Communicating With Adult ChildrenThere are circumstances when you must deal with an adult child in a very assertive way, such as when you feel that a grandchild is in an unhealthy situation. Abusive situations must be reported to the authorities. In most other situations, your approach should be quite the opposite. The best way to HYPERLINK " http: //grandparents.about.com/od/grandparentingtoday/a/BridgingGap.htm" bridge the generation gap is to use tact and to defer to the parent’s right to make child-rearing decisions. Special care may be needed in HYPERLINK " http: //grandparents.about.com/od/grandparentingroles/a/Stepgrands.htm" stepfamily relationships. Here are seven guidelines for communicating with your adult children:
1. Don’t let family ties be an excuse for rudeness. For most interactions with your adult child, you must be diplomatic. The guideline here is to act as you would behave if the person were not related to you. Imagine that you are dealing with a younger adult with whom you are close, but who is not a part of your family. It may help you to have a particular person in mind—Johnny, for example. When you are considering saying something to your adult child, ask yourself, “Would I speak this way to Johnny? ” If the answer is “no, ” then don’t say it, or say it in a different way. Our family members deserve at least the same courtesy that we extend to the world at large. 2. Think before you talk. That is, of course, a good rule for almost every person in almost every situation, but it is also difficult for us all. Everyone at some time or another is going to say something he or she should not have said. Forgiveness is more likely, however, if we have built up a history of being kind and non-interfering. 3. Build a foundation of good feelings. Praise your child’s parenting skills whenever it is possible and appropriate. Simple statements such as, “I love how you explain things to Thomas, ” can be powerful in fostering the feeling that you approve of your child as a parent. And parental approval is probably still important to your adult child. 4. Don't make statements about how you raised your children. Such statements often have a critical tone. You are allowed, however, to tell funny stories about how something you did as a parent backfired on you or to relate in a kind of ‘gee-whiz’ manner some of the strange things parents used to do—“Can you believe I bought you a cap gun when you were three? ” Otherwise, be aware that child-rearing philosophies and practices have changed since you were a young parent. Respect that. You don’t expect your children to drive 30-year-old cars; don’t expect them to follow 30-year-old practices. Once my daughter was having a tantrum, and my mother-in-law advised me to pour a glass of ice water on her. I resisted her suggestion, of course, just as my children might reject some of my suggestions. I. Find the equivalents in the text: Взрослый; иметь дело с…; решительно; случаи жестокого обращения; преодолеть конфликт поколений; такт; право родителей; воспитание детей; забота; отношения с неродными матерью или отцом; грубость; быть дипломатичным; не быть родственником; заслуживать; вежливость; великодушие; добрый; не вмешивающийся; хвалить; знания в области воспитания детей; родительское одобрение; критический тон; оборачиваться против; рассказывать с энтузиазмом; пистолет с пистонами; уважать; ожидать; истерика; отклонить. II. Learn these words and word combinations by heart. III. Role play. Actors: Grandfather, Grandmother, Family Consultant. Situation: Grandparents are dissatisfied with the child-rearing practices in their daughter’s family. They describe some facts of their daughter’s and son-in law’s “wrong’ actions towards their grandchildren. Family consultant gives some advice. Use the words and word combinations from the text.
Make a Commitment to Avoid Divorce- This Will Help Stop Conflict between Husband and Wife
Constant conflict between husband and wife can be devastating not only for a marriage, but for the family unit as well. The stress and tension it puts on the whole family can have lasting effects. It's time to find a way to stop the conflict, and work towards saving your marriage. Are you afraid that your marriage is heading towards divorce and that you can't stop it? Do you feel stress, tension, anxiety, distance, distrust or anger towards or from your spouse? Are you worried that they are going to quit on your relationship and that there is nothing you can do about it? If so, then it is time to make some changes and work towards rescuing your marriage. Remove Divorce As An Option - Choose to Work Through the Conflict Between You Two No one is saying that your marriage isn't difficult. It might even be miserable. But an interesting set of statistics shows that people who take divorce off the table as an option not only resolve their issues, but end up being happier than ever. If your marriage is feeling troubled, and you're considering divorce, consider trying alternate therapies instead, marriage counseling, or just some open communication. But whatever you do, don't bring up the " D" word as an option, because doing that will change the rules of the game. Now, of course it's important to acknowledge that there are a lot of influences on you to get a divorce. Your friends who don't like your spouse and popular culture. It's a common statistic that most marriages end in divorce, and so it seems like an acceptable, even normal way to resolve problems in a marriage. But let's look at some statistics. Of all the couples surveyed who were contemplating divorce and then decided not to go through with it, 80% claimed to be happily married only five years later. In all likelihood this is due to two elements. The first is that those couples who decide not to consider divorce had no choice but to deal with the conflict between themselves head on. This is a powerful and proactive tactic that will lead to acknowledgment of the problems the couples face, and maybe even to solutions. The other element is that once divorce is considered, the dynamic of the relationship is changed. This is a more subtle, though far more destructive product of considering divorce. The dynamic of this is simple. When a fundamental disagreement develops in a marriage - as it will in almost all relationships - those who never consider divorce are forced to deal with the disagreement. Those who do consider divorce preserve an " out" that can be used without ever addressing the issue. As the problems in the marriage mount the easy out of divorce can become more and more appealing. This thinking will take both of you, however. When both people in a marriage are actively searching for a solution to a problem, and both accept that divorce is not - and will not be - an option, a solution will almost surely be found. You and your spouse will be asking what you can do to make your marriage better, rather than asking if it's worth it, or if you should cut your losses and run. This is one of the HYPERLINK " http: //9d40dg-io9trhw9a-wlmgz8zeb.hop.clickbank.net/? tid=CONFLICT" \o " Secrets of Marriage" \t " _blank" Secrets of Marriage.
