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CHAPTER X. Hitherto I have recorded in detail the events of my insignificant existence to the first ten years of my life I have given almost as many chapters




 

Hitherto I have recorded in detail the events of my insignificant existence to the first ten years of my life I have given almost as many chapters. But this is not to be a regular autobiography. I am only bound to invoke Memory where I know her responses will possess some degree of interest; therefore I now pass a space of eight years almost in silence a few lines only are necessary to keep up the links of connection.

 

When the typhus fever had fulfilled its mission of devastation at Lowood, it gradually disappeared from thence; but not till its virulence and the number of its victims had drawn public attention on the school. Inquiry was made into the origin of the scourge, and by degrees various facts came out which excited public indignation in a high degree. The unhealthy nature of the site; the quantity and quality of the childrens food; the brackish, fetid water used in its preparation; the pupils wretched clothing and accommodationsall these things were discovered, and the discovery produced a result mortifying to Mr. Brocklehurst, but beneficial to the institution.

 

Several wealthy and benevolent individuals in the county subscribed largely for the erection of a more convenient building in a better situation; new regulations were made; improvements in diet and clothing introduced; the funds of the school were intrusted to the management of a committee. Mr. Brocklehurst, who, from his wealth and family connections, could not be overlooked, still retained the post of treasurer; but he was aided in the discharge of his duties by gentlemen of rather more enlarged and sympathising minds his office of inspector, too, was shared by those who knew how to combine reason with strictness, comfort with economy, compassion with uprightness. The school, thus improved, became in time a truly useful and noble institution. I remained an inmate of its walls, after its regeneration, for eight years six as pupil, and two as teacher; and in both capacities I bear my testimony to its value and importance.

 

During these eight years my life was uniform but not unhappy, because it was not inactive. I had the means of an excellent education placed within my reach; a fondness for some of my studies, and a desire to excel in all, together with a great delight in pleasing my teachers, especially such as I loved, urged me on I availed myself fully of the advantages offered me. In time I rose to be the first girl of the first class; then I was invested with the office of teacher; which I discharged with zeal for two years but at the end of that time I altered.

 

Miss Temple, through all changes, had thus far continued superintendent of the seminary to her instruction I owed the best part of my acquirements; her friendship and society had been my continual solace; she had stood me in the stead of mother, governess, and, latterly, companion. At this period she married, removed with her husband (a clergyman, an excellent man, almost worthy of such a wife) to a distant county, and consequently was lost to me.

 

From the day she left I was no longer the same with her was gone every settled feeling, every association that had made Lowood in some degree a home to me. I had imbibed from her something of her nature and much of her habits more harmonious thoughts what seemed better regulated feelings had become the inmates of my mind. I had given in allegiance to duty and order; I was quiet; I believed I was content to the eyes of others, usually even to my own, I appeared a disciplined and subdued character.

 

But destiny, in the shape of the Rev. Mr. Nasmyth, came between me and Miss Temple I saw her in her travelling dress step into a post-chaise, shortly after the marriage ceremony; I watched the chaise mount the hill and disappear beyond its brow; and then retired to my own room, and there spent in solitude the greatest part of the half-holiday granted in honour of the occasion.

 

I walked about the chamber most of the time. I imagined myself only to be regretting my loss, and thinking how to repair it; but when my reflections were concluded, and I looked up and found that the afternoon was gone, and evening far advanced, another discovery dawned on me, namely, that in the interval I had undergone a transforming process; that my mind had put off all it had borrowed of Miss Templeor rather that she had taken with her the serene atmosphere I had been breathing in her vicinityand that now I was left in my natural element, and beginning to feel the stirring of old emotions. It did not seem as if a prop were withdrawn, but rather as if a motive were gone it was not the power to be tranquil which had failed me, but the reason for tranquillity was no more. My world had for some years been in Lowood my experience had been of its rules and systems; now I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had courage to go forth into its expanse, to seek real knowledge of life amidst its perils.

