November 2011 - Present Day 5 страница

Watching me intently as I chew, he turns to sit up. I notice his breath catch and he clears his throat. He places his feet on the concrete perpendicular to me and rests his elbows on his knees. In a low and husky voice he says, “Sounds good to me.”

His head is down, but he’s looking at me with his powerful eyes like I’ve never been looked at before. The way he pierces his eyes at me makes me anxious. He puts his palms together; lacing his fingers and inhales a deep breath. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” I say while continuing to lie on the chaise. I dig my feet into the mesh underneath me in an attempt to stop my jittery nerves.

Bringing his head up, he runs his hands through his hair. “Have you dated anyone since he died?”

“No,” I whisper and say nothing else as my body suddenly goes cold.

Clearing his throat, he blinks thoughtfully and resumes his gaze. “Have you ever slept with anyone else?” he asks, then moves to lean back in his seat. Putting his arms behind his head, he stretches his legs before adding, “Besides him I mean?”

“No,” I whisper again, this time turning to look at the clear sky ahead with its stars shining brightly. “Sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?”

With concern clearly etched in his voice and words spoken that I never expected, he says, “Hey Dahlia, look at me.”

As I turn my head to look at him, his expression is one of compassion and maybe a little unease. Swallowing, he holds his steady gaze. “That’s not pathetic at all. It’s a beautiful thing, being with the same person, caring about someone enough to want to get through all the shi... crap life throws your way with them.”

He’s talking to me about Ben, and it’s a little overwhelming at first. Strangely, I find comfort in being able to openly discuss my true reason for not waiting for him after his gig the night we met. I also find his concern and honesty extremely touching. Oddly enough, the mention of Ben’s name right now does not send me spiraling back into my memories. My mind is moving forward toward River, and my body starts to quiver with need again at that thought.

“Yeah, he was there for me through all the shit life threw my way.”

I pause; taking a moment to collect myself and think just for tonight I’m pushing Ben aside and letting River in.

“Ben might be the only man I have ever slept with, but he’s not the only man I’ve ever wanted to have sex with.”

He starts to say something, but I don’t let him. Instead I put my finger to my lips and make a shhh sound. I stand up to take that one big step keeping us apart. Once I do, I walk over to him and straddle myself on his lap. Watching him, I can’t tell if the look on his face is shock or surprise, but when he sighs, his arms instantly loop around my waist and I don’t really care anymore what his facial expression was. Enjoying our closeness, I lean in and whisper into his ear, “That’s why I left the bar five years ago, because I wanted what I shouldn’t. I didn’t care about anything else. I wasn’t thinking about consequences, so I had to leave.”

When I lean back a little to look at him, he gasps. His breath is shallow and quick as I wrap my arms around his neck and look into his eyes. That’s when I know it’s time to jump in. Running my hands through his messy hair, I press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I’ve never wanted anyone like I wanted you then, like I want you now.”

Grabbing my face, he tries to pull me to his lips, but I resist. I need a minute longer to finish saying what needs to be said. “I think you were right about timing and fate.” I stop for a second to lightly kiss his soft lips before I finish. “And I know you were right that I can do this, but River, what you don’t know is that I want to do this more than anything.”

I feel him shutter beneath me as a groan echoes from the back of this throat. I’m finished with words, so I move to kiss his neck inhaling his fresh scent and enjoying the smoothness of his stubble-free skin. Then I roll my tongue down his throat, making my way to the top of his chest. His head drops back, but as soon as I nip his skin, he sits up a little straighter and grabs my hips, clutching them and pulling me into him. My leather skirt rides up to just below my ass and I know he has figured this out when the palms of his hands glide down my backside and I hear another groan, louder this time as he hisses out an erotic breath.

When I trail kisses back up his neck, I can feel his lips in my hair and I can hear him pull air through his nose as if capturing the clean, citrus scent of my hair. My lips head toward his mouth and when I reach his jawline, I again feel the amazing smoothness of his skin. I stop to gaze at his perfect face and when he looks back at me with desire in his eyes, I know he wants me as much as I want him.

