November 2011 - Present Day 3 страница

With our hands connected, we walk through the lobby of the hotel. The lobby is soothing and quiet in contrast to most Las Vegas hotel lobbies with their bright lights and dinging slot machines. The peaceful sound of water surrounds us, and the gleam of the floor is almost blinding. Everything about this place is tranquil.

As we wait for the elevator, I realize he’s still holding my hand, and we’re no longer in transit. We are standing still, holding hands as he looks at me with his powerful green eyes and rubs circles on the top of my hand with his thumb.

He’s explaining that he likes staying here because it is close to everything, but quiet, not all of the hustle and bustle of casino hotels. I can see what he means. This place is

like nowhere I have ever been. I feel like I’m in another time and another place. The more I stare into his eyes the more I feel I am.

Dropping my hand as we approach the elevator, he reaches for his wallet and takes out his room key. Upon entering the elevator, he puts his room key in the key slot and pushes the button for Penthouse A. I’m relieved that he doesn’t have a single room like mine, because what am I supposed to do while he showers, sit on his bed and drink?

As we ascend, he leans against the elevator door with his foot on the wall, his hands in his pockets, facing me. He smiles slightly, and I can see traces of his dimples. Then out of nowhere he breaks out in song, singing an ode to the t-shirt I wore earlier today. Watching him as he sings Lola, he seems lost in the song. He’s so attractive, and watching him sing makes my breath quicken and my insides tighten.

When he reaches the lyric that mentions Cherry Cola, he grins crookedly. His tone is amazing, and I just close my eyes and listen, trying to control my breathing. He stops singing before he gets to the next line about sipping champagne.

I’m hyperaware of his closeness without even opening my eyes. He strides to stand directly in front of me, and his breath is noticeably quicker. He takes my hand and kisses it before leaning into my ear and whispering, “Do you like Cherry Cola?” The elevator doors open, and the connection is lost.

 

 

SOMETHING MORE

 

 

I know there is something more

We don’t even know what we’re fighting for I have to ask why then

Because I don’t understand

I know there is something more.

 

 

I can’t stop thinking about everything that has already happened today as we exit the elevator. River grabs my hand and leads me down a magnificently decorated hallway. The floor is checkered in different white toned tiles, the walls are a spa-blue with creamy- white colored picture moldings equally spaced apart, each housing different photographs of the desert, secured by glass panels.

Walking down the hallway, I begin to wonder about the something more as my mind fades back to the question I asked myself so long ago. Does love at first sight really exist? It’s an interesting question. If you had asked me that question five years ago, I’d have said absolutely not. The love Ben and I had for each other evolved over our many years as friends. I can’t even remember when our love went from the love between two friends to falling in love.

Then one drunken girls night out, I met the man who is now leading me to his hotel room and wondered to myself; Could I suddenly believe in love at first sight? How could love at first sight even exist when you were already in love with someone else?

And now, after River’s serenade in the elevator, I’m asking myself that very same question again. Only this time, the man I was already in love with is gone. Ben is just a beautiful memory of my past, and with that, the ‘danger’ of the man next to me is gone as well.

Shaking my head to rid any thoughts of love, I choose to focus on lust instead. My body begins to tremble slightly and I have an ache that seems to radiate from everywhere. I want this man to touch me. I need him to touch me. Honestly, I want more

—a lot more. I’m fairly certain he wants that too. All I have to do is finish my interview first so we can move on to what I’ve wanted to do since I first saw him.

River pauses at the door while he takes the key that’s already in his hand and slides it into the key slot, pushing the door open. He drops his hand and puts it on the small of my back as he guides me into the suite. Walking in, I mentally take back my thoughts that he’s almost famous. This suite is definitely for famous people. It has floor-to-ceiling windows along the entire back wall. The living room is decorated similar to the hallway with soft color tones and contains a fireplace. The dining room houses a light beech wood table for twelve, and the kitchen is equipped with white marble countertops, built in coffee maker, and even a gas stove. The hardwood and marble flooring is like nothing I’ve seen in a hotel suite before. There is even a small swimming pool with a hot tub on the balcony overlooking the strip. The suite feels bigger than my house.