 

I went to my window, opened it, and looked out. There were the two wings of the building; there was the garden; there were the skirts of Lowood; there was the hilly horizon. My eye passed all other objects to rest on those most remote, the blue peaks; it was those I longed to surmount; all within their boundary of rock and heath seemed prison-ground, exile limits. I traced the white road winding round the base of one mountain, and vanishing in a gorge between two; how I longed to follow it farther! I recalled the time when I had travelled that very road in a coach; I remembered descending that hill at twilight; an age seemed to have elapsed since the day which brought me first to Lowood, and I had never quitted it since. My vacations had all been spent at school Mrs. Reed had never sent for me to Gateshead; neither she nor any of her family had ever been to visit me. I had had no communication by letter or message with the outer world school-rules, school-duties, school-habits and notions, and voices, and faces, and phrases, and costumes, and preferences, and antipathiessuch was what I knew of existence. And now I felt that it was not enough; I tired of the routine of eight years in one afternoon. I desired liberty; for liberty I gasped; for liberty I uttered a prayer; it seemed scattered on the wind then faintly blowing. I abandoned it and framed a humbler supplication; for change, stimulus that petition, too, seemed swept off into vague space Then, I cried, half desperate, grant me at least a new servitude!

 

Here a bell, ringing the hour of supper, called me downstairs.

 

I was not free to resume the interrupted chain of my reflections till bedtime even then a teacher who occupied the same room with me kept me from the subject to which I longed to recur, by a prolonged effusion of small talk. How I wished sleep would silence her. It seemed as if, could I but go back to the idea which had last entered my mind as I stood at the window, some inventive suggestion would rise for my relief.

 

Miss Gryce snored at last; she was a heavy Welshwoman, and till now her habitual nasal strains had never been regarded by me in any other light than as a nuisance; to-night I hailed the first deep notes with satisfaction; I was debarrassed of interruption; my half-effaced thought instantly revived.

 

A new servitude! There is something in that, I soliloquised (mentally, be it understood; I did not talk aloud), I know there is, because it does not sound too sweet; it is not like such words as Liberty, Excitement, Enjoyment delightful sounds truly; but no more than sounds for me; and so hollow and fleeting that it is mere waste of time to listen to them. But Servitude! That must be matter of fact. Any one may serve I have served here eight years; now all I want is to serve elsewhere. Can I not get so much of my own will Is not the thing feasible Yesyesthe end is not so difficult; if I had only a brain active enough to ferret out the means of attaining it.

 

I sat up in bed by way of arousing this said brain it was a chilly night; I covered my shoulders with a shawl, and then I proceeded to think again with all my might.

 

What do I want A new place, in a new house, amongst new faces, under new circumstances I want this because it is of no use wanting anything better. How do people do to get a new place They apply to friends, I suppose I have no friends. There are many others who have no friends, who must look about for themselves and be their own helpers; and what is their resource

 

I could not tell nothing answered me; I then ordered my brain to find a response, and quickly. It worked and worked faster I felt the pulses throb in my head and temples; but for nearly an hour it worked in chaos; and no result came of its efforts. Feverish with vain labour, I got up and took a turn in the room; undrew the curtain, noted a star or two, shivered with cold, and again crept to bed.

 

A kind fairy, in my absence, had surely dropped the required suggestion on my pillow; for as I lay down, it came quietly and naturally to my mind.Those who want situations advertise; you must advertise in the ---shire Herald.

 

How I know nothing about advertising.

 

Replies rose smooth and prompt now

 

You must enclose the advertisement and the money to pay for it under a cover directed to the editor of the Herald; you must put it, the first opportunity you have, into the post at Lowton; answers must be addressed to J.E., at the post-office there; you can go and inquire in about a week after you send your letter, if any are come, and act accordingly.

 

This scheme I went over twice, thrice; it was then digested in my mind; I had it in a clear practical form I felt satisfied, and fell asleep.

 

With earliest day, I was up I had my advertisement written, enclosed, and directed before the bell rang to rouse the school; it ran thus

 

A young lady accustomed to tuition (had I not been a teacher two years) is desirous of meeting with a situation in a private family where the children are under fourteen (I thought that as I was barely eighteen, it would not do to undertake the guidance of pupils nearer my own age). She is qualified to teach the usual branches of a good English education, together with French, Drawing, and Music (in those days, reader, this now narrow catalogue of accomplishments, would have been held tolerably comprehensive). Address, J.E., Post-office, Lowton, ---shire.