When I press a little harder into him, I smile because I can feel his arousal. This only ignites my body further and pushes the limits of my own desire; the desire that has been in hibernation for so long and is fondly welcoming aestivation.

Before I make it back up to his mouth, he dips his head and slams his lips over mine, flicking his tongue against mine. With both of us panting heavily, he stands up, taking me with him. He wraps his arms around my thighs, urging my legs around his waist. I grab the hair behind his head and hold on.

Walking through the living room door, he pauses dragging his tongue up my neck before gliding his nose to my ear and whispering, “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything.” I say right back, without a shred of hesitation. And it’s true. I want him. I need him. This is never truer than right now as he’s touching me, running his hands over each of my ribs, over the almost non-existent curves of my chest, and up and down my body, searing my skin in his every wake. Just as I know that I haven’t been touched in almost two years, I also know I’ve never been touched like

this before. As he continues to touch me, the searing turns into burning, and I know only he can cool it.

Instead of continuing toward the bedroom he takes a step toward one of the unopened glass doors. With my legs still framed around his waist, I’m surprised when I feel the slight chill of the glass against my back, and I gasp a little. My dress has ridden up to near waist level and my panties are completely exposed. Loving the feel of his hard body now pressed against mine, I deepen the kiss. My lips feverishly slide along his. My tongue moves in and out of his mouth with the same urgency as his.

We stay like that for I don’t know how long. He’s pressing his body to mine, sliding his hands up and down my length. Both of us kissing, tasting each other, caressing our tongues together. My hands are still in his hair, tugging harder as our kisses become before frantic. I’m moaning when he pulls back and sets me down.

As he pushes aside a piece of my hair, tucking it behind my ear, he seductively whispers, “Dahlia, I want you. I want to kiss you, touch you, make you come over and over again. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”

Goosebumps cover my body and I’m so thankful for the hard glass that is supporting me. I’m shaking so badly right now I’m not sure I could support myself. He starts to trail kisses down my neck, over my décolleté, and down to my chest. Then he slides his tongue over my nipple, still covered by my dress. Pushing the fabric to the side, he holds it in place and his teeth nip the lacey material of my bra. Pulling my bra down, he starts sucking my nipple, tasting me, circling his tongue around and around, occasionally blowing a cool breath of air on each. He does this over and over again until I begin to moan and a slight jolt of pleasure flickers through my body.

I can feel his smile as he kisses his way back up to my lips. He stops to nip and suck my sensitive skin along the way. With the hand that was holding my top to the side, he skims my navel. He moves his hand back and forth as his fingertips lightly brush over the top edge of my panties.

He slides his leg in between mine pushing my thighs apart. His hand continues to move and his thumb lightly touches the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. My core is aching for his hand to move back up.

Sucking in a breath, I sweep my fingers up and then down his back. I slip my hands in the waistband of his jeans and skim them along the elastic of his boxers. Letting out a light moan, I slide them all the way around to the fly of his pants. Hissing in a quick breath, he swallows as I unbutton his jeans.

He presses light kisses across my jawline to my ear where he whispers, “You are so beautiful, perfect really.”

With heat and desire pooling in me, I can’t take any more foreplay. I reach around to his lower back and untuck his shirt. I slide my hands up his chest to the top button and begin slowly unfastening each one.

He’s practically panting as I undo the last button. His head falls back ever so slightly before it dips back down to mine. He sucks on my lower lip before kissing me then flicks his tongue against mine.

His hand moves back up my thigh. Pushing my panties aside, he starts drawing circles

across my slick flesh. My breath is coming in shorter gasps as he plunges one finger inside me, slowly moving it in and out. My head falls back, hitting the glass when his thumb strokes me, but the throbbing that is spreading throughout my whole body masks the pain.

He whispers in my ear as his lips explore my neck, “You’re so beautiful,” and that is my undoing.

My fingers claw into the front pockets of his jeans as my muscles clench into a tight ball, and my body explodes into a thousand pieces. I hear him talking, but his sound is masked by my own cries of pleasure.