Setting his guitar down in the corner, he leaves his hand on my back while guiding me toward the window. He stands still for a moment, and I wonder what he is thinking. He slides his tongue over his bottom lip in an insanely hot manner. We’re so close that I can feel his warm breath on the nape of my neck. I admire his gorgeous face and smooth skin. I can almost touch his fully defined abdominal muscles through his t-shirt. He is so unbelievably good looking. I feel my heart quicken and if he gets any closer, I might just free-fall out the window, but I continue to look at him. His facial features are so alluring: he has a strong jaw, a sculpted nose, an extremely toned body, and his personality is extremely captivating.

“There isn’t another view in Las Vegas like the one from this window at night,” he says while unlocking the sliding glass doors and opening them. “I hope you plan to stick around to see the city light up.” Not waiting for an answer, he brushes by me to walk toward the kitchen, but not before dragging his fingers across the span of my back. His slight touch sends tingles all the way up to my neck.

On his way into the kitchen, he texts something on his phone, but I don’t ask what. Watching River walk that walk to the kitchen, I can only smile. “Is that an invitation?

Because I didn’t think I needed one,” I tease, now laughing out loud and grinning widely.

“You don’t,” he says as he turns back to catch me staring at his backside. He winks at me, and then grins so wide his dimples are almost pulsing.

River plugs his phone into an iPod dock on the counter and U2’s Beautiful Day surrounds us as he glances at me from under his brows, a small grin curving from his lips, and he hums along to the song. What is he doing?

Opening the refrigerator, River pulls out two bottles of beer. He lifts one up and asks, “Is this okay? I’m not really a good bartender, but I can try to whip up something if you want.”

I nod my head, my ever-present smile still in place. “It’s perfect. Can I get a glass of ice please?”

“Hmmm...” I hear River say, still grinning at me and shaking his head.

He starts opening and closing a few cupboards until he finds the glasses. He pulls down two and places them on the counter. After filling one with ice from the dispenser on the refrigerator door and pouring the beer into the glasses, he walks toward the large L

shaped sofa and motions for me to come over and have a seat.

As I walk toward him, I can’t help but notice how hot he looks. He’s like a magnet, and I’m a piece of metal being pulled to him without control. When I’m close enough to see into his eyes, the ones I have looked into one too many times, this time I’m thinking I hope they don’t let me out.

Raising an eyebrow, he says, “What are you smiling about?”

“Nothing. Everything. I don’t know,” I say, shrugging my shoulders and trying to resist the pull.

“Hmmm...” I hear again as he walks even closer to me. He motions with one hand for me to sit. I do as he suggests, and he hands me my drink and says, “That’s not very definitive.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

I’m a little distracted by his messy but perfect hair and overall good looks. I want to ask him if he has any idea how attractive he is. What’s wrong with me? I’m giddy like a teenager for Christ sakes!

Taking a large sip of my drink to cool down my overheated body, I immediately feel it; a brain-freeze. I squint my eyes trying to stop it, to will it away.

“Much colder with ic...” I hear him start to say, but the end of his sentence trails off.

I look up as he sets his glass on the table. He must have noticed my brain-freeze face because he says, “Close your eyes.”

I look at him quizzically while squinting.

His close proximity makes me feel even more off as he says, “Brain-freeze, right?” I nod my head yes and close my eyes.

Placing his fingers on each side of my temples, River firmly presses while massaging circles at the same time. The goosebumps rear their heads and my temples are on fire, forget the freeze.

I once again feel his nose in the crook of my neck, but this time on his way up to my ear he allows his lips to skim the most sensitive flesh of my neck. When he reaches my ear he whispers, “Better?”

Nodding my head slowly, I open my eyes, very aware of how close we are. My breathing starts to increase again. Does he realize what that little move does to me? I really just want to grab him, but I restrain myself, remembering dinner and the interview. Yes... dinner and interview.

