Contents 6 страница

swung into a flooding driveway and stopped the car. The clouds had let

loose by then; the rain was coming down in bucketfuls; and the room

Damon got was a small outbuilding, separated from the main motel.

The solitude suited Damon just fine.

A s they hastened from the car to the secluded motel room, Elena had to

put pressure on her legs to keep them steady under her. As soon as the

door to the room slammed shut, with the storm more or less outside and

her own stiff and aching body inside, she headed for the bathroom

without even turning on a light. Her clothes and hair and feet were all

damp.

The fluorescent lights of the bathroom seemed too bright after the

darkness of the night and the storm. Or maybe it was the beginning of

her learning to circulate her Power.

That had certainly been a surprise. Damon hadn’t even been

touching her, but the shock she had felt still reverberated inside her. And

as for the feeling of having her Power manipulated from outside her

body, well, there just weren’t words. It had been a breathtaking

experience, all right. Even now just thinking about it made her knees

tremble.

But it was more clear than ever that Damon wanted nothing to do

with her. Elena confronted her own image in the mirror and winced.

Yes, she looked like a drowned rat that had been dragged backward a

mile through the gutter. Her hair was damp, turning its silky waves into

tiny wisps of curls all around her head and face; she was as white as an

invalid, and her blue eyes were staring out of the pinched and exhausted

face of a child.

For just a moment she remembered being in even worse shape a

few days—yes, it was only days—ago, and having Damon treat her with

the utmost gentleness, as if her bedraggled appearance had meant

nothing to him. But those memories had been taken from Damon by

Shinichi, and it was too much to hope that that might have been his real

state of mind. It had been…whim…like all his other whims.

Furious at Damon—and at herself for the prickling behind her eyes

she felt—Elena turned away from the mirror.

The past was the past. She had no idea why Damon had suddenly

decided to start jerking away from her touch, or to look at her with the

hard cold eyes of a predator. Something had caused him to hate her, to

barely be able to sit in the car with her. And whatever it was, Elena had

to learn to ignore it, because if Damon left, she would have no chance of

finding Stefan.

Stefan. At last her trembling heart could find rest in thinking of

Stefan. He wouldn’t care what she looked like: his sole concern would

be for her well-being. Elena shut her eyes as she turned on the hot water

in the tub and stripped off her clammy clothes, basking in her

imagination of Stefan’s love and approval.

The motel had provided a small plastic bottle of bubblebath, but

Elena left it alone. She’d brought her own translucent-gold bag of

vanilla bath crystals in her duffel bag, and this was the first chance she’d

had to use it.

Carefully, she shook about a third of the beribboned bag’s crystals

into the rapidly filling tub and was rewarded with a steamy blast of

vanilla, which she drew into her lungs gratefully.

A few minutes later, Elena was shoulder deep in hot water covered

with a vanilla-scented foam. Her eyes were shut and the warmth was

soaking into her body. The softly disintegrating salts were easing away

all pain.

These weren’t ordinary bath salts. They had no medicinal smell,

but they’d been given to her by Stefan’s landlady, Mrs. Flowers, who

was a genteel elderly white witch. Mrs. Flowers’s herbal recipes were

her specialty, and right now Elena would swear that she could feel all

the tension of the last few days being actively sucked out of her body

and gently soothed away.

Oh, this was just what she had needed. Elena had never

appreciated a bath like this before.

Now, there’s just one thing, she told herself firmly, as she inhaled

breath after delicious breath of vanilla steam. You asked Mrs. Flowers

for bath salts that would relax you, but you cannot fall asleep here.

You’ll drown, and you already know what that feels like. Been there,

done that, didn’t even have to buy the shroud.

But even now Elena’s thoughts were dimmer and more

fragmented, as the hot water continued to relax her muscles, and the

vanilla scent swirled around her head. She was losing continuity, her

mind drifting off into daydreams…. She was giving herself to the heat

and the luxury of not having to do anything at all….

She was asleep.

In her dream, she was moving briskly. It was only half-light, but

she could tell somehow that she was skimming downward through deep

gray mist. What worried her was that she seemed to be surrounded by

arguing voices, and they were arguing about her.

“A second chance? I’ve spoken to her about it.”

“She won’t remember anything.”

“It doesn’t matter whether she remembers. Everything will remain

inside her, if unawakened.”

“It will germinate inside her…until the time is right.”

Elena had no idea what any of it meant.

And then this mist was thinning, and clouds were making way for

her, and she was drifting down, more and more slowly, until she was

deposited gently on a ground covered with pine needles.