I. Find the equivalents in the text: Разрушительный; брак; напряжение; пора; развод; тревога; разобщенность; недоверие; злость; супруг; испортить; спасение; устранить; возможный выбор; преодолеть; несчастливый; снять вопрос с обсуждения; дать трещину; альтернативные средства; консультации по вопросам брака; откровенный разговор; рассматривать в качестве варианта решения проблемы; обдумывать; по всей вероятности; благодаря; лицом к лицу; дальновидная тактика; сталкиваться; думать о разводе как о выходе из положения; попытаться решить проблему; расти; привлекательный; стоит ли он того; списывать убытки со счета. II. Learn these words and word combinations by heart. III. Answer the questions: 1) If a marriage is heading towards divorce, what feelings do spouses experience? 2) What is the best way to rescue a marriage? 3) What influences spouses to get a divorce? 4) What did 80% of couples that decided not to go through with divorce claim five years later? 5) What are the two elements which saved the marriage of the couples that decided not to go through with divorce? 6) What is your point of view on the problem?
III. Make a dialogue between the spouses discussing the rescuing of their marriage.
How the Parents’ Conflict Affects Children Common sense tells you that the parents’ conflict affects children, but it is even worse when the parents feel hatred towards each. The following article discusses a common situation that many people face after a divorce. What’s a kid to do when parents hate each other? Sometimes the animosity between separated parents is so thick, you can cut it with a knife. In such cases both parents deflect blame on the other while denying or minimizing their own contribution to conflict. n some instances the allegations of both parents are unfounded. The parents are like oil and fire and simply do not get along. They both may be hurt for the demise of the relationship. They may feel embarrassed for the breakdown and need to vilify the other. In other instances mutual allegations are founded. Both have in fact acted untoward. Both have acted poorly although not abusively. Yet, neither takes responsibility and both use the transgressions of the other to legitimize their own. I. Find the equivalents in the text: Ненависть; типичная ситуация; враждебность; перекладывать вину на другого; обвинения необоснованные; ладить; конец отношений; чувствовать себя неловко; разрыв; унижать; обоснованный; действовать неправильно; оскорбительно; взять на себя ответственность; прегрешения; оправдать.
Caught In the Middle Pity the children whose parents are so locked in mutual despise. The child becomes the battleground. Each parent begrudges the child’s relationship to the other. Even though a parent may hold their tongue, the attitude still exudes. The child lives with their disdain. The child is between a rock and a hard place. To survive they learn to mask their feelings. To avoid the disapproval of their parents they align with each parent through negative comments about the other. So when with mom the child tells bad stories of dad to gain mother’s approval and minimize tensions with her. Then with dad the child tells bad stories of mom to gain his approval and minimize tensions with him. Sadly though, the strategy only feeds the conflict between the parents as they feel more justified in their position with the new ammunition delivered by the child. Thus the parental conflict escalates and the child is subject to greater hostility. I. Find the equivalents in the text: Между двух огней; завязнуть во взаимной вражде; поле битвы; выражать недовольство по поводу…; придержать язык; проявляться; презрение; между молотом и наковальней; выжить; скрывать чувства; неодобрение; вступать в союз; разжигать конфликт; оправданный в собственных глазах; боезапас; обостряться; подвергаться; враждебность.