Pulling back to a safe distance, River once again masters changing gears as his conversation leads us back to normalcy. He questions me about where I grew up, what I was like in high school, where I went to college, and my life in general.

My mind drifts back to Ben time and time again. I’m finding it difficult to not mention him, but his spirit occupies my every memory. I’m talking to River, but Ben is in my head. I start to wonder what the hell I’m doing.

A knock at his door distracts me from my thoughts of Ben, for now.

“That must be the food,” River says as he walks over to answer the door. A waiter wheels in a table full of plates covered with silver domes. After River hands him a tip, I shoot him a questioning look.

“Yeessss,” he says as he removes the domes to reveal an array of nibble-sized bites.

“When did you order food?” I say, squinting my eyes and pouting my lips.

“Texted down to the kitchen,” he says, making a slight groaning noise, and with his eyelids half closing he adds, “That look is hot.” I knew he’d say that.

All I can do is shake my head at him because what I really want to do is lie him down on the couch. What’s his game? He’s driving me to the edge and there is no way he isn’t there too. He was almost panting after his last move.

Pushing aside my need for a man’s human touch—his touch—we talk for almost another hour while we continue to drink and eat.

When we have both finished our second beer, mine with ice, his without, River stands up. “Feel free to make yourself at home while I take a quick shower.”

I’m watching River leave the room, admiring that walk that I can’t get enough of and the way his hair somewhat sticks out in the back, when he turns around and winks at me. Having caught me staring he mumbles something I can’t really hear, but sounds strangely like, you could join me if you want.

Disappearing into what I can only assume is the bedroom, I consider joining him. I really want to, but I’m here for work. Damn, I really need to get my shit together and get that interview done.

I make my way over to the window and I step outside. Horns are blowing, lights are flashing, and people are everywhere. As I stand up here looking down at all the chaos, I feel the disarray is a welcome relief to the life I have been living. I want so badly to just feel alive again. But everything still reminds me of Ben. Even here, now, with this incredibly hot, yet adorably charming man, my mind still wanders back to Ben and our trip to Las Vegas right after I finished graduate school.

Remembering when a group of our friends planned a couples weekend, I smirk even now at the word ‘couples’. It was more like a guy’s weekend and a girl’s weekend combined only for the sake of each couple sharing a hotel room. As soon as we arrived, the group of guys hit the casino and I never saw Ben again until he came stumbling into our room around four in the morning, drunk and not ready for sleep. The next day, we spent the morning together in our room and then he met the guys in the afternoon, this time I didn’t see him again until he stumbled into our room just in time to catch a cab back to the airport. That was the way we were, and honestly, I had a great time with my girlfriends that weekend. We played blackjack, did some shopping, ate fabulous food, and went clubbing at night. I had a blast.

Suddenly arms surround me as River braces his hands on the railing on both sides of me, suspending my memories of Ben. River has his front to my back, and I want to lean into him, just feel him, the entire length of his hard body against mine, but I don’t. I inhale his now familiar scent and close my eyes. Every nerve in my body is electrified with need. Two years of neglect has my body screaming for this man to touch me.

“Should we catch the sunset before we head out?” River says, standing so close, yet way too far away.

“I would love that. The sky is so clear, the sunset is going to be gorgeous,” I say, not turning around, and not moving a muscle because the pull of my body to his is so strong

right now, I can barely restrain myself.

“Yeah it is.”

I can tell by the way his warm breath is hitting my ear that he’s not looking at the sun, and that thrills me. Being surrounded by River and watching the sunset feels so right that I try to rid my mind of any thoughts of Ben so that I can focus solely on River. However, focusing on anything right now is hard to do. His close proximity to me has brought me back to the edge, and free falling with him once again occupies my mind.

After we watch the sunset, River moves back, leaving one hand on the rail next to me. “Ready?”

“Yes,” I say, glancing up and noticing how his strong arm leads the way to his gorgeous face.