 

This document remained locked in my drawer all day after tea, I asked leave of the new superintendent to go to Lowton, in order to perform some small commissions for myself and one or two of my fellow-teachers; permission was readily granted; I went. It was a walk of two miles, and the evening was wet, but the days were still long; I visited a shop or two, slipped the letter into the post-office, and came back through heavy rain, with streaming garments, but with a relieved heart.

 

The succeeding week seemed long it came to an end at last, however, like all sublunary things, and once more, towards the close of a pleasant autumn day, I found myself afoot on the road to Lowton. A picturesque track it was, by the way; lying along the side of the beck and through the sweetest curves of the dale but that day I thought more of the letters, that might or might not be awaiting me at the little burgh whither I was bound, than of the charms of lea and water.

 

My ostensible errand on this occasion was to get measured for a pair of shoes; so I discharged that business first, and when it was done, I stepped across the clean and quiet little street from the shoemakers to the post-office it was kept by an old dame, who wore horn spectacles on her nose, and black mittens on her hands.

 

Are there any letters for J.E. I asked.

 

She peered at me over her spectacles, and then she opened a drawer and fumbled among its contents for a long time, so long that my hopes began to falter. At last, having held a document before her glasses for nearly five minutes, she presented it across the counter, accompanying the act by another inquisitive and mistrustful glanceit was for J.E.

 

Is there only one I demanded.

 

There are no more, said she; and I put it in my pocket and turned my face homeward I could not open it then; rules obliged me to be back by eight, and it was already half-past seven.

 

Various duties awaited me on my arrival. I had to sit with the girls during their hour of study; then it was my turn to read prayers; to see them to bed afterwards I supped with the other teachers. Even when we finally retired for the night, the inevitable Miss Gryce was still my companion we had only a short end of candle in our candlestick, and I dreaded lest she should talk till it was all burnt out; fortunately, however, the heavy supper she had eaten produced a soporific effect she was already snoring before I had finished undressing. There still remained an inch of candle I now took out my letter; the seal was an initial F.; I broke it; the contents were brief.

 

If J.E., who advertised in the ---shire Herald of last Thursday, possesses the acquirements mentioned, and if she is in a position to give satisfactory references as to character and competency, a situation can be offered her where there is but one pupil, a little girl, under ten years of age; and where the salary is thirty pounds per annum. J.E. is requested to send references, name, address, and all particulars to the direction

 

Mrs. Fairfax, Thornfield, near Millcote, ---shire.

 

I examined the document long the writing was old-fashioned and rather uncertain, like that of an elderly lady. This circumstance was satisfactory a private fear had haunted me, that in thus acting for myself, and by my own guidance, I ran the risk of getting into some scrape; and, above all things, I wished the result of my endeavours to be respectable, proper, en règle. I now felt that an elderly lady was no bad ingredient in the business I had on hand. Mrs. Fairfax! I saw her in a black gown and widows cap; frigid, perhaps, but not uncivil a model of elderly English respectability. Thornfield! that, doubtless, was the name of her house a neat orderly spot, I was sure; though I failed in my efforts to conceive a correct plan of the premises. Millcote, ---shire; I brushed up my recollections of the map of England, yes, I saw it; both the shire and the town. ---shire was seventy miles nearer London than the remote county where I now resided that was a recommendation to me. I longed to go where there was life and movement Millcote was a large manufacturing town on the banks of the A-; a busy place enough, doubtless so much the better; it would be a complete change at least. Not that my fancy was much captivated by the idea of long chimneys and clouds of smokebut, I argued, Thornfield will, probably, be a good way from the town.

 

Here the socket of the candle dropped, and the wick went out.