The voices were gone. She was lying on a forest floor, but she

wasn’t naked. She was wearing her prettiest nightgown, the one with

real Valenciennes lace. She was listening to the tiny night sounds all

around her when suddenly her aura reacted in a way that it never had

before.

It told her someone was coming. Someone who brought a sense of

safety in warm earthen hues, in soft rose colors and deep, blue violets

that enfolded her even before the person arrived. These

were…someone’s…feelings about herself. And behind the love and

soothing concern she experienced, there were deep forest greens, shafts

of warm gold, and a mysterious tinge of translucency, like a waterfall

that sparkled as it fell and foamed like diamonds around her.

Elena, a voice whispered. Elena.

This was so familiar….

Elena. Elena.

She knew this….

Elena, my angel.

It meant love.

Even as Elena was sitting up and turning in her dream, she was

holding out her arms. This person belonged with her. He was her magic,

her solace, her best-beloved. It didn’t matter how he’d gotten there, or

what had happened before. He was her soul’s eternal mate.

And then…

Strong arms holding her tenderly…

A warm body close to hers…

Sweet kisses…

Many, many times…

This familiar feeling as she melted into his embrace…

He was so gentle, but almost fierce in his love for her. He had

vowed not to kill, but he would kill to save her. She was his most

precious thing in all the world…. Any sacrifice would be worth it if she

were safe and free. His life meant nothing without her, so he would

gladly give it, laughing and kissing his hand to her with his last breath.

Elena breathed in the wonderful autumn-leaves scent of his

sweater and was comforted. Like a baby, she allowed herself to be

soothed by simple familiar odors, by the feeling of her cheek against his

shoulder and the wonder of the two of them breathing together in

synchronicity.

When she tried to put a name to this miracle, it was at the front of

her mind.

Stefan…

Elena didn’t even need to look up at his face to know that Stefan’s

leaf-green eyes would be dancing like the waters of a small pond ruffled

by wind and sparkling with a thousand different points of light. She

buried her head in his neck, afraid somehow to let go of him, although

she couldn’t remember why.

I don’t know how I got here, she told him nonverbally. In fact, she

didn’t remember anything before this, before awakening to his call, only

jumbled images.

It doesn’t matter. I’m with you.

Fear seized her. This isn’t…just a dream, is it?

No dream is just a dream. And I’m with you always.

But how did we get here?

Shhh. You’re tired. I’ll hold you up. On my life, I swear it. Just

rest. Let me hold you just once.

Just once? But…

But now Elena felt worried and dazed, and she had to let her head

fall backward, had to see Stefan’s face.

She tilted her chin back and found herself meeting laughing eyes

of an infinite darkness in a chiseled, pale, and proudly handsome face.

She almost cried out in horror.

Hush. Hush, angel.

Damon!

The dark eyes that met hers were full of love and joy. Who else?

How dare you—how did you get here? Elena was more and more

confused.

I don’t belong anywhere, Damon pointed out, suddenly sounding

sad. You know I’ll always be with you.

I do not; I do not— give Stefan back to me!

But it was too late. Elena was aware of the sound of water trickling

and of tepid liquid sloshing around her. She woke up just in time to keep

her head from going underwater in the bathtub.

A dream…

She felt much more flexible and easy in her body, but she couldn’t

help feeling saddened by the dream. It hadn’t been an out of body

experience, either—it had been a simple, crazy, mixed-up, dream of her

own.

I don’t belong anywhere. I’ll always be with you.

Now what was gibberish like that supposed to mean?

But something inside Elena trembled, even as she remembered it.

She hastily changed—not into a Valenciennes lace nightgown, but

into a gray and black sweat suit. When she emerged, she was feeling

overtired and prickly and ready to start a fight if Damon gave any sign

of having picked up on her sleeping thoughts.

But Damon didn’t. Elena saw a bed, managed to focus on it,

stumbled toward it and collapsed, flopping down on pillows that sank

unsatisfactorily beneath her head. Elena liked her pillows firm.

For a few moments she lay, savoring her after-bath sensations, as

her skin gradually cooled—and her head cooled as well. As far as she

could tell, Damon was standing in exactly the same position as he had

taken up when they’d entered the room.

And he was still as silent as he had been since the morning.

Finally, to get it over with, she spoke to him. And being Elena, she

went straight to the heart of the problem.

“What’s wrong, Damon?”

“Nothing.” Damon stared out the window, pretending to be

engrossed in something beyond the glass.

“What nothing?”

Damon shook his head. But somehow, his turned back eloquently

conveyed his opinion of this motel room.