When I turn completely around, I see him for the first time since emerging from the bedroom. I notice he’s wearing black denim frayed jeans with a gray button-down shirt that shows hints of his very defined muscles, a belt, and his black work boots. I notice that he is about the same build as Ben, maybe just slightly taller.

River grins as he detects my stare. “Do you see something you like?”

Before I can respond, I stumble slightly, having started to walk toward the living room and River’s nose is at my neck, but this time only because that is where I landed.

River doesn’t waiver as he uses the opportunity to glide his nose to my ear and whisper, “Hey gorgeous, you okay?” I feel his nose at my ear; I feel his breath, feel his lips slightly grazing my neck. But unlike the last time, he doesn’t pull back immediately and the electric pull takes over.

Responding in a very raspy tone, I start, “Absolutely, I’m...”

River doesn’t let me finish my sentence as he gently pushes me back against the rail. His arms are extended on either side of me, he’s surrounding me, caging me in, but once again, I don’t feel trapped. He never moves his lips away from my neck as he repositions us. My breath is hitched and my heartbeat has doubled as I tilt my head back to allow him full access to my neck. He’s softly running a trail of kisses from my neck up to my mouth, slowly, lightly licking, softly sucking, until his lips finally meet mine.

Parting my lips, I think I hear a groan from the back of his throat, and I know I hear a small moan of my own as his mouth presses against mine. I’m frozen, unable to move, not even able to lace my arms around him because I’m wrapped up in a different emotion. It’s happiness growing, overshadowing the sorrow. I feel all of my darkest days slipping away, right here, right now, with him—and I’m paralyzed.

My body starts to tremble, and I put my hands on his chest for support. He’s gently kissing me, sucking my bottom lip before he suddenly presses his mouth harder to my lips, his tongue colliding against mine. As soon as I start sliding my hands down his chest, he groans again, louder this time but then draws back. And just like that, our first real kiss is over.

But it wasn’t just a kiss. It was so much more. When our tongues met, it felt like our souls connected with each other as they passed through each other’s mouths. This soul mate feeling confuses me, but looking at him makes me smile. He grins back at me as he takes my hand, leading me through the living room and out the door without a word.

Standing in the silence of the elevator, our hands still connected, each lost in our own thoughts, we don’t look at each other, and we still don’t speak. Memories of Ben flood my mind, but these memories are searching, fleeting thoughts. I can’t remember my body reacting to Ben’s touch like it just did to River’s. He’s so seductive and alluring, he makes me want more than the kiss we just shared. God, does he not want me, is the skinny, frail girl standing next to him just not that appealing? Shaking off my self-doubts because of all the things I am, I’m not a needy, insecure girl. Maybe it’s time to cut my losses and run; finish this interview and take the next plane home.

As the doors open, my scattered thoughts are broken when River asks me if I’m hungry and I am transported into the now. I nod my head yes in response. We exit the elevator and walk through the lobby toward the doors; I’m thinking just finish your job and leave.

I stop abruptly when I remember that I don’t have any of the materials I need for the interview. I left my messenger bag in my hotel room when River knocked unexpectedly on my door. “Shit, I forgot my bag and I need it for the interview.”

River chuckles at me and leans in quietly. He seductively whispers, “Could we do the interview thing tomorrow because you’re looking far too sexy for me to concentrate on anything other than you?”

My emotions are a tangled mess as he gestures for a cab. “Are you playing some kind of game with me?”

“What do you mean?” he says, running his hands through his hair. He sounds genuinely confused as he opens the door to the cab.

Trying to keep my voice down I say, “What do I mean?” Then I point to the top floor of the building as we scoot into the cab. “What was that up on the balcony?”

River tells the cab driver, “N9 Steakhouse please.”

Then after turning to face me he says, “That was a kiss and I think... no, I know you know what that is.” His tone is much harsher than I have heard from him before.

My eyes open wide and my mouth drops open. I’m at a loss for words.

I don’t have to speak because River does before I can. “We’ve met before you know?”