How the Parents Conflict Affects Children Eventually the child breaks down under the strain of conflict between despising parents. The child’s distress may take the form of school related problems, anxiety, depression, bullying, victimization and even physical complaints such as headaches and stomachaches. Because of the pre-existing parental animosity and then stories of the child, both parents blame each other for the child’s distress. Both parents present self-righteously in their position and both parents are remarkably defensive towards any insinuation that their behaviour may be contributory to the child’s distress. Discussing their dynamic with one parent can trigger a defensive barrage of the other parent.
I. Find the equivalents in the text: Не выдерживать; напряжение; враждующие родители; страдание; тревога; агрессивность; комплекс жертвы; жалобы на плохое самочувствие; вражда; обвинять; отстаивать правоту своих взглядов; яростно отвергать; намек; способствовать; динамика поведения; запустить механизм защиты;
Resolving Parental Conflict
In situations like these, favourable outcomes for the child are best achieved by working with both parents. The service provider must be well experienced in working with such high conflict situations and the dynamics as described. The approach requires expertise with clinical assessment, mediation, education and reconciliation counseling. Eventually, the parents must understand that their antagonistic tug of war is the toxicity hurting their child. In some situations both parents feel they must let go of the rope at the same time. In other situations some parents take the position that the other parent must go first making amends or changes. The challenge is to achieve a plan for both parents that encourages a relaxation of the animosity and new collaborative behaviour. Finally, the child needs to be brought into a session with both parents where they demonstrate their maturity by cooperating for the child’s sake and grant permission for the child to love both parents equally. **** I. Find the equivalents in the text: Сотрудник социальной службы; специальные знания; клиническая оценка; посредничество; консультирование по вопросам урегулирования разногласий; перетягивание каната; яд; отпустить конец каната; полагать; задача; снятие враждебности; поведение, направленное на взаимодействие; сеанс; зрелость; сотрудничество; ради ребенка.
II. Answer the questions: 1) What is victimization? 2) What do sometimes parents feel and do after the divorce? 3) What does a child do if the parents hate each other after the divorce? 4) How to resolve parental conflict?
Parenting Coordinator An alternative to running back to Court In high-conflict separations or divorces, parenting issues may arise with greater frequencies that continue to bring parents back to Court for resolution. This strategy is both untimely and expensive. An alternate strategy to manage such disputes as they arise is through the use of a Parenting Coordinator. A Parenting Coordinator is a neutral person to whom parents can turn when in dispute on matters relating to the children. Parents may access the service of a Parenting Coordinator in a more timely fashion and costs are almost always less than going to Court. The role of the Parenting Coordinator is to help parents come to a successful resolution between themselves. However, the Parenting Coordinator may also be empowered by the parents or by Court Order, to make recommendations binding on the parents in the event they are unable to agree on solutions. If either parent feels there is sufficient reason to challenge the recommendations of the Parenting Coordinator, they still have to recourse to the Court, but may be subject to costs if the Court supports the recommendations of the Parenting Coordinator. The Parenting Coordinator cannot change the Order of a Court, but may assist the parents in implementing strategies, consistent with Court Orders. Typically to commence service, the Parenting Coordinator must become acquainted with the parents, the children, the history of the parental conflict, and matters of current concern. While the actual process is at the discretion of the Parenting Coordinator or service agency, the process is likely to include a review of prior reports and/or Court documents, individual meetings with parents, meetings with the children and then joint meetings with the parents unless this is contra-indicated as in cases of domestic violence.
