Chapter 6. I woke up the following morning feeling happier than I could remember being ~ ever

I woke up the following morning feeling happier than I could remember being ~ ever. Ash’s arms were still tightly wrapped around my waist, our legs tangled together, and I could feel his morning-induced erection pressed against my back. I rolled over so that I was facing him, hoping he stayed in his vulnerable state of sleep so that I could better study him, but his eyes were wide open and a smile tugged at the corners of his lips when I looked at him.

“Good afternoon, butterfly,” he whispered, brushing my hair back from my face.

“Good afternoon?” I asked still ignoring the nickname.

“Yeah, it’s a little after 2:00. I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so comfortable, so peaceful.”

“Mmmm… thank you. I did sleep quite well.”

I scooted closer to him and rested my cheek on his chest. Ash held me securely against his body and kissed the top of my head. I felt him take a deep breath as if he was gathering the courage to say something, but he remained silent. We lay like that for several minutes, as if we were both committing the moment to memory, never wanting to forget the night we had spent together.

“What is it Ash?” I asked quietly. “I know you want to say something, and from your hesitation, I’m guessing it’s not something I want to hear.”

His body tensed at my words and I pulled away from him slightly so I could look up to his face. His jaw pulsed as he clenched his teeth. I touched his face, much like he had done to me the night before, rubbing my fingers delicately across his cheeks, hoping to relax his uneasiness.

“Scarlett, I… we…” he stammered, still unable to get the words out.

“Just say it, Ash,” I demanded.

“We can’t do this… I can’t do this with you,” he began as my stomach tightened. “As much as I would love to, I just can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

I gave him a puzzled look not understanding what had happened, what had gone wrong.

“Look Scarlett, you are about to go through this crucial transition in your life, changing from the sheltered girl you were under your parents control, to a beautiful young woman that’s ready to spread her wings and fly. Because you haven’t experienced many of the things that most people our age have, you, more than anyone, need this time to find out who you are and what you want. What you don’t need is me around to complicate things,” he explained.

“Why do you think you would complicate things?” I interrupted. I could feel the lump forming in my throat and despite my attempt to refrain from crying, tears trickled down my cheeks.

“Because I know me,” he said truthfully, wiping away my tears. “I’m not boyfriend material, Scarlett. That’s just not who I am right now. I would end up hurting you or holding you back, and I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I did either of those things to you. I meant the things I said to you last night, more than you can ever know. You are, by far, the most incredible person I have ever met and I haven’t even known you 24 hours. I can’t even put into words how in awe I am of you.”

He continued, “I would love to say ‘Let’s be friends,’ but if I’m being completely honest, I know that there’s no way that I can be around you and not want to touch you… to hold you… to keep you as mine. And that’s not fair to either of us.”

Not knowing what to say, I just nodded my head and buried my face back into his chest. I truly believed that Ash thought he was doing the best thing for me because he sincerely wanted me to be happy. I felt silly for crying over someone I had known less than a day, I mean how emotionally attached could I have been? But the hurt was there nonetheless.

Drawing away from his chest, I looked into his eyes. He tenderly caressed my face and then cupped the back of my head and pulled my mouth to his. For one last time, we succumbed to the undeniable magnetism between the two of us. My first goodbye kiss was bittersweet in every sense of the word ~ a moment in time I would never ever forget.

“Goodbye, my sweet butterfly,” he whispered into my hair as he held me in a final embrace.