I look at him a little perplexed and a little hurt that he hasn’t mentioned it. I nod my head indicating that, of course, I remember. Then with a low raspy voice I answer, “You remember meeting me and haven’t said anything up until now. Why?”

With an equally low voice and the harshness seemingly gone in his tone, he says, “Why haven’t you, Dahlia?” He’s looking at me with his powerful green eyes and I know there’s no seeing the future in them right now.

With honesty pouring out of me and thankful that he actually does remember me, I answer, “I just didn’t think you remembered me, that’s the only reason.” And I wonder why he seems to think there is more to it than that.

“That’s rich,” he says almost with a laugh, his harsh tone returning. He clenches his fists as he leans his head back on the cab seat.

I stare past him looking out the window to avoid his gaze. We are sitting still in the traffic. How appropriate. I don’t want to look at him. I’m trying not to cry. I’m confused and not sure what to think. After all the flirting, the attraction, and now the bitterness;

his emotions seem to ping-pong faster than I can keep track of and I know I have to get out of this game.

With sudden clarity, I turn my entire body to face him. Doing this with a dress on isn’t easy. I brace my hand on the seat in front of me so the slick leather bottom of my skirt doesn’t slide across the bench and I fully cross my legs. The cab starts moving again; horns are blowing and bright colored lights are flashing everywhere.

“River, I don’t want to play games. I don’t know what is going on here, but let’s just go back to my hotel, let me get my stuff, finish the interview, and then we can say our goodbyes.” I let him know this in as flat a tone as I can, knowing this is not what I want but what needs to happen.

Ignoring my request to change our destination he turns his entire body toward me. With his elbow up on the ledge of the back window and his knee slightly bouncing he says, “Dahlia, I’m not playing any games here. I’m just trying to figure things out. So let’s start with the night we met, okay?”

I nod but think this isn’t going to go well at all.

Sitting up and in a monotone, but rather harsh voice he asks, “Why did you leave the bar that night with another guy?”

“What are you talking about?”

Staring at me he says, “Dahlia, come on, just tell me the truth.”

“I didn’t leave with any guy. I left with my girlfriend Aerie. So what are you talking about?”

Running his fingers through his hair, he hisses his words between his teeth. “After my gig you were gone. Here I thought we had some intense connection. Then I had to go back on stage and you said you’d wait for me, but you didn’t. You just left. Later that night I had to stop by my brother’s frat house to look for my sister who left without us and I saw you there. You were standing with some guy near the stairs and he was sucking on your neck.”

He says the last part with disgust in his voice and I start to feel a little queasy. Never did I think my two worlds would collide like this. With my most apologetic tone and my eyes pleading forgiveness for my omission I say, “River, that wasn’t just some guy that was my boyfriend and I was afraid of what might happen between you and me, that’s why I left when I did.”

“That’s fucking fantastic news to hear now. That wasn’t something you thought you should share then?”

My eyes start tearing up as I say, “It’s not like that, you don’t understand.”

He curls his lips into a sneer as the cab starts inching its way to nowhere. While gritting his teeth and looking at the floor he says, “Really, because I think I understand pretty well. You were out for fun and looking to have a good time.”

Raising his gaze to meet mine he continues with, “Do you have a boyfriend now?”

I flush, swallowing back my tears. I’m a little pissed myself now at his bitter reaction, so in a slightly clipped tone I answer, “No, Ben was my boyfriend but he died almost two years ago, and actually he was my fiancé.”

His eyes flash to mine and I see compassion and maybe a little bit of pain in them. He

studies my face like he’s trying to bring back the last five years but doesn’t know how. “Is he the same guy? The boyfriend from the party and your fiancé?”

Trying to wash away my somber mood, I say, “Yes, Ben was my boyfriend since we were like five. Well not really but it seemed like it. We actually knew each other since we were five.”

“Hmmm...” is all River says at first. Then after a few beats he looks at me. His eyes are a little softer, and he seems more understanding. And just like that, the charming man that seems to captivate me is back. “That explains a lot. Why...?” He doesn’t get to finish his question as the cab driver announces our arrival at the restaurant.