I. Find the equivalents in the text: Координатор отношений родителей с детьми; проблемы воспитания; преждевременно; своевременно; быть уполномоченным; обязательный для исполнения; в случае; оспорить; обращаться; быть обязанным выплатить издержки; осуществление; постановления суда; следуя, начинать; знакомиться; текущие проблемы; существующее положение дел; на усмотрение; агентство социальной помощи; противопоказано; бытовое насилие. II. Role Play Actors: Mother; Father, Parenting Coordinator. Situatio:; mother and father hate each other after the divorce. But they started to understand that their conflict influences their child. Parenting Coordinator tries to help them. Use the words and word combinations from the texts 6 and 7. Texts for independent work 1) Read the texts and make a dictionary of the terms. 2) Make a brief summary of the ideas given in the texts. 3) Write a composition expressing your attitude to the ideas given in the texts. Benefits of Arguing Arguments are often necessary for us to really get to know each other. They help us to separate emotionally in a good way from our partners as we are confronted with how different they seem from us at that point. Emotional separateness between partners is important because it allows you to function as separate individuals (also see HYPERLINK " http: //www.relationships-explained.com/pages/anxiety.html" managing anxiety, and HYPERLINK " http: //www.relationships-explained.com/pages/Symbiosis.html" co-dependent relationships). Arguments are also often necessary to set important limits or boundaries in a relationship. It is simply not always possible or desirable to get one's own way in a relationship. An argument puts emotional energy behind your partner's wish for you to behave differently. It will help you take note of what is important to your partner and you can then decide whether you want to comply with his or her wishes or not. On the other hand, if you feel your partner is not taking you seriously, increasing the emotional volume behind your statement may be necessary to get heard. In a relationship both partners need to have their say for it to work long term. Therefore, arguing may help to redress power imbalances in a relationship and set matters straight again. Finally, arguing can clear the air when things have been building up. It is a good way of communicating the intensity of your feelings and letting go of them in the process. It is not good for relationships to keep things in! Ultimately, arguments will help to bring you closer to your partner. You will really get to know the other for the person he or she is, rather then continue to live with your fantasy about who you think he or she is. This may not be an easy process and can involve a lot of disillusionment and emotional turmoil, but you can gain an honest and deep relationship with your beloved. Arguing can also be seen as a stage in the development of a relationship. Everything about the other seems perfect when we fall in love. However, we don't really know the other at that point and we fall in love partly because of our illusion about how we want the other to be. After this honeymoon period at the start of a relationship comes a long and difficult phase in which we really get to know each other. Arguing during this time is common and in my opinion unavoidable. Give it about five years or thereabouts to settle down! Long term relationships don't get built overnight. However, arguing may always be a feature of your relationship. It can be a good tool to keep things honest and open between the two of you.
9 Ground rules for effective arguing
Never, ever physically attack your partner! It doesn't matter what sex you are, or whether you are the physically weaker one in a couple. Getting physically aggressive with your partner is not acceptable under any circumstances. You may feel all sorts of intense feelings, but you are an adult who is fully responsible for managing his or her own emotions. If you feel like you are losing control of yourself walk away from the situation and give yourself some time and space to cool off. And of course people can also behave in a very threatening way physically without ever laying hands on somebody, so be aware of how you're using your body in an argument and don't threaten your partner physically. Don't throw hard objects either. Love does not grow out of fear.
Don't attack your partner verbally People can be very aggressive and personally insulting with words. Personal, verbal insults are neither acceptable nor useful in an argument.Always remember that your partner is (or was) a person you care about. He or she is not your enemy. If you hadn't have loved him or her at some point you wouldn't be having an argument with them now. Although you may be at odds with each other during an argument, you and your partner are still a team. By not saying anything personally insulting you are safeguarding the interests of both of you for the future, rather than trying to win and score points personally. Furthermore, simply consider how much apologising you will have to do later for trading personal insults during your argument! It's immature: do you really need to score points that badly?
Own your own feelings This bit may be quite hard in an argument, but it will minimize defensiveness all round. If you are telling your partner what you are not happy with always say " I feel....", " I want... from you", etc. When you state your case from your perspective you are owning your side of it. This creates a very different process then when you say " You make me feel... by doing....", " You are this, that and the other". The latter often leads to blaming or defensiveness and it is easy to get into entrenched positions.
Be honest An argument is all about stating what's what as you see it. You need to be willing to be open with your partner about how you feel and what you're thinking. One really great benefit of arguing is that in the heat of the moment you may be honest about things which you would normally not be willing to say to your partner. Therefore, arguments can help to bring more closeness and honesty into your relationship. There is no point trying to hide or protect your partner from how you are really feeling. So in some way, " brutal" honesty is what is often needed, but without personal insults, attacks or pushing responsibility for your feelings onto your partner. In short be honest, but don't persecute your partner.
Be direct This follows on from the above point on honesty. If you name things as they are for you without beating round the bush, the whole argument will be over quicker. Stick to what is happening right now between the two of you and state what you are thinking and feeling clearly. This will need some practice as strong feelings often don't help one's articulation. Being direct also means you don't keep on talking and talking, but each of you gets a chance to talk and state your case.