He pushes my body back against the glass with the force of his own. He rests his forehead on mine and places both of his palms against the glass on either side of me. His elbows are almost touching the glass, and his breath just as erratic as mine.

My body is screaming for more. I want him inside me. I need for him to relieve the bigger ache I have, the one that has been frozen for almost two years. With panting breaths, I bite my lip as I move to unzip his fly. As I finish, he lifts me up again and carries me into the bedroom.

Once inside the room, he kicks the door shut, sets me on my feet, and turns me around. He moves my hair aside and kisses my neck, seductively whispering, “God, I need you now,” while unzipping the back of my dress. Pulling my dress down, he kisses my right shoulder. “You’re so beautiful.” Pulling down the other side he whispers, “You smell so good.”

He turns me back around to untie the belt at my waist; he then kisses each of my eyelids. “I love your eyes, their color, the way they look at me.” He moves to sit on the bed and pulls me to stand between his legs. Motioning for me to lift one foot, and then the other, he unbuckles my ankle straps and removes my shoes. “There’s just something about you that I haven’t been able to forget.” While still sitting on the bed, he tugs my dress all the way down and it puddles to the floor. He kisses my stomach softly. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for five years.”

As the moonlight streams through the windows, I struggle to find my breath as all the air leaves my lungs from his words, his charm, his everything. He just leaves me breathless. Standing up, he stares at me in just my bra and panties and then in one quick move he removes my bra and slides my panties off my hips where they too fall to the ground. He continues to stare for a few more seconds before raking his eyes down my body. “You’re perfect, really.”

I stand there completely naked, vulnerable, and unable to move. I’m shaking as he steps closer and touches me. His hands wander from my hips around to my backside and he pulls me to him. “Do you want me?”

“So much.”

Pressing my body into his, it almost feels like we’re about to perform an erotic dance. I rip his shirt from his body, and it falls to the ground. Sliding my hands up his hard smooth chest, I push him down on the bed and fall on top of him, kissing his throat as he groans in my ear. Running my hands further down the deeply etched V in his abs, I slide one hand into his boxers. I finally grasp him, moving my hand up and down his length as

he moans louder panting my name.

Gently rolling me on my side, he sits up and quickly removes his shoes and socks. I prop myself up on my elbows as I watch him standing there taking off his jeans. He reaches down to the floor to pick up them up and pulls a condom out of his wallet, tossing it on the bed, before removing his boxers.

He’s standing in front of me, gloriously naked, and I can’t help but smile a huge smile. He really is the sexiest man alive. His body is just amazing. He has chiseled arms, hard abs, and taut muscles. He grins back at me as he bends down and kisses my lips, my jaw, my ear. He lightly sucks on my lobe and then returns to my lips.

I pull him on top of me as his hands go from my hips, to my breasts, to my hair, and then clutching my face with both his hands he loudly groans. “I want to touch you everywhere, all of you Dahlia. I want you.”

Trying to manage words, I hoarsely say, “I want you too.”

Shaking his head, he lets out a low husky laugh as he responds, “You’re just too sexy.” Drawing away for a mere second, he lets go of my face and rolls us over. I cannot wait any longer; I reach across the bed, pick up the packet, and tear it open. His eyes glaze over as he watches me, his breath heavy. I move to the side as I attempt to put the condom on him. I can feel his body trembling under my touch, and my body quakes in

response.

I’ve never put a condom on a man before, and my hands are shaking so badly I can’t possibly do it. Leaning into him, I laugh against his mouth. “I’ve never done this, you’re going to have to help me.”

And with that, he laughs along with me as he says, “Dahlia, you are... amazing.” The moment isn’t broken as he chuckles, “Yeah, I can do it.”

But he doesn’t, instead he reaches for another packet and tosses it on the bed as he throws the unused condom to the floor. Then gazing at me with his powerful green eyes, he says, “But there’s something I have to do first, something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time.”

