A Feminist Classic from the Early '70s

By Judy Syfers

I belong to that classification of people known as wives-I am A Wife. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother. Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is obviously looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife? I would like to go back to school. And I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school, I want a wife to take care of the children. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children's clothes and keep them mended, who arranges for their schooling, takes them to the park, the zoo, et cetera. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. Needless to say, my wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife's income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that.

I want a wife to take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be. I want a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife to plan the menus, do the necessary shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care of me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school.

I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself. But I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.

If I happen to find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, as I expect a fresh, new life, my wife will have to take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife's duties.

My God, who wouldn't want a wife?

Ex. 511. Read the poem and learn it Comment on the Infinitives