Give yourself " time out" Arguments can involve very intense feelings and use up a lot of energy. Give yourself time to cool off, or to step away and calm down for a bit.It's OK to have breaks from the process and to come back to it once you are feeling a bit calmer again. Some things can't get sorted straight away and need more time. For some people it is really hard to manage interruptions in the continuity of the relationship. If you are getting really stressed when your partner wants to have some time out, it may help to learn to HYPERLINK " http: //www.relationships-explained.com/pages/anxiety.html" manage your own anxietybetter in the moment. Arguments still progress in these breaks as each partner has time to reflect and process what has happened. Even though you may feel no connection at all to your partner during this break they are still there. It's OK to be with yourself for a while: the other person is still around and hasn't packed his or her bags yet!
Be willing to forgive At some point an argument needs to stop again. Normally, this happens when an issue has been resolved, or there has been some change in one or both partners. Whenever it is OK for you, try and let things go again. Maybe what has been said is enough for now. At that point, check with yourself whether you are willing to forgive your partner, or accept him or her for who he or she is even if that's not how you ideally would like them to be. If you find this difficult maybe there is still something you need to say? On the other hand, be aware of your own tendency to try and win arguments or to try and have the last word. You can't both have the last word each and every time; however, by forgiving each other and letting things go you can both win as a team.
How do you know your arguments are positive rather than destructive? I believe that during a constructive argument something new happens. You or your partner may express yourselves differently, or you may try to react differently. You may show yourself more, or find out some new information about your partner. Useful arguments mean you learn something new about yourself or your partner - even if issues haven't been resolved. Keep in mind that some issues cannot be resolved, and that there may always be tensions about differences between the two of you. I is really useful to think and reflect on arguments once they are finished. You could use the HYPERLINK " http: //www.relationships-explained.com/pages/The-ego-state-model.html" ego state model, HYPERLINK " http: //www.relationships-explained.com/pages/Strokes.html" strokes or the concept of HYPERLINK " http: //www.relationships-explained.com/pages/Symbiosis.html" symbiosis to reflect more on what has happened between the two of you. Consider what you've learned about yourself through this process. Additionally, what have you learned about your partner and your relationship with him or her through this argument?
What if you are always repeating the same argument over and over? This is when things can get really stuck. Quite often couples will then escalate the intensity of emotion to try and move the process forward. Intense arguments have a lot to do with our past relationships - at least as much as they have to do with our present relationships. It may help you to read up on HYPERLINK " http: //www.relationships-explained.com/pages/The-ego-state-model.html" ego states and HYPERLINK " http: //www.relationships-explained.com/pages/Life-script.html" script to understand what is happening. You may both be replaying unresolved issues that you bring from past relationships or childhood. The more you learn about yourself and your own reactions the better. Try and reflect on yourself as much as you can before you allocate responsibility or agency to your partner. For example: " 'I am feeling scared, maybe because of my past experiences, therefore, I get very nervous when she wants to go out with her friends, which I hate to admit to her, so I just get angry instead and protest about her going." This is much more useful then thinking " She makes me angry because she likes to go out with her friends." If you find this type of self reflection difficult please consider consulting a couples therapist or individual therapy. Learning about yourself is an important part of being a good partner and lover
WORK Resolving Conflicts in Work Teams I A major advantage a team has over an individual is its diversity of resources, knowledge, and ideas. However, diversity also produces conflict. As more and more organizations restructure to work teams the need for training in conflict resolution will continue to grow. Conflict remainsthe number-one problem for most of the teams operating within a large company, even after repeated training sessions on how to resolve conflict and how to minimize the negative impact on team members. One reason for this may be that mangers and other leaders within organizations are not giving the issue of resolving conflict enough attention. Although most managers are aware of disagreements and have received training in conflict resolution, they seldom assign a high priority to solving conflict problems. With this in mind, it is critical that team members possess skills to resolve conflict among themselves. Conflict arises from differences. When individuals come together in work teams their differences in terms of power, values and attitudes, and social factors all contribute to the creation of conflict. It is often difficult to expose the sources of conflict. Conflict can arise from numerous sources within a team setting and generally falls into three categories: communication factors, structural factors and personal factors. Barriers to communication are among the most important factors and can be a major source of misunderstanding. Communication barriers include poor listening skills; insufficient sharing of information; differences in interpretation and perception; and nonverbal cues being ignored or missed. Structural disagreements include the size of the organization, turnover rate, levels of participation, reward systems, and levels of interdependence among employees. Personal factors include things such as an individual's self-esteem, their personal goals, values and needs. In order for conflict to be dealt with successfully, managers and team members must understand its unpredictability and its impact on individuals and the team as a whole. I. Find the equivalents in the text: Разнообразие ресурсов; решение конфликтов; негативное воздействие; придавать большое значение; учитывая это, важно…; по отношению к власти, ценностям и установкам; выявить источники; атмосфера в команде; непонимание; коммуникационный барьер; недостаточный обмен информацией; восприятие; невербальные сигналы; структурные разногласия; текучесть кадров; процент участия; взаимозависимость; самооценка; непредсказуемость. II. Answer the questions: 1) Why does conflict remain the number-one problem for most of the teams? 2) What are the sources of conflict? 3) What are communication barriers? 4) What do structural disagreements include? 5) What do personal factors include?