Then gently, he rolls me over onto my back, resting my head on the soft pillows. He moves his leg over my body. Hovering over me, he looks down with a wicked grin and says, “Dahlia, I need to taste you.”

 

 

CLOSER

 

 

Help me tear down my walls I want to be near you

I need to feel you

I don’t want to be with anybody else I only want to get closer to you.

 

 

Photography is all about finding the moment, but it’s nice to know when to put the camera down. Sometimes I’ll ask myself, “Do I want to photograph this, or should I just experience it?” Right now in this moment I know I want to just experience it.

With his last words, our momentary lapse into laughter quickly fades and emerges as a different emotion entirely—pure desire. He’s standing in front of me while I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, nodding, speechless. Emotions are sailing through me as we embark on this course, seeking the beautiful horizon. I want him. No, I need him—badly. But, as quick as a sail goes up on a windy day, a surge of nervousness wraps itself around my desire like the chain of an anchor, dragging me down. He wants to taste me? Thank God Aerie took me to the salon! I haven’t slept with a man in almost two years. Is it like riding a bike? Do I remember or even know how to do this? God, what am I doing naked in front of this delicious man whose middle name could be Seduction? Should I stop now before embarrassing myself, before drowning myself in the vast ocean?

He must sense my apprehension because as he leans into me, he whispers, “Don’t worry, we’ll take it slow.” His words do extraordinary things to me. They give me the courage to continue the course we have charted, to dive into this sea of desire so welcoming, so warm, so inviting.

Moving between my legs, he rests on his forearms as he begins to softly kiss my lips. Snaking my arms around his neck, I pull him closer to me, arching my back and pressing myself up into him. I want him inside me, now, but he seems content taking it slow. I’m aching for him, not only because I’ve been abstinent for so long, but also because I have

wanted him for far longer.

As my hands slide along his taut muscles, feeling the smooth skin of his back, they make their way around his hips and feel their way to the point of no return. Before they meet their destination, he stops kissing me. Raising his head, breathing heavily, he lifts himself back up onto his arms and looks at me pointedly. “Not yet,” he whispers, shaking his head and kissing my nose before gliding his lips down my throat.

As I try once again to slip my hands around his hips to feel his hardness, he slides his body further down mine. I can feel his grin as his mouth connects with my hard wanton nipple, circling it, sucking it before moving to the other. The feeling is overwhelming, and I’m shocked that I feel like I can come again so quickly. Knotting my fingers in his hair, I begin tugging on it as if it’s a life raft pulling me ashore.

My hold is lost as he descends further down my body, my breath increasing at an alarming rate. I can feel his tongue on my stomach, jetting in and out of my navel, as small moans escape me. River mutters, “You taste so good.”

As his mouth lingers on my slick flesh, my core starts to pulse in anticipation, and a much louder, “Yes,” escapes my lips.

Hearing his hitched, ragged breathing as he slowly sucks, lightly strokes, tastes, and licks my most sensitive skin I start to moan his name. As his tongue plunges inside my core, going as deep as it possibly can, moving in and out in a constant rhythm, his eyes flick up at me. He notices I’m watching him. “Fuc... Dahlia, you’re just so hot,” he moans with a devilish grin.

When he starts circling his tongue around me, I lose all ability to function. He then presses his tongue harder while slipping one finger inside me. He pauses again to say, “God, you taste so sweet,” and when he slides a second finger in, I can no longer even remember my own name.

I start to grind myself against his mouth, his fingers. “Oh God, River,” I cry out as I come harder than I’ve ever come in my life, momentarily leaving this planet behind.

As I float back down to Earth, he’s slowly, seductively making his way up my body, still licking and tasting every inch of my skin. His mouth meets mine and I can taste myself. It is the most erotic feeling. He lightly licks my bottom lip from the outside around to the inside. I open my mouth further, and his tongue brushes against mine. He gently bites down then flutters his tongue against the tip of mine before finally kissing me.

