Chapter 12

Evie and Jess changed and went straight to bed, but I opted for a shower first. They were both sound asleep by the time I joined them in the bed, and once again, I found myself lying there staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. After about an hour or so, I tiptoed out of Jess’ room and went to the kitchen for a glass of milk. There was just something about a glass of ice-cold milk that made me feel full and content and always helped me fall asleep. I opened the refrigerator and my jaw dropped. What in the hell?

Sitting on the top shelf was a glass of milk, already poured, with a piece of paper taped to it. The word “sorry” was still legible even though the condensation from the glass had caused the ink to run. Was he serious with this? Without thinking, I marched down the hall and flung open the door to Ash’s room.

“You are such a pompous, arrogant asshole,” I growled at him. I wanted to scream at him at the top of my lungs, but I didn’t want to wake up the others in the house, especially Evie, so I settled on a fierce growl. As I stood in the doorway, it took my brain a moment to process the scene in front of me. On Ash’s bed there were a bunch of pillows all stacked up with several towels lying across them. It appeared that Ash was buried under the pillows, at least I assumed he was because I didn’t see him anywhere else.

“What in the world are you doing?” I hissed.

His head peaked out from behind one of the pillows and he flashed me his killer dimples and that panty-drenching smile. Oh Lord. I tried hard to keep my resolve, but his nearness made it oh so hard.

“I was afraid you were going to throw the glass of milk at me when you came in here. I didn’t think about using a plastic cup until it was too late, so I thought I better take the necessary precautions.” He looked pleased that I didn’t have the glass of milk in my hands, I was so infuriated when I saw it that I had left it on the shelf in the refrigerator.

Staying by the door, I assessed the absurdity of the entire situation. Ash still hadn’t moved either. His hair hung in his face, messed up from hiding his head under the pillows, and he had the biggest shit-ass grin across his face as if he was gloating. I tried hard to fight the smile that tugged at my face and the laughter that threatened escape in my throat. I was supposed to be irritated and annoyed at his presence. If he wasn’t so damn irresistible…

“So you think you can just pour me a glass of milk and write ‘sorry’ on a piece of paper and I’m going to forget about how big of an ass you are?” I asked with a bit of forced anger.

“No, you’ll probably always think I’m an ass, but I was hoping it would get you in my room talking to me, and it looks like it worked,” he gloated.

I sighed, rolled my eyes, and turned to walk away from him all in one frustrated motion. It was a move I had perfected while dealing with my parents for so many years.

“Scarlett, wait, don’t leave… please. I promise I won’t act like a cocky bastard anymore,” Ash pleaded. “Well… at least I’ll try really hard not to.” I imagined the sexy smirk on his face with his last remark without even looking at him.

“What do you want from me?” I stopped a few steps into the hallway but didn’t turn around.

“Just to talk… I just want to talk to you.”

Unable to resist the near-begging in his alluring voice, I spun my body back to his room and walked right inside the doorway. I stayed as far away from him and the bed as I could while still being in the room. “What? What do you want to talk about?” I spat. I was just as irritated at myself for giving in to him so easily as I was at him for… well, just for being him.

Ash pulled himself from under the pillow mountain, knocking them all to the ground in the process. Again he only wore a pair of cotton pajama pants and again my body came alive at the sight of his bare torso. The guy seriously could’ve been an underwear model, he was that hot. “You don’t have to stand all the way over there, Butterfly. Close the door so we don’t wake anyone up and come over here.” He patted the bed next to where he sat.

His voice was low and tempting, and as hard as I tried to fight the seduction, I found myself wanting to do exactly as he said. However, I mustered up the little determination I had and snapped, “Don’t call me Butterfly.”

He cocked his head to the side and frowned at me. “You didn’t tell me I couldn’t call you that last weekend.” His words almost sounded like a question more than a statement.

“Well I had a brief spell of insanity, a moment of weakness if you will, and thought you might actually be a decent person, but tonight you confirmed my initial impression about you,” I said matter-of-factly. “You are an arrogant, self-absorbed asshole that doesn’t deserve the time of day from me. You are nothing but trouble, Ashton Walker.”

Surprisingly, instead of getting defensive or trying to explain himself, he chose to agree with me. “You’re right. I am all those things,” he said softly. “And even worse.” Ash stared so intensely into my eyes, I wasn’t even sure he had blinked in minutes. Maybe he wasn’t human… but his skin wasn’t cold… hmmm. Again I had to push my vampire fantasies to the back of my thoughts. Damn you, Stephanie Meyer and your sexy ass vampires.

He got off the bed and started walking towards me. I felt like I was in a National Geographic documentary on animal predators and their prey, and there was no doubt which one of us was the prey. Evie was going to shoot me. I tried to keep my body in control as he approached me, but my heart would not slow down and I was trembling from within. I was hot and cold at the same time as I anticipated the feel of his skin on mine. Ash closed the door behind me and then reached out with both of his hands and grabbed mine, sending goosebumps up my arms. I hoped he didn’t notice.

“Scarlett, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I can’t tell you that enough,” he began. “I really don’t mean to be an ass to you, it’s just, I don’t know how to act around you. I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

“What? You mean you’ve never met a virgin before? That’s ridiculous.” I scoffed at him.