 

Next day new steps were to be taken; my plans could no longer be confined to my own breast; I must impart them in order to achieve their success. Having sought and obtained an audience of the superintendent during the noontide recreation, I told her I had a prospect of getting a new situation where the salary would be double what I now received (for at Lowood I only got £15 per annum); and requested she would break the matter for me to Mr. Brocklehurst, or some of the committee, and ascertain whether they would permit me to mention them as references. She obligingly consented to act as mediatrix in the matter. The next day she laid the affair before Mr. Brocklehurst, who said that Mrs. Reed must be written to, as she was my natural guardian. A note was accordingly addressed to that lady, who returned for answer, that I might do as I pleased she had long relinquished all interference in my affairs. This note went the round of the committee, and at last, after what appeared to me most tedious delay, formal leave was given me to better my condition if I could; and an assurance added, that as I had always conducted myself well, both as teacher and pupil, at Lowood, a testimonial of character and capacity, signed by the inspectors of that institution, should forthwith be furnished me.

 

This testimonial I accordingly received in about a month, forwarded a copy of it to Mrs. Fairfax, and got that ladys reply, stating that she was satisfied, and fixing that day fortnight as the period for my assuming the post of governess in her house.

 

I now busied myself in preparations the fortnight passed rapidly. I had not a very large wardrobe, though it was adequate to my wants; and the last day sufficed to pack my trunk,the same I had brought with me eight years ago from Gateshead.

 

The box was corded, the card nailed on. In half-an-hour the carrier was to call for it to take it to Lowton, whither I myself was to repair at an early hour the next morning to meet the coach. I had brushed my black stuff travelling-dress, prepared my bonnet, gloves, and muff; sought in all my drawers to see that no article was left behind; and now having nothing more to do, I sat down and tried to rest. I could not; though I had been on foot all day, I could not now repose an instant; I was too much excited. A phase of my life was closing to-night, a new one opening to-morrow impossible to slumber in the interval; I must watch feverishly while the change was being accomplished.

 

Miss, said a servant who met me in the lobby, where I was wandering like a troubled spirit, a person below wishes to see you.

 

The carrier, no doubt, I thought, and ran downstairs without inquiry. I was passing the back-parlour or teachers sitting-room, the door of which was half open, to go to the kitchen, when some one ran out

 

Its her, I am sure!I could have told her anywhere! cried the individual who stopped my progress and took my hand.

 

I looked I saw a woman attired like a well-dressed servant, matronly, yet still young; very good-looking, with black hair and eyes, and lively complexion.

 

Well, who is it she asked, in a voice and with a smile I half recognised; youve not quite forgotten me, I think, Miss Jane

 

In another second I was embracing and kissing her rapturously Bessie! Bessie! Bessie! that was all I said; whereat she half laughed, half cried, and we both went into the parlour. By the fire stood a little fellow of three years old, in plaid frock and trousers.

 

That is my little boy, said Bessie directly.

 

Then you are married, Bessie

 

Yes; nearly five years since to Robert Leaven, the coachman; and Ive a little girl besides Bobby there, that Ive christened Jane.

 

And you dont live at Gateshead

 

I live at the lodge the old porter has left.

 

Well, and how do they all get on Tell me everything about them, Bessie but sit down first; and, Bobby, come and sit on my knee, will you but Bobby preferred sidling over to his mother.

 

Youre not grown so very tall, Miss Jane, nor so very stout, continued Mrs. Leaven. I dare say theyve not kept you too well at school Miss Reed is the head and shoulders taller than you are; and Miss Georgiana would make two of you in breadth.

 

Georgiana is handsome, I suppose, Bessie

 

Very. She went up to London last winter with her mama, and there everybody admired her, and a young lord fell in love with her but his relations were against the match; andwhat do you thinkhe and Miss Georgiana made it up to run away; but they were found out and stopped. It was Miss Reed that found them out I believe she was envious; and now she and her sister lead a cat and dog life together; they are always quarrelling

 

Well, and what of John Reed

 

Oh, he is not doing so well as his mama could wish. He went to college, and he gotplucked, I think they call it and then his uncles wanted him to be a barrister, and study the law but he is such a dissipated young man, they will never make much of him, I think.

 

What does he look like

 

He is very tall some people call him a fine-looking young man; but he has such thick lips.

 

And Mrs. Reed

 

Missis looks stout and well enough in the face, but I think shes not quite easy in her mind Mr. Johns conduct does not please herhe spends a deal of money.

 

Did she send you here, Bessie

 

No, indeed but I have long wanted to see you, and when I heard that there had been a letter from you, and that you were going to another part of the country, I thought Id just set off, and get a look at you before you were quite out of my reach.