Elena examined the room with the too-bright vision of someone

who has forced their body beyond its limits. She contemplated beige

walls, beige carpet, a beige armchair, a beige desk, and of course, a

beige bedspread. Even Damon couldn’t reject a room on the grounds

that it doesn’t match his basic black, she thought, and then: oh, I’m tired.

And bewildered. And scared.

And…incredibly stupid. There’s only one bed in here. I’m lying on

it.

“Damon…” With an effort, she sat up. “What do you want?

There’s a chair. I can sleep on the chair.”

He half turned, and she saw in the movement that he wasn’t

annoyed or playing games. He was furious. It was all there in the

faster-than-the-human-eye-could-follow assassin’s spin and the

complete muscular control that stilled it almost before it had begun.

Damon with his sudden movements and his frightening stillness.

He was looking out the window again, body poised as always

for…something. Right now it looked poised to jump through glass to get

outside.

“Vampires don’t need sleep,” he said in a voice icier and more

controlled than she’d heard since Matt had left them.

That gave her the energy to get off the bed. “You know I know

that’s a lie.”

“Take the bed, Elena. Go to sleep.” But his voice was the same.

She would have expected a flat, weary command. Damon sounded more

tense, more controlled than ever.

More shaken than ever.

Her eyelids sank. “Is this about Matt?”

“No.”

“Is it about Shinichi?”

“No!”

Aha.

“It is, isn’t it? You’re afraid that Shinichi will get past all your

defenses and possess you again. Aren’t you?”

“Go to bed, Elena,” Damon said tonelessly.

He was still shutting her out as completely as if she weren’t there.

Elena got mad.

“What does it take to show you that I trust you? I’m traveling all

alone with you, without any idea where we’re really going. I’m trusting

you with Stefan’s life. ” Elena was behind Damon now, on the beige

carpet which smelled like…nothing, like boiled water. Not even like

dust.

Her words were the dust. There was something about them that

sounded hollow, wrong. They were the truth—but they weren’t getting

through to Damon….

Elena sighed. Touching Damon unexpectedly was always a tricky

business, with all the risks of setting off murderous instinct by accident,

even when he wasn’t possessed. She reached out, now, very carefully, to

put her fingertips on the elbow of his leather jacket. She spoke as

precisely and unemotionally as she could.

“You also know that I have other senses now than the usual five.

How many times do I have to say it, Damon? I know it wasn’t you

torturing me and Matt last week.” Despite herself, Elena heard a certain

pleading in her own voice. “I know that you’ve protected me on this trip

when I was in danger, even killing for me. That means—a lot to me.

You may say you don’t believe in the human sentiment of forgiveness,

but I don’t think you’ve forgotten it. And when you know that there is

nothing to forgive in the first place—”

“This has absolutely nothing to do with last week!”

The change in his voice—the force in it—hit Elena like a whiplash.

It hurt…and it frightened her. Damon was serious. He was also under

some dreadful strain, not completely unlike that of fighting off

Shinichi’s possession, but different.

“Damon…”

“Leave me alone!”

Now, where have I heard something like that before? Befuddled,

her heart pounding, Elena groped through memories.

Oh, yes. Stefan. Stefan when they had first been in his room

together, when he was afraid to love her. When he was sure he would

cause her to be damned if he showed he cared.

Could Damon be that much like the brother he always mocked?

“At least turn around and talk with me face-to-face.”

“Elena.” It was a whisper, but it sounded as if Damon couldn’t

summon up his usual silky menace. “Go to bed. Go to hell. Go

anywhere, but stay away from me. ”

“You’re so good at that, aren’t you?” Elena’s own voice was cold

now. Recklessly, angrily, she moved in even closer. “At pushing people

away. But I know that you haven’t fed this evening. There’s nothing else

you want from me, and you can’t do the starving-martyr bit half as well

as Stefan—”

Elena had spoken knowing that her words were guaranteed to

incite a response of some kind, but Damon’s usual response to this sort

of thing was to lounge against something and pretend not to have heard.

What happened instead was completely outside the range of her

experience.

Damon whirled, caught her precisely, held her locked in an

unbreakable grip. Then, with a swoop of his head like a falcon on a

mouse, he kissed her. He was more than strong enough to hold her still

without hurting her.

The kiss was hard and long and for quite a while Elena resisted out

of sheer instinct. Damon’s body was cool against hers, which was still

warm and damp from the bath. The way he was holding her—if she put

enough pressure on those particular points, it would hurt her possibly

seriously. And then—she knew—he would release her. But did she

really know what she knew? Was she prepared to break a bone to test it?

He was stroking her hair, which was so unfair, curling the ends and

crushing them in his fingers…just hours after he’d taught her to feel

things to the tips of her hair. He knew her weak spots. Not just every

woman’s weak spots. He knew hers; he knew how to make her want to

cry out in pleasure and how to soothe her.