“No! Of course I have! That’s not what I meant,” he retorted. “Look, like I told you last time, I feel this strange connection to you. I’m captivated by you… I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left. No matter how hard I try, every day I find myself wondering what you are doing, how your day was, if you’re happy…

“And then tonight, you showed up at dinner and I wasn’t expecting to see you. I didn’t even know y’all were coming over and I just wasn’t prepared…” his voice faded off. “ I don’t know how to act when I’m around you, Scarlett, and that really freaks me out.”

“What do you mean ‘how to act around me?’ Just act like yourself. Why do you need to act any other way? And why do you need to be prepared to see me? And why did you even bother texting me last week after telling me that we didn’t need to have any sort of relationship, not even a friendly one? You are the most confusing person I know!” I tried to keep my voice down, but he was frustrating the shit out of me. I didn’t know whether to slap him or kiss him or both. Why did I allow him to get to me the way he did? I opted to do neither and let him continue to lure me deeper into his den of inevitable heartbreak.

“I know I am, I know. If it makes you feel any better, I’m just as confused myself. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” Ash paused. He pulled our hands, mine still clasped inside of his, up to his chest and gazed down at me with his hypnotic eyes. His voice was stern but not harsh. “I KNOW that I’m a cocky bastard that isn’t nearly good enough for you. I KNOW that you don’t need the bullshit that comes along with me in your life. I KNOW that as hard as I try to not hurt you, I will - somehow, someway… it’s just what I do. And because of that, I KNOW that I need to stay away from you.” He stopped momentarily and gave me a genuine smile, one that radiated in his eyes. He leaned his forehead down so that it was pressed against mine and continued in a much softer, heartfelt tone. “But after seeing you again tonight, I KNOW that it’s impossible for me keep my distance from you. I want you… no, I need you to be a part of my life. I know it sounds absurd, hell we hardly know anything about one another, but there’s just something about you that tells me I need to keep you close. ”

I continued to look into his eyes, mesmerized by not only his voice but the sweet words that flowed from his lips. I didn’t say a word… I couldn’t. I was stunned silent. Ash then led us over to his bed and we climbed onto it, sitting crossed leg facing one another. He reclaimed my hands in his once we were settled and he continued talking.

“I’ve been thinking about this all night,” he admitted. “And no matter how fascinating I find you, how much I would love to touch you and kiss you…” I inhaled sharply and my body stiffened as his words triggered thoughts of his hands and mouth exploring every part of my body.

“I can’t,” he choked. My body slouched in disappointment and I exhaled louder than I expected. “Scarlett, you really do need to experience the normal life of a young adult. Nothing about that has changed. You need this period of transformation to learn about who you are, what you want. I told you that already. As much as I hate to even think about it, you need to date guys and party and act a little crazy.” Ash paused and looked as if he was trying to pull together the right words to express what he wanted to say next. “The attraction, the connection, I feel towards you is so strong, it scares me. I’m afraid if we were involved sexually, if I had a taste of that sweet innocence, I would completely consume you… and that wouldn’t be healthy for either of us. You need this time for yourself.

“So the only other option is for us to try to be friends,” he concluded.

I pulled back from him a bit and raised my eyebrows in disbelief. “Friends, huh? You really think we can just be friends?”

“I know that it’s going to be hard… really hard if I have to hang around you wearing clothes like this.” Ash looked down at my gray and white striped camisole and grey boy shorts in an approving manner and a devilish grin spread across his face, setting my stomach butterflies fluttering wildly again. “But I’d rather learn to control my sexual desires around you than not have you in my life at all.”

He gave me his best puppy dog eyes and asked, “So what do you say? Can we at least try this friends thing? I don’t know where it will lead… you may find out that I drive you absolutely insane and want nothing to do with me ever again,” he teased, lightening the conversation.

“Okay,” I agreed. “We can try.” Even though I longed to be much more than Ash’s friend, I thought about what Evie had said in the car. “If there truly is some undeniable attraction between the two of you, then you guys will end up together with a magical, fairytale, happily-ever-after. But you know as well as I do that it takes a bunch of other bullshit in between to get that point - a bunch of unnecessary angst, some preventable misunderstandings, and you both need to make some ill-advised and senseless decisions. So right now, I think you should just let everything happen and stop over thinking all of it…” She was right, and I decided to let everything happen as it may. Ash and I were going to be friends… it should be a learning experience, if nothing else.

“Thank you for giving this a shot. I hope I don’t fuck it up,” he said.“I really don’t have any female friends other than Jess and Meg. I’ve known Jess from grade school, she’s like my sister - no matter how much I piss her off, she can’t ever get rid of me. And then Meg, well, it wasn’t like there was any option what type of relationship we were going to have.” I chuckled at the thought of Ash trying to hit on Meg.

“Well, you’ll be my first guy friend, so hopefully I don’t mess it up either.” I smiled up at him. I knew that I was playing with fire spending time with Ash, but I tried to convince myself that as long as I stayed on the outside, far enough away the flames, I wouldn’t get burned. As long as our relationship didn’t turn sexual, I couldn’t get too attached, therefore, I couldn’t get too hurt. Yeah right, who was I kidding?