 

I am afraid you are disappointed in me, Bessie. I said this laughing I perceived that Bessies glance, though it expressed regard, did in no shape denote admiration.

 

No, Miss Jane, not exactly you are genteel enough; you look like a lady, and it is as much as ever I expected of you you were no beauty as a child.

 

I smiled at Bessies frank answer I felt that it was correct, but I confess I was not quite indifferent to its import at eighteen most people wish to please, and the conviction that they have not an exterior likely to second that desire brings anything but gratification.

 

I dare say you are clever, though, continued Bessie, by way of solace. What can you do Can you play on the piano

 

A little.

 

There was one in the room; Bessie went and opened it, and then asked me to sit down and give her a tune I played a waltz or two, and she was charmed.

 

The Miss Reeds could not play as well! said she exultingly. I always said you would surpass them in learning and can you draw

 

That is one of my paintings over the chimney-piece. It was a landscape in water colours, of which I had made a present to the superintendent, in acknowledgment of her obliging mediation with the committee on my behalf, and which she had framed and glazed.

 

Well, that is beautiful, Miss Jane! It is as fine a picture as any Miss Reeds drawing-master could paint, let alone the young ladies themselves, who could not come near it and have you learnt French

 

Yes, Bessie, I can both read it and speak it.

 

And you can work on muslin and canvas

 

I can.

 

Oh, you are quite a lady, Miss Jane! I knew you would be you will get on whether your relations notice you or not. There was something I wanted to ask you. Have you ever heard anything from your fathers kinsfolk, the Eyres

 

Never in my life.

 

Well, you know Missis always said they were poor and quite despicable and they may be poor; but I believe they are as much gentry as the Reeds are; for one day, nearly seven years ago, a Mr. Eyre came to Gateshead and wanted to see you; Missis said you were at school fifty miles off; he seemed so much disappointed, for he could not stay he was going on a voyage to a foreign country, and the ship was to sail from London in a day or two. He looked quite a gentleman, and I believe he was your fathers brother.

 

What foreign country was he going to, Bessie

 

An island thousands of miles off, where they make winethe butler did tell me

 

Madeira I suggested.

 

Yes, that is itthat is the very word.

 

So he went

 

Yes; he did not stay many minutes in the house Missis was very high with him; she called him afterwards a sneaking tradesman. My Robert believes he was a wine-merchant.

 

Very likely, I returned; or perhaps clerk or agent to a wine-merchant.

 

Bessie and I conversed about old times an hour longer, and then she was obliged to leave me I saw her again for a few minutes the next morning at Lowton, while I was waiting for the coach. We parted finally at the door of the Brocklehurst Arms there each went her separate way; she set off for the brow of Lowood Fell to meet the conveyance which was to take her back to Gateshead, I mounted the vehicle which was to bear me to new duties and a new life in the unknown environs of Millcote.

CHAPTER XI

 

A new chapter in a novel is something like a new scene in a play; and when I draw up the curtain this time, reader, you must fancy you see a room in the George Inn at Millcote, with such large figured papering on the walls as inn rooms have; such a carpet, such furniture, such ornaments on the mantelpiece, such prints, including a portrait of George the Third, and another of the Prince of Wales, and a representation of the death of Wolfe. All this is visible to you by the light of an oil lamp hanging from the ceiling, and by that of an excellent fire, near which I sit in my cloak and bonnet; my muff and umbrella lie on the table, and I am warming away the numbness and chill contracted by sixteen hours exposure to the rawness of an October day I left Lowton at four oclock a.m., and the Millcote town clock is now just striking eight.

 

Reader, though I look comfortably accommodated, I am not very tranquil in my mind. I thought when the coach stopped here there would be some one to meet me; I looked anxiously round as I descended the wooden steps the boots placed for my convenience, expecting to hear my name pronounced, and to see some description of carriage waiting to convey me to Thornfield. Nothing of the sort was visible; and when I asked a waiter if any one had been to inquire after a Miss Eyre, I was answered in the negative so I had no resource but to request to be shown into a private room and here I am waiting, while all sorts of doubts and fears are troubling my thoughts.