As we continue to kiss, I trail my fingers down the deep line of his abdomen. His stomach clenches beneath my fingers as I pass over his sensitive flesh. I hear him let out a sharp breath as I wrap my hand around his girth, making my way down to the base. □

Shifting my body, I’m now hovering over him. Breathing, panting, almost gasping, I can feel each and every pulse radiating from his hardness. I can barely hear the music in the background, but I think I hear Sex Therapy playing from his phone. How appropriate. As my hand finds its own rhythm, I begin sucking on his lower lip, moving to his upper lip, before running my tongue over the roof of his mouth, making him groan even louder.

Stopping only to look into his powerful green eyes, which are darker, filled with deep desire, I pull back to an almost sitting position. I can hear his breathing; fast and unsteady, nearly uncontrollable, much like my own right now.

“River,” I say while reaching for the condom packet, tearing it open and handing it to him. “Do you know how much I want you?” I feel like a spider caught in his web of seduction, or maybe it’s my web.

“God, Dahlia I want you so much,” he whispers to me as one corner of his mouth lifts, and he grabs the condom. Watching as he rolls the condom on, smiling and more than ready, I move to align my sex with his. His face is a picture of clear passion.

He smiles, grips my head, and pulls my mouth to his. As he deepens the kiss, I open my mouth further to welcome the softness of his eager tongue. His fingertips press into my hips, searing me, as I lower myself onto him.

Watching him closely as he fills me completely, I think this is the most satisfying thing I have ever felt. I begin to move faster. He clutches my hips trying to slow my pace, but I don’t let him.

Sucking in a deep breath, he bites his bottom lip before closing his eyes and cringing in ecstasy. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this,” he manages through gritted teeth.

Opening his eyes, he rolls us over still connected. I’m now under his beautifully hard body. While moving inside me with slow even thrusts, he’s kissing down my neck, touching my arms, cupping my breasts, thumbing my nipples. I like that he doesn’t know what part of me he wants to touch.

Fire burns through my veins as a blaze of arousal flames through my body. Moans of passion flood the room as my fingertips claw his very well defined muscular back, urging him to move faster.

My head falls back as I suck in a breath. The lyrics from Robin Thicke’s Sex Therapy echo from the other room and River sings me his own version of the song. “It’s your body, we’ll go slow if you want or as hard as you want to.”

Moving slowly, precisely, intently, he momentarily stops kissing my neck. “Dahlia, you feel so good.”

Gazing at me as his hips continue to slowly roll, he kisses one cheek then the other, kisses my nose, then my eyelids in turn. He moves toward my mouth, reaches under me, and pushes me upwards allowing himself to plunge deeper inside. It’s much more intense.

“Oh God, don’t stop,” I cry as I wrap my legs around his waist, our bodies fitting together like they were made for each other. Moaning himself, he starts to pick up the pace as he grabs my hand and pulls it to his heart.

The moonlight is luminescing through the windows as I moan louder now, feeling the buildup approaching from within me again. And when I look into his face I know he’s there too.

Opening his mouth, halting his breathing, I feel him start to explode. Groaning low and intensely, he stills for a beat as I scream out in pleasure from the mind-blowing orgasm that rivets through my body. Cupping his chin with my free hand, I pull him to me as every fiber of my being tingles from my head to my toes. As the intensity of our kiss calms, our lips rest together. Panting against each other, he gently trails his fingers up my cheek and wipes my hair from my face before resting his forehead to mine. “You take

my breath away.”

As our breathing becomes more controlled, he gently rolls off me and lies by my side. Removing the condom, he ties it in a knot, and tosses it to the floor alongside the unused one. Then he pulls me into his arms. Caressing my cheek, he turns to look at me with his gleaming green eyes. “That was amazing, definitely worth the wait.”

I nod my head and words momentarily escape me. Oh my God, why didn’t we do that before? But I remember why. Ben. I think about how glad I am that I didn’t succumb to my desire for River that night at the bar because I unequivocally know I would never have recovered from it, from him, and even now I’m not so sure I ever will.

Needing to rid my mind of my inability to see this for what it probably is, a one-night- stand, I stare back into his eyes and say, “If your definition of amazing is incredibly hot sex with an equally incredible partner, I definitely agree.”