There was nothing to do but test her theory and maybe break a

bone. She would not submit when she had not invited him. She would

not!

But then she remembered her curiosity about the little boy and the

great stone boulder, and she deliberately opened her mind to Damon’s.

He fell into the trap of his own making.

As soon as their minds connected there were something like

fireworks. Explosions. Rockets. Stars going nova. Elena set her mind to

ignoring her body and began looking for the boulder.

It was deep, deep inside the most locked-off part of his brain. Deep

in the eternal darkness that slept there. But Elena seemed to have

brought a searchlight with her. Wherever she turned, dark festoons of

cobwebs fell and heavy-looking stone arches crumbled and fell to the

ground.

“Don’t worry,” Elena found herself saying. “The light won’t do

that to you! You don’t have to live down here. I’ll show you the beauty

of the light.”

What am I saying? Elena wondered even as the words left her lips.

How can I promise him—and maybe he likes living here in the dark!

But in the next second she had come much closer to the little boy,

close enough to see his pale, wondering face.

“You came again,” he said, as if it were a miracle. “You said you

would come, and you did!”

That brought down all Elena’s barriers at once. She knelt, and

pulling the chains to their utmost length, took him on her lap. “Are you

glad that I came back?” she asked gently. She was already stroking his

hair smooth.

“Oh, yes!” It was a cry, and it frightened Elena almost as much as

it pleased her. “You’re the nicest person I’ve ever—the most beautiful

thing I ever—”

“Hush,” Elena told him, “hush. There’s got to be some way to

warm you up.”

“It’s the iron,” the child said humbly. “Iron keeps me weak and

cold. But it has to be iron; otherwise he wouldn’t be able to control me.”

“I see,” Elena said grimly. She was beginning to get a grasp on

what kind of relationship Damon had with this little boy. For a moment,

on a hunch, she took two lengths of iron in her hands and tried to tear

them apart. Elena had super-light here; why not superpowers? But all

that happened was that she twisted and turned the length for nothing, and

finally cut the web of her finger against an iron burr.

“Oh!” The boy’s huge dark eyes fixed on the dark bead of blood.

He stared as if he were fascinated—and afraid.

“Do you want it?” Elena held out the hand to him uncertainly.

What a poor scrap of a creature to be coveting other people’s blood, she

thought. He nodded timidly as if he were sure she’d be angry. But Elena

just smiled and he reverently held her finger and took the whole globe of

blood at once, closing his lips like a kiss.

As he lifted his head, he seemed to have a tinge more color in his

pale face.

“You told me Damon keeps you here,” she said, holding him again

and feeling heat being sucked from her into his cold body. “Can you tell

me why?”

The child was still licking his lips, but he turned his face toward

her immediately and said, “I’m the Warden of Secrets.

But”—sadly—“the Secrets have gotten so big that even I don’t know

what they are.”

Elena followed the motion of his head from his own small limbs to

the iron chain to the huge, metallic ball. She felt a sinking inside herself

and a deep pity for such a small warden. And she wondered what on

earth could be inside that great stone sphere that Damon was guarding so

intently.

But she didn’t get the chance to ask.

E ven as Elena opened her mouth to speak, she could feel herself lifted

as if in a hurricane. For a moment she clung to the boy who was being

torn from her grasp, then she just had time to shout, “I’ll be back,” and

to hear his reply, before she was pulled into the ordinary world of baths

and manipulation and motel rooms.

“I’ll keep our secret!” That was what the little boy had cried to her

at the last moment.

And what could that mean but that he would keep their rendezvous

from the real (or “ordinairy”) Damon?

A moment later Elena was standing in a dingy motel room, and

Damon was clutching her upper arms. As he released her, Elena could

taste salt. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks.

It didn’t seem to make any difference to her attacker. Damon

seemed to be at the mercy of raw desperation. He was shaking like a

little boy the first time he kissed his first love. That’s what’s driving the

control away, Elena thought fuzzily.

As for herself, she felt as if she might faint.

No! She had to stay conscious.

Elena pushed and twisted, hurting herself deliberately against the

apparently unbreakable grip that held her.

It held.

The possessor? Shinichi again, sneaking into Damon’s mind and

making him do things—?

Elena fought harder, pushed herself until she actually could have

screamed with pain. She whimpered once—

The hold broke.