II Conflict in work teams is not necessarily destructive, however. Conflict can lead to new ideas and approaches to organizational processes, and increased interest in dealing with problems. Conflict, in this sense, can be considered positive, as it facilitates the surfacing of important issues and provides opportunities for people to develop their communication and interpersonal skills. Conflict becomes negative when it is left to escalate to the point where people begin to feel defeated, and a combative climate of distrust and suspicion develops. Negative conflict can destroy a team quickly, and often arises from poor planning. There is the list of high potential areas from which negative conflict issues commonly arise: Administrative Procedures: If the team lacks good groundwork for what it's doing, its members will not be able to coordinate their work. People Resources: If the team does not have enough resources to do the job, it is inevitable that some will carry too heavy a load. Resentment, often unexpressed, may build, so it is crucial that team leaders ensure adequate resources. Cost overruns: Often inevitable, cost overruns become a problem when proper measures are not taken. The whole team should know early on when cost becomes a problem so additional funding can be sought by the team. This way the problem can be resolved before it grows into a problem for management. Schedules: The schedule is highly consequential to the team's project and should be highly visible. All members should be willing to work together to help each other meet their deadlines. Responsibilities: Each team member must know what areas are assigned and who is accountable for them. Wish Lists: Stick to the project at hand and avoid being sidetracked into trying to fit other things into it. Wait and do the other things you would like to do after successful completion of the original project. I. Find the equivalents in the text: способствовать выявлению насущных проблем; межличностное общение; чувствовать себя побежденным; агрессивная обстановка; недоверие; подозрительность; не хватает внятного обоснования; человеческие ресурсы; неизбежно; невысказанное недовольство, крайне важно; обеспечить адекватные ресурсы; превышение затрат; добавочное финансирование; график; иметь большое значение; быть на виду; укладываться в сроки; ответственный; придерживаться; проект, находящийся в разработке; отвлекаться; включить. II. Answer the questions: 1) What is positive in conflict? 2) When does conflict become negative? 3) Enumerate 6 potential areas from which negative conflict commonly arise. 4) Why are team members not able to coordinate their work? 5) What happens if the team does not have enough people resources? 6) Who resolves the problem of cost overruns? 7) Why is it important – to meet the deadlines? 8) Why shouldn’t team members sidetrack into trying to fit other things into the project? Handling Negative conflict When negative conflict does occur there are five accepted methods for handling it: Direct Approach, Bargaining, Enforcement, Retreat, and De-emphasis. Each can be used effectively in different circumstances. 1. Direct Approach: This may be the best approach of all. It concentrates on the leader confronting the issue head-on. Though conflict is uncomfortable to deal with, it is best to look at issues objectively and to face them as they are. If criticism is used, it must be constructive to the recipients. This approach counts on the techniques of problem-solving and normally leaves everyone with a sense of resolution, because issues are brought to the surface and dealt with. 2. Bargaining: This is an excellent technique when both parties have ideas on a solution yet cannot find common ground. Often a third party, such as a team leader, is needed to help find the compromise. Compromise involves give and take on both sides, however, and usually ends up with both walking away equally dissatisfied. 3. Enforcement of Team Rules: Avoid using this method if possible, it can bring about hard feelings toward the leader and the team. This technique is only used when it is obvious that a member does not want to be a team player and refuses to work with the rest. If enforcement has to be used on an individual, it may be best for that person to find another team. 4. Retreat: Only use this method when the problem isn't real to begin with. By simply avoiding it or working around it, a leader can often delay long enough for the individual to cool off. When used in the right environment by an experienced leader this technique can help to prevent minor incidents that are the result of someone having a bad day from becoming real problems that should never have occurred. 5. De-emphasis: This is a form of bargaining where the emphasis is on the areas of agreement. When parties realize that there are areas where they are in agreement, they can often begin to move in a new direction. I. Find the equivalents in the text: Прямой подход; переговоры; принуждение; отступление; смещение акцента; атаковать проблему в лоб; адресат; основываться на; ощущение снятия конфликта; проблемы выявлены; найти общий язык; третья сторона; прийти к компромиссу; двухсторонний обмен мнениями; остальные; обходить; сделать длительную отсрочку; успокоиться. II. Make a plan of the Text. III. Retell the Text using your plan.