He looks at me with a smirk on his face that says more than words possibly could.

With my arm draped over his chest, I lightly stroke his smooth skin as he rubs circles on my back. I glance up at him, wanting to clear the room of the throws of passion that are still knocking at my door and say, “Was that Robin Thicke I heard playing from your phone?”

Rolling onto his side, his eyes meet mine as he circles his finger around my ear lobe, tugging on it before leaning in to kiss just the corner of my lips. Then raising an eyebrow, the biggest grin crosses his face. “I’m willing to explore your naughty side. Are you willing to let me unleash mine?” He follows his own adorable lyrics with a wink.

As I laugh at his half-hearted attempt to once again revise the words of a song, he grabs my hips and a new hunger surfaces between us. He rolls on top of me, and I think this time we aren’t taking it slow.

 

 

SAY

 

 

Don’t have any doubts Don’t have any fears Because in the end

It’s better to say too much Then not to say anything at all.

 

 

Having stayed awake most of the night, and seeing a glimmer of light through the window from the rising dawn, we lie quietly together, entangled in a mess of sheets. My head is on his chest with one of my legs wrapped around his, and I’m trailing my fingers down his smooth body as he nuzzles his nose in my hair, caressing my lower back.

Never having had a one-night stand, I didn’t know what to expect, but I didn’t expect this. Plenty of my friends have experienced casual sex. They’ve always described it as a quick fuck, sometimes followed by a sleepover. Either way, they’ve usually said both people wanted out the door as soon as possible.

And yet, in this moment, I don’t want our time to end. Last night was amazing. River and I were together in a way I’ve never experienced before, not just the sex and the multiple orgasms, but also his constant tender touches, the heat I felt everywhere surging throughout my body, his softly spoken words, and just our utter awareness. I find myself hoping that he asks me for my phone number and we see each other again.

Wondering if all new sexual encounters are this satisfying, I try to keep in mind that Ben and I were together for so long that our lovemaking became routine; dare I say somewhat expected. I also remind myself I haven’t experienced a man’s touch in a long while, so of course my sexual re-awakening thrills me.

Knowing I shouldn’t be comparing Ben to River, I do it anyway. I thought my sex life with Ben was fulfilling, but after what I experienced last night, it seems like it may have been a little empty. I think about how wrong it is of me to compare this very much alive and breathing man to Ben, who is no longer here on earth living freely.

Am I always going to make comparisons to Ben? I already know the answer is yes. But usually anytime I compare anything to Ben, Ben is always better. If I make stir-fry, I think: Ben made it better. If I read an article in the paper, I think: Ben would have written it better. Now I’m comparing sex, and I know it’s wrong. I have to stop this wave of thinking. I have to remember Ben was my life, but is no longer here, but River is. I also have to remember River is someone I allowed to seduce me for the sheer pleasure of having amazing casual sex.

I’m failing miserably at trying to channel the casual sex, one-night stand mentality because continually scrolling through my head are all of River’s endearing qualities. Qualities that include: his sexiness, his charm, his concern, his playfulness, and his awareness—our awareness of each other, he of me, and me of him. Seems odd to feel this connected to someone who I may never see again. Even now in the lull of our aftermath, I’m absorbing the sensation of his calm and relaxed breathing, and I know he’s sensing my satisfaction.

Trying to make myself stay focused, I forcefully return my thoughts to the list of things I need to do this morning. Things that include: finishing the interview, saying goodbye to River, getting to the airport, and boarding the plane destined to take me to the place so far away from this bliss.

His attention is interfering with my plans. It’s challenging my ability to focus. Thinking about the way he reacts to me and interacts with me; the way he makes me feel like he really cares is clouding my judgment. But then I remember my Google search. River appearing just as attentive in picture after picture with different women on his arm and that brings me back to my original casual sex thought.

Sitting up, I attempt to slip out of bed but River pulls me down and crushes me to the mattress as he leans over me. “Where you going?” he asks, smirking, his voice sounding raspy, groggy from lack of sleep.