I put my hand on his knee. I’m a little shaken by our exchange but for some reason drawn even closer to him. I don’t know if we can recover from this and honestly I’m afraid to go too much further in case we can’t. “River, let’s just end this here.”

Taking my hand from his knee he lifts it to his mouth and lightly kisses it in the same way he has done before. My goosebumps return and I have to swallow a few times to get the huge lump out of my throat. Still holding onto my fingers, our hands now resting on his leg, he lifts my chin with his other hand and rubs his thumb over my lips. “Dahlia, stay and have dinner with me? You owe me that much for standing me up that night. Then let’s see what happens.” He says this very softly, almost like a whisper as he continues to run his thumb back and forth over my bottom lip. The cab driver gets out of the cab and opens my door. It’s a gesture I’m sure to move us along.

As resolutely as I can, I say, “Okay fine, dinner and then the interview.” But I know that’s not all I meant. It’s time to remove our masks to see if there is really something more between us, but in order to do this I have to get my emotions under control. This is easier said than done around River Wilde, especially because, as I get out of the cab, I can still feel the searing left behind on my lips from his touch.

 

 

HOLD MY HEART

 

 

How long until I see what you see Until I see through your facade Stop bringing me to my knees

And tell me you’re everything you say you are And how long until I let you hold my heart.

 

 

There are some things I expected when I landed in Las Vegas this morning: casinos, alcohol, video gaming, slot machines, crap tables, neon lights, and even River Wilde. What I didn’t expect was the bitter exchange that just took place in the cab.

Grabbing my hand, he leads me to the elevator inside the large glass building. As we stand in silence, I take the opportunity to collect my thoughts as we rise the forty floors to the restaurant. First, he remembers me. Second, he is, was, I’m not sure, upset with me for leaving that night. Finally, he went to the Kappa Sigma party to look for his sister after leaving the USC Campus Bar and saw me with Ben.

The facts are easier to sort than the underlying feelings accompanying them. It’s my feelings I can’t seem to get a handle on. They are growing, almost intensifying with every word he says to me. And although I don’t really know him, this doesn’t dampen the unspoken truth that I feel more connected to him right now than any other living man.

These are the feelings driving me to stay here, to not walk away. But the biggest reason keeping me here is I actually get him. He’s mad right now, but what I see are his struggles between his emotions and his charm. I can see through his anger to his wounded pride at being jilted. I can also see a little hurt there too. The fact that I get him intrigues me, it captivates me, and makes me want him more.

Facts and unanswered questions are swirling in my head as I exit the elevator into the restaurant. We are hand in hand and I’m wondering how this can be real. Doubts start to cloud my reason. Is he on the up and up or is he trying to get me back for leaving that night? Is this all a game? If it’s not, can we put the past behind us? Can I tell him about

Ben? What is his motivation in asking me to stay, while pushing me away at the same time? My doubts mix with my certainties, but what I’m most concerned about is why do I feel every time he looks at me he can see through to my soul?

I’m desperately trying to shut thoughts of Ben out of my mind, but for some reason the conversation keeps leading back to him. Not literally in terms of using his name, but figuratively in that all outcomes of this conversation lead to Ben.

As the hostess leads us to a secluded U-shaped booth, I notice the beautiful view of Las Vegas. Our booth faces the interior of the restaurant, and a wall of glass is to our right. Sliding into the booth, I turn to look out at the view and long for the tranquility it offers.

I stay very close to the edge of the booth, not allowing River access from my end. He smirks at me when I don’t move in but doesn’t say anything. He just nods as he gets in from the other end and sits down.

The restaurant is dimly lit, but there is an ominous glow coming from the candle in the center of the table and I swear from River too. As we sit in silence, I know he’s staring at me. I can feel it, but I don’t look at him. Instead, I shift my eyes down to study my menu.

When the waiter approaches, he asks what I would like to drink, and I order my trademark cocktail. “A filthy Grey Goose martini with extra olives, please.”