Managing Cooperative conflict Though we often view conflict through a negative lens, teams require some conflict to operate effectively. Cooperative conflict can contribute to effective problem solving and decision making by motivating people to examine a problem. Encouraging the expression of many ideas; energizing people to seek a superior solution; and fostering integration of several ideas to create high-quality solutions. The key is to understand how to handle it constructively. If members understand how to do it, differences that arise can result in benefits for a team. While it is true that suppressed differences can reduce the effectiveness of a team, when they are brought to the surface, disagreements can be dealt with and problems can be resolved. The actual process of airing differences can help to increase the cohesiveness and effectiveness of the team through the increased interest and energy that often accompanies it. This in turn fosters creativity and intensity among team members. In addition, bringing differences to the surface can result in better ideas and more innovative solutions. When people share their views and strive toward reaching a consensus, better decisions are reached. Team members also improve their communication skills and become better at understanding and listening to the information they receive when differences are freely aired.
I. Find the equivalents in the text: Видеть конфликт в черном цвете; конфликт в трудовом коллективе; внести вклад; поощрение; инновационное решение; стимулирование интеграции; решать; принести пользу; скрытые разногласия; сотрудничество; в свою очередь; активность; разделять взгляды.
Listening for Meaning Understanding is not agreeing. Seek clarification before responding, if needed. As teams become more responsible for managing themselves, it is important for organizations to help them by identifying the knowledge, skills, and abilities (KSAs) required to handle conflict. Then developing plans to transfer these skills and capabilities over to their teams. Because conflict is inevitable in teams, the focus needs to be on how it is managed. Conflict that is poorly handled creates an environment of fear and avoidance of the subject. On the other hand, if properly managed, it can lead to learning, creativity, and growth.
I. Find the equivalents in the text: Добивайтесь ясности; противостоять разногласиям; дееспособность и эффективность; урегулирование конфликтов; реальное взаимодействие; заинтересованность; переходный период; качество работы; атмосфера страха и ухода от проблемы. II. Answer the questions: 1) Have you ever worked in a team? 2) Have you ever been involved in some job conflict? What about your friends and parents? 3) Do you agree with the ideas of the texts 1, 2, 3 and 4? Why?
Texts for Independent Work 1) Read the texts and make a dictionary of the terms. 2) Make a brief summary of the ideas given in the texts. 3) Write a composition expressing your attitude to the ideas given in the texts. Team Resolution Process Conflict should first be handled on an informal basis between the individuals involved. This, they say, will allow time for resolution or self-correction by the individuals. If the conflict remains unsettled, a mediator can be brought in to help resolve the situation. If resolution is still not achieved the dispute should be openly discussed in a team meeting. A formal discipline process needs to occur, if resolution is not achieved after being addressed at the team level. The escalating process of Team Resolution is as follows: 1. Collaboration (One-on-one): Handle the new problem person-to-person. Use as many facts as possible and relate the issue to customer, team, or organizational needs. Be open and honest and conduct the session in a private setting. Document the concerns or issues, the dates, and the resolution, if any, and have both parties sign it. 2. Mediation (One-on-one with Mediator): If collaboration did not work or was inappropriate, handle the problem with a mediator. The mediator must be trained in conflict resolution, understand policy and ethics, be trusted by the team, and have the ability to remain neutral. Gather facts and talk over the issue with the people involved. Bring up as many facts as possible and relate the issue to customer, team, or organizational needs. Be open and honest and conduct the mediation session in private. Document it and have all parties sign. 3. Team Counseling: The conflict is now a definite issue to the team. Collaboration and/or Mediation could not be done, were not appropriate, or did not work. Handle the conflict at a team meeting; put the problem on the next agenda and invite the necessary individuals. Again, bring up the facts, relate the issue to customer, team, or organizational needs. Be open and honest, discuss it in a private setting, document it, and have all parties sign it. Anyone on the team can put an issue or problem on the team agenda, however, this step should be used only after Collaboration, and Mediation has been ruled out. There are Five-P's of Conflict Management: 1. Perceptions: People associate conflict with negative responses such as anger, fear, tension, and anxiety. Rarely do we perceive any benefits from being involved in a dispute. Our negative perceptions impact our approach in resolving conflict as we strive to eliminate the source of these negative feelings. 2. Problems: Anyone can be involved in a conflict, and the amount of time, money, and equipment needed for resolution will vary according to its complexity. 