NARCISSISM: SELF-ESTEEM’S CONCEITED SISTER

High self-esteem becomes especially problematic if it crosses over into narcissism, or having an inflated sense of self. Most people with high self-esteem value both individual achievement and relationships with others. Narcissists usually have high self-esteem, but they are missing the piece about caring for others (Campbell& others, 2002). Although narcissists are often outgoing and charming early on, their self-centeredness often leads to relationship problems in the long run (Campbell, 2005).

Conclusion: High self-esteem is generally more beneficial than low, but researchers have found that people high in both self-esteem and narcissism are the most aggressive. Someone with a big ego who is threatened or deflated by social rejection is potentially aggressive.

 

Self-Control (Самоконтроль)

Several lines of research show the benefits of a sense of self-efficacy (самоэффектвность) and feelings of control. People who believe in their own competence and effectiveness, and who have an internal locus of control (внешний локус контроль, или убежденность человека в своей способности контролировать собственную жизнь), cope better and achieve more than others.

Roy Baumeister and his colleagues (1998, 2000; Muraven & others, 1998) note that the self’s capacity for action has limits. Consider:

· People who exert self-control —by forcing themselves to eat radishes rather than chocolates, or by suppressing forbidden thoughts— subsequently quit faster when given unsolvable puzzles.

· People who have tried to control their emotional responses to an upsetting movie exhibit decreased physical stamina.

· People who have spent their willpower on tasks such as controlling their emotions during an upsetting film later become more aggressive and more likely to fight with their partners (de Wall & others, 2007; Finkel & Campbell, 2001).

Effortful self-control depletes our limited willpower reserves. Self-control therefore operates similarly to muscular strength, conclude Baumeister and Julia Exline (2000): Both are weaker after exertion, replenished with rest, and strengthened by exercise.

Self-Efficacy (Самоэффективность)

In everyday life, self-efficacy leads us to set challenging goals and to persist. More than a hundred studies show that self-efficacy predicts worker productivity (Stajkovic & Luthans, 1998).

Self-efficacy is a sense that one is competent and effective, distinguished from self-esteem, which is one’s sense of self-worth.

Believing in our own competence and effectiveness pays dividends (Bandura & others, 1999; Maddux and Gosselin, 2003). Children and adults with strong feelings of self-efficacy are more persistent, less anxious, and less depressed. They also live healthier lives and are more academically successful.

Self-efficacy, like self-esteem, grows with hard-won achievements.

Many people confuse self-efficacy with self-esteem.

One study showed that self-efficacy feedback (“You tried really hard”) led to better performance than self-esteem feedback (“You’re really smart”). Children told they were smart were afraid to try again —maybe they wouldn’t look so smart next time. Those praised for working hard, however, knew they could exert more effort again (Mueller & Dweck, 1998). If you want to encourage someone, focus on their self-efficacy, not their self-esteem.

The benefits of feelings of control also appear in animal research. Dogs confined in a cage and taught that they cannot escape shocks will learn a sense of helplessnes s. Later, these dogs cower passively in other situations when they could escape punishment. Dogs that learn personal control (by successfully escaping their first shocks) adapt easily to a new situation. Researcher Martin Seligman (1975, 1991) noted similarities to this learned helplessness in human situations. Depressed or oppressed people, for example, become passive because they believe their efforts have no effect. Helpless dogs and depressed people both suffer paralysis of the will, passive resignation, even, motionless apathy.

On the other hand, people benefit by training their self-control “muscles. ” That’s the conclusion of studies by Megan Oaten and Ken Cheng (2006) at Sydney’s Macquarie University. For example, students who were engaged in practicing self- control by daily exercise, regular study, and time management became more capable of self-control in other settings, both in the laboratory and when taking exams. If you develop your self-discipline in one area of your life, it may spill over into other areas as well.

Advise: A team of researchers led by Roy Baumeister (2003) concurs. “Praising all the children just for being themselves,” they contend, “simply devalues praise.” Better to praise and bolster self-esteem “ in recognition of good performance....