Somehow Elena knew that Shinichi wasn’t involved in this. The

true soul of Damon was a little boy held in chains for

God-knew-how-many centuries, who had never known warmth and

closeness but who still had a tearful appreciation for them. The child

who was chained to the rock surrounding was one of Damon’s deepest

secrets. And now Elena was trembling so hard she wasn’t sure she could

stand up, and she was wondering about the child. Was he cold? Was he

crying like Elena? How could she tell?

She and Damon were left staring at each other, both breathing

hard. Damon’s sleek hair was mussed, making him look rakish as a

buccaneer. His face, always so pale and self-composed, was flushed with

blood. His eyes dropped to watch Elena automatically massaging her

wrists. She could feel pins and needles now: she was getting back some

circulation. Once he’d looked away, he couldn’t seem to look her in the

eye again.

Eye contact. All right. Elena recognized a weapon, groping for a

chair and finding the bed unexpectedly close behind her. She didn’t have

many weapons right now; and she needed to use all of them.

She sat, giving in to the weakness in her body, but she kept her

eyes on Damon’s face. His mouth was swollen. And that was…unfair.

Damon’s pout was a part of his most basic artillery. He had always had

the most beautiful mouth she’d ever seen on anyone, man or woman.

The mouth, the hair, the half-drooping lids, the heavy lashes, the

delicacy of his jawline…unfair, even to someone like Elena, who’d long

ago gotten past interest in a person because of some accident of beauty.

But she’d never seen that mouth swollen, the perfect hair

disordered, the eyelashes trembling because he was looking everywhere

except at her and trying not to show it.

“Was that… what you’ve been thinking about while you’ve been

refusing to talk to me?” she asked, and her voice was almost steady.

Damon’s sudden stillness was perfection like all his other

perfections. No breathing, of course. He stared at a spot in the beige

carpet that by rights ought to have broken into flames.

Then, finally, he lifted those huge dark eyes to hers. It was so hard

to tell anything about Damon’s eyes because the iris was almost the

same color as the pupil, but Elena had a feeling that at this moment they

were dilated so far as to be all pupil. How could eyes as dark as

midnight trap and hold light? She seemed to see in them a universe of

stars.

Damon said, softly, “Run.”

Elena felt her legs tense. “Shinichi?”

“No. You should run now.”

Elena felt her thigh muscles relax slightly and was grateful not to

have to try to prove that she could run—or even crawl—at this exact

instant. But her fists clenched.

“You mean this is just you being a bastard?” she said. “Have you

decided to hate me again? Did you enjoy—?”

Damon whirled again, stillness into motion faster than her eyes

could track it. He hit the frame of the window, once, pulling the punch

almost completely at the last instant. There was a crash and then a

thousand little echoes as the glass showered like diamonds against the

darkness outside.

“That might…bring some people to help you.” Damon wasn’t

trying to make the words seem more than an afterthought. Now that he

was turned away from her, he didn’t seem to care about keeping up

appearances. Fine tremors ran through his body.

“This late, in this storm, this far away from the office—I doubt it.”

Elena’s body was catching up with the adrenaline spurt that had allowed

her to fight her way out of Damon’s grip. She was tingling all over and

she had to work to keep it from turning into outright shaking.

And they were back to square one, with Damon staring into the

night and her staring at his back. Or, at least, that was where he wanted

them to be.

“You could have just asked,” she said. She didn’t know if this was

possible for a vampire to understand. She still hadn’t taught Stefan. He

went without things that he wanted because he didn’t understand about

asking. In all innocence and with all good intentions, Stefan left things

until she, Elena, was forced to ask him.

Damon, she thought, didn’t usually have that problem. He took

whatever he wanted as casually as if picking items off of a grocery store

shelf.

And right now he was laughing silently, which meant that he was

truly stricken.

“I’ll take that as an apology,” Elena said softly.

Now Damon was laughing out loud, and Elena felt a chill. Here

she was, trying to help him, and—

“Do you think,” he broke into her thoughts, “that that was all I

wanted?”

Elena felt herself freeze again as she mulled this over. Damon

could easily have taken her blood while he held her immobile. But—of

course—that wasn’t all he wanted from her. Her aura…she knew what it

did to vampires. Damon had been protecting her all along from other

vampires who might see it.

The difference, Elena’s native honesty told her, was that she didn’t

give a damn about any of the others. But Damon was different. When he

kissed her she could feel the difference inside her. Something she had

never felt before…until Stefan.

Oh, God—was this really her, Elena Gilbert, betraying Stefan by

the simple act of not running away from this situation? Damon was

being a better person than she was; he was telling her to take the

temptation of her aura away from him.

So that she could start the torture anew tomorrow.

Elena had been in many circumstances where she’d judged that it

was best for her to leave before things got too hot. The problem here was

that there was nowhere that she could go to without turning up the