3. Processes: There are different ways to go about resolving disputes: Suppress the conflict, give in, fight, litigate, mediate, etc. 4. Principles: We determine the priorities of all resolution processes on the basis of an analysis of our fundamental values regarding efficiency, participation, fairness, compliance, etc. 5. Practices: Power, self-interest, and unique situations are all factors relating to why people resolve disputes the way they do. 6 Negotiation Negotiation is the most effective response to conflict when both parties stand to gain something, each has some power, and there is interdependency. Negotiation offers flexibility and viability other responses, such as Avoidance, Confrontation, and Diffusion lack. The process of negotiation involves listening to both sides and seeking out common areas of interest and agreement. There are four essential skills team leaders need to learn and apply to effectively resolve disagreements using the negotiation process: Diagnosis: Recognizing areas of understanding and areas of differences. Problem Solving: A process with numerous steps including data gathering, Considering its impact, examining alternatives, identifying solutions, and developing a plan of action. In order to resolve their differences, you should bring the parties together and, with the assistance of a third party, ask the following questions: What is the problem, as you perceive it? What do you want or need from the other person? What first step can you take to resolve the problem? Each party should be questioned while the other listens, asking questions only for clarification. Then the parties discuss a mutual definition and understanding of the problem. They should be allowed to express their feelings and get hostility out at this stage, but both parties must be willing to admit partial responsibility for the problem. This requires good listening, low defensiveness, and an ability to stay in a problem-solving mode. Agreement should be reached on what steps will be taken to resolve the problem, and should be put in writing in order to prevent later misunderstandings. The key to the negotiation process is exposing the different positions as early as possible. If conflict is left to simmer and then erupt into open warfare, it becomes much more difficult to resolve.
Sources of Conflict among Project Teams
The number one conflict developed from goals and priority issues. Previous literature presented the number one source of conflict as being disagreements over schedules, which ranked at number seven in Kezsbom's study. It makes sense that goals and priority issues have risen on the list as organizations have evolved into multi-project, streamlined environments. In these new complex, hybrid organizations, employees often find themselves serving on a variety of project teams, being led by a variety of project mangers while reporting directly to functional managers. This sets the stage for Kezsbom's third conflict category: communication and information flow. When reporting relationships are complex it becomes more difficult to share information. Personality and interpersonal issues, ranked in the number two category by those in high technology environments, presented another dramatic change from previous studies. This change may be related to the increased use of cross-functional, self-directed teams in which individuals with technical backgrounds must rely on the work of others to get their own work done. This specifically illustrates how important it is to provide training in communication and interpersonal skills to cross-functional team members, while emphasizing an appreciation of the value of differences. Overall, this study provides valuable insights for organizations, project leaders, and project team members. Because goal and priority issues frequently change, communication must be improved. Kezsbom (1992) makes these recommendations: More frequent and effective upward, downward, and team communications. No matter what kind of team it is, no method of managing conflict will work without mutual respect and a willingness to disagree and resolve disagreements. Donald Weiss, president of Self-Management Communication, Inc., believes each person on the team must be willing to take the following four steps when a team meeting erupts into a storm (Weiss, 1997): listen, acknowledge, respond, and resolve remaining differences. Listen: To hear what someone else is saying is not the same as listening. To listen effectively means clearing your mind of distractions and concentrating not only on the words but also on nonverbal gestures, which often convey ninety percent of what the person is trying to say. When resolving disagreements, you often have to deal with feelings first.
Respond: You've listened and acknowledged what the other person is saying. Now it is your turn to be heard. If you're offering criticism of your teammate's ideas, make sure it's constructive, and if you're disagreeing with them, be ready to offer an alternative. Be willing, also, to be questioned or challenged, while avoiding defensiveness when you answer. Resolve remaining differences: Define the real problem by looking for what's causing the disagreement. Then analyze it into its manageable parts. Now you can generate alternative solutions to the problem and select the alternative on which everyone can agree. For individuals to work effectively in teams they must be able to clearly communicate their ideas, to listen, and be willing to disagree. Although it is difficult, learning to appreciate each other's differences reflects a team's ability to manage conflict. When conflict occurs we must not turn our backs and hope it will go away. Instead, we must learn to tolerate it, even welcome it, for well-managed conflict can be the source of change and innovation. As more and more organizations attempt to make the difficult transition to teams, they must develop and provide programs for their employees which offer training in conflict management skills and techniques. I hope the ideas in this paper can help organizations and their teams begin, or continue, this challenging task.
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