not allowed even to shout... Certainly a child needs love... and a lot of it. But the excessive permissiveness of modern parents is surely doing more harm than good.

Psychologists have succeeded in undermining parents' confi­dence in their own authority. And it hasn't taken children long to get wind of the fact. In addition to the great modern classics on child care, there are countless articles in magazines and newspapers. With so much unsolicited advice flying about, mum and dad just don't know what to do any more. In the end, they do nothing at all. So, from early childhood, the kids are in charge and parents' lives are regulated according to the needs of their offspring. When the little dears develop into teenagers, they take complete control. Lax authority over the years makes adolescent rebellion against parents all the more violent. If the young people are going to have a party, for instance, parents are asked to leave the house. Their presence merely spoils the fun. What else can the poor parents do but obey?

Children are hardy creatures (far hardier than the psychologists would have us believe) and most of them survive the harmful influ­ence of extreme permissiveness which is the normal condition in the modern household. But a great many do not. The spread of ju­venile delinquency in our own age is largely due to parental laxity. Mother, believing that little Johnny can look after himself, is not at home when he returns from school, so little Johnny roams the streets. The dividing line between permissiveness and sheer negli­gence is very fine indeed.

The psychologists have much to answer. They should keep their mouths shut and let parents get on with the job. And if children are knocked about a little bit in the process, it may not really matter too much... Perhaps, there's some truth in the idea that children who've had a surfeit of happiness in their childhood emerge like stodgy puddings and fail to make a success of life.

1. Answer the following questions:

1. What are modern psychological ideas in the field of bringing up children? 2. Why do you think the author of the text rejects them? 3. The author regrets the fact that parents are not allowed "even to shout". Do you think that shouting can lead to understanding and is good when speaking with children? Would you say that anger does nothing but harm? Give reasons for your answer. 4. What's your attitude towards "good old-fashioned spanking" and physical punishment in general? Don't you regard it as the line of least resistance which is resorted to when a parent is just too exhausted to think of better ways if dealing with a child? 5. What is the result of the undermined parents' confidence in their own authority accor­ding to the author's point of view? 6. Do you think doing nothing with children is the best solution? 7. To what results can lax authority lead? 8. Do you think that children should always obey their pa­rents? What about parents obeying their children to make them hap­py? 9. Would you agree with the author that extreme permissiveness is harmful for children and can result in negative development? 10. Two extremes discussed in the text do not seem to produce good effect. What do you think is important in order to have normal relations between parents and children? Is tolerance necessary?

2. Find in the text the arguments the author gives to illustrate the following:

1. impossibility to defend Victorian attitude to children; 2. par­ents' sufferings due to undermined confidence in authority; 3. harmful effect of excessive parents' permissiveness; 4. parents' decision to regulate lives according to children's needs; 5. parental laxity— dividing line between permissiveness and negligence; 6. people to blame.