SHARPENING SENTENCES AND WORDS

Next, turn your attention to sentences and words. You can improve your writing considerably by finding and correcting sentences that convey the wrong meaning or are stylistically deficient in some way. The following strategies will help you to revise your sentences effectively.

1. Use parallelism.

2. Use a consistent point of view.

3. use specific words.

4. Use active verbs.

5. Use concise words.

6. Vary your sentences.

 

Use Parallelism. Words in a pair or a series should have parallel structure. By balancing the items in a pair or a series so that they have the same kind of structure, you will make the sentence clearer and easier to read. Notice how the parallel sentences that follow read more smoothly than nonparallel ones.

 

Nonparallel (Not balanced)	Parallel (Balanced)
My job includes checking the inventory, initialing the orders, and to call the suppliers.	My job includes checking the inventory, initialing the orders, and calling the suppliers. (A balanced series of -ing words: checking, initialing, calling)
The game-show contestant was told to be cheerful, charming, and with enthusiasm.	The game-show contestant was told to be cheerful, charming, and enthusiastic. (A balanced series of descriptive words: cheerful, charming, enthusiastic)
Grandmother likes to read mystery novels, to do needlepoint, and browsing the Internet on her home computer.	Grandmother likes to read mystery novels, to do needlepoint, and to browse the Internet on her home computer. (A balanced series of to verbs: to read, to do, to browse)
We painted the trim in the living room; the wallpaper was put up by a professional.	We painted the trim in the living room; a professional put up the wallpaper. (Balanced verbs and word order: We painted…; a professional put up…)

 

Balanced sentences are not a skill you need worry about when writing first drafts. But when you rewrite, you should try to put matching words and ideas into matching structures. Such parallelism will improve your writing style.

Use a Consistent Point of View.

Consistency with Verbs. Do not shift verb tenses unnecessarily. If you begin writing paper in the present tense, do not shift suddenly to the past. If you begin in the past, do not shift without reason to the present. Notice the inconsistent verb tenses in the following example:

Jean punched down the risen yeast dough in the bowl. Then she dumps it onto the floured worktable and kneaded it into a smooth, shiny ball.

The verbs must be consistently in the present tense.

Jean punches down the risen yeast dough in the bowl. Then she dumps it onto the floured worktable and kneads it into a smooth, shiny ball.

Or the verbs must be consistently in the past tense:

Jean punched down the risen yeast dough in the bowl. Then she dumped it onto the floured worktable and kneaded it into a smooth, shiny ball.

Consistency with Pronouns. When writing a paper, you should not shift your point of view unnecessarily. be consistent in your use of first-, second-, or third-person pronouns. For instance, if you start writing in the first person, I, do not jump suddenly to the second person, you. Or if you are writing in the third person, they, do not shift unexpectedly to you. Look at the examples.

 

Inconsistent	Consistent
One of the fringe benefits of my job is that you can use a company credit card for gasoline.	One of the fringe benefits of my job is that I can use a company credit card for gasoline.
Though we like most of our neighbors, there are a few you can’t get along with.	Though we like most of our neighbors, there are a few we can’t get along with.

 

Use Specific Words. To be an effective writer, you must use specific words rather than general words. Specific words create pictures in the reader’s mind. They help capture interest and make your meaning clear. Compare the following sentences:

 

General	Specific
She walked down the street.	Anne wandered slowly along Rogers Lane.
Animals came into the space.	Hungry lions padded silently into the sawdust-covered arena.
The man signed the paper.	The biology teacher hastily scribbled his name on the course withdrawal slip.

 

Here are four ways to make your sentences specific.

1. Use exact names.

He sold his camper.

Vince sold his Winnebago.

2. Use lively verbs.

The flag moved in the breeze.

The flag fluttered in the breeze.

3. Use descriptive words (modifiers) before nouns.

A man strained to lift the crate.

A heavyset, perspiring man strained to lift the heavy wooden crate.

4. Use words that relate to the senses – sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch.

That woman jogs five miles a day.

That fragile-looking, gray-haired woman jogs five miles a day. (sight)

 

A noise told the crowd that there were two minutes left to play.

A piercing whistle told the cheering crowd that there were two minutes left to play. (hearing)

 

When he returned, all he found in the refrigerator was bread and milk.

When he returned, all he found in the refrigerator was stale bread and sour milk. (taste)

 

Neil stroked the kitten’s fur until he felt its tiny claws on his hand.

Neil stroked the kitten’s velvety fur until he felt its tiny, needle-sharp claws on his hand. (touch)

 

Flan placed a sachet in her bureau drawer.

Fran placed a lilac-scented sachet in her bureau drawer. (smell)

Use Active Verbs. In general, active verbs are more effective than passive verbs. Active verbs give your writing a simpler and more vigorous style.

Use Concise Words. Wordiness – using more words than necessary to express a meaning – is often a sign of lazy or careless writing. Your readers may resent the extra time and energy they must spend when you have not done the work needed to make your writing direct and concise.

Here are two examples of wordy sentences:

In this paper, I am planning to describe the hobby that I enjoy of collecting old comic books.

In Ben’s opinion, he thinks that cable television will change and alter our lives in the future.

Omitting needless words improves these sentences:

I enjoy collecting old comic books.

Ben thinks that cable television will change our lives.

Vary Your Sentences. One part of effective writing is to vary the kinds of sentences you write. If every sentence follows the same pattern, writing may become monotonous to read. The following are four methods you can use to revise simple sentences, making them more complex and sophisticated:

1. Add a second complete thought (coordination).

When you add a second thought to a simple sentence, the result is a compound sentence. The two complete statements in a compound sentence are usually connected by a comma plus a joining or coordinating word (and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet). A compound sentence is used to give equal weight to two closely related ideas.

Greg worked on the engine for three hours, but the car still wouldn’t start.

Bananas were on sale this week, so I bought a bunch for the children’s lunches.

2. Add a dependant thought (subordination).

When you add a dependant thought to a simple sentence, the result is a complex sentence. A dependent thought begins with one of the following subordinating words:

after

although

though

as

because

before

even though

how

if, even if

in order that

since

that, so that

unless

until

what, whatever

when, whenever

where, wherever

whether

which, whichever

while

who

whose

A complex sentence is used to emphasize one idea over another.

Although the exam room was very quiet, I still couldn’t concentrate.

3.Revise by beginning with a special opening word or phrase.

Among the special openers that can be used to start sentences are – ed words, - ing words, -ly words, to word groups, and prepositional phrases. Here are examples of all five kinds of openers:

-ed word

Concerned about his son’s fever, Paul called a doctor.

-ing word

Humming softly, the woman browsed through the rack of dresses.

-ly word

Hesitantly, Sue approached the instructor’s desk.

to word group

To protect her hair, Eva uses the lowest setting on her blow dryer.

Prepositional phrase

During the exam, drops of water fell from the ceiling.

4. Revise by placing adjectives or verbs in a series.

Various parts of a sentence may be placed in a series. Among these parts are adjectives (descriptive words) and verb. Here are examples of both in a series:

Adjectives

I gently applied a sticky new Band-Aid to deep, ragged cut on my finger.

Verbs

The truck bounced off a guardrail, sideswiped a tree, and plunged down the embankment.