 

It is a very strange sensation to inexperienced youth to feel itself quite alone in the world, cut adrift from every connection, uncertain whether the port to which it is bound can be reached, and prevented by many impediments from returning to that it has quitted. The charm of adventure sweetens that sensation, the glow of pride warms it; but then the throb of fear disturbs it; and fear with me became predominant when half-an-hour elapsed and still I was alone. I bethought myself to ring the bell.

 

Is there a place in this neighbourhood called Thornfield I asked of the waiter who answered the summons.

 

Thornfield I dont know, maam; Ill inquire at the bar. He vanished, but reappeared instantly

 

Is your name Eyre, Miss

 

Yes.

 

Person here waiting for you.

 

I jumped up, took my muff and umbrella, and hastened into the inn-passage a man was standing by the open door, and in the lamp-lit street I dimly saw a one-horse conveyance.

 

This will be your luggage, I suppose said the man rather abruptly when he saw me, pointing to my trunk in the passage.

 

Yes. He hoisted it on to the vehicle, which was a sort of car, and then I got in; before he shut me up, I asked him how far it was to Thornfield.

 

A matter of six miles.

 

How long shall we be before we get there

 

Happen an hour and a half.

 

He fastened the car door, climbed to his own seat outside, and we set off. Our progress was leisurely, and gave me ample time to reflect; I was content to be at length so near the end of my journey; and as I leaned back in the comfortable though not elegant conveyance, I meditated much at my ease.

 

I suppose, thought I, judging from the plainness of the servant and carriage, Mrs. Fairfax is not a very dashing person so much the better; I never lived amongst fine people but once, and I was very miserable with them. I wonder if she lives alone except this little girl; if so, and if she is in any degree amiable, I shall surely be able to get on with her; I will do my best; it is a pity that doing ones best does not always answer. At Lowood, indeed, I took that resolution, kept it, and succeeded in pleasing; but with Mrs. Reed, I remember my best was always spurned with scorn. I pray God Mrs. Fairfax may not turn out a second Mrs. Reed; but if she does, I am not bound to stay with her! let the worst come to the worst, I can advertise again. How far are we on our road now, I wonder

 

I let down the window and looked out; Millcote was behind us; judging by the number of its lights, it seemed a place of considerable magnitude, much larger than Lowton. We were now, as far as I could see, on a sort of common; but there were houses scattered all over the district; I felt we were in a different region to Lowood, more populous, less picturesque; more stirring, less romantic.

 

The roads were heavy, the night misty; my conductor let his horse walk all the way, and the hour and a half extended, I verily believe, to two hours; at last he turned in his seat and said

 

Youre noan so far fro Thornfield now.

 

Again I looked out we were passing a church; I saw its low broad tower against the sky, and its bell was tolling a quarter; I saw a narrow galaxy of lights too, on a hillside, marking a village or hamlet. About ten minutes after, the driver got down and opened a pair of gates we passed through, and they clashed to behind us. We now slowly ascended a drive, and came upon the long front of a house candlelight gleamed from one curtained bow-window; all the rest were dark. The car stopped at the front door; it was opened by a maid-servant; I alighted and went in.

 

Will you walk this way, maam said the girl; and I followed her across a square hall with high doors all round she ushered me into a room whose double illumination of fire and candle at first dazzled me, contrasting as it did with the darkness to which my eyes had been for two hours inured; when I could see, however, a cosy and agreeable picture presented itself to my view.

 

A snug small room; a round table by a cheerful fire; an arm-chair high-backed and old-fashioned, wherein sat the neatest imaginable little elderly lady, in widows cap, black silk gown, and snowy muslin apron; exactly like what I had fancied Mrs. Fairfax, only less stately and milder looking. She was occupied in knitting; a large cat sat demurely at her feet; nothing in short was wanting to complete the beau-ideal of domestic comfort. A more reassuring introduction for a new governess could scarcely be conceived; there was no grandeur to overwhelm, no stateliness to embarrass; and then, as I entered, the old lady got up and promptly and kindly came forward to meet me.

 

How do you do, my dear I am afraid you have had a tedious ride; John drives so slowly; you must be cold, come to the fire.

 

Mrs. Fairfax, I suppose said I.

 

Yes, you are right do sit down.

 

She conducted me to her own chair, and then began to remove my shawl and untie my bonnet-strings; I begged she would not give herself so much trouble.

 

Oh, it is no trouble; I dare say your own hands are almost numbed with cold. Leah, make a little hot negus and cut a sandwich or two here are the keys of the storeroom.

 

And she produced from her pocket a most housewifely bunch of keys, and delivered them to the servant.

 

Now, then, draw nearer to the fire, she continued. Youve brought your luggage with you, havent you, my dear

 

Yes, maam.

 

Ill see it carried into your room, she said, and bustled out.

 

She treats me like a visitor, thought I. I little expected such a reception; I anticipated only coldness and stiffness this is not like what I have heard of the treatment of governesses; but I must not exult too soon.

 

She returned; with her own hands cleared her knitting apparatus and a book or two from the table, to make room for the tray which Leah now brought, and then herself handed me the refreshments. I felt rather confused at being the object of more attention than I had ever before received, and, that too, shown by my employer and superior; but as she did not herself seem to consider she was doing anything out of her place, I thought it better to take her civilities quietly.

 

Shall I have the pleasure of seeing Miss Fairfax to-night I asked, when I had partaken of what she offered me.

 

What did you say, my dear I am a little deaf, returned the good lady, approaching her ear to my mouth.

 

I repeated the question more distinctly.

 

Miss Fairfax Oh, you mean Miss Varens! Varens is the name of your future pupil.

 

Indeed! Then she is not your daughter

 

No,I have no family.

 

I should have followed up my first inquiry, by asking in what way Miss Varens was connected with her; but I recollected it was not polite to ask too many questions besides, I was sure to hear in time.

 

I am so glad, she continued, as she sat down opposite to me, and took the cat on her knee; I am so glad you are come; it will be quite pleasant living here now with a companion. To be sure it is pleasant at any time; for Thornfield is a fine old hall, rather neglected of late years perhaps, but still it is a respectable place; yet you know in winter-time one feels dreary quite alone in the best quarters. I say aloneLeah is a nice girl to be sure, and John and his wife are very decent people; but then you see they are only servants, and one cant converse with them on terms of equality one must keep them at due distance, for fear of losing ones authority. Im sure last winter (it was a very severe one, if you recollect, and when it did not snow, it rained and blew), not a creature but the butcher and postman came to the house, from November till February; and I really got quite melancholy with sitting night after night alone; I had Leah in to read to me sometimes; but I dont think the poor girl liked the task much she felt it confining. In spring and summer one got on better sunshine and long days make such a difference; and then, just at the commencement of this autumn, little Adela Varens came and her nurse a child makes a house alive all at once; and now you are here I shall be quite gay.

 

My heart really warmed to the worthy lady as I heard her talk; and I drew my chair a little nearer to her, and expressed my sincere wish that she might find my company as agreeable as she anticipated.

 

But Ill not keep you sitting up late to-night, said she; it is on the stroke of twelve now, and you have been travelling all day you must feel tired. If you have got your feet well warmed, Ill show you your bedroom. Ive had the room next to mine prepared for you; it is only a small apartment, but I thought you would like it better than one of the large front chambers to be sure they have finer furniture, but they are so dreary and solitary, I never sleep in them myself.

 

I thanked her for her considerate choice, and as I really felt fatigued with my long journey, expressed my readiness to retire. She took her candle, and I followed her from the room. First she went to see if the hall-door was fastened; having taken the key from the lock, she led the way upstairs. The steps and banisters were of oak; the staircase window was high and latticed; both it and the long gallery into which the bedroom doors opened looked as if they belonged to a church rather than a house. A very chill and vault-like air pervaded the stairs and gallery, suggesting cheerless ideas of space and solitude; and I was glad, when finally ushered into my chamber, to find it of small dimensions, and furnished in ordinary, modern style.

 

When Mrs. Fairfax had bidden me a kind good-night, and I had fastened my door, gazed leisurely round, and in some measure effaced the eerie impression made by that wide hall, that dark and spacious staircase, and that long, cold gallery, by the livelier aspect of my little room, I remembered that, after a day of bodily fatigue and mental anxiety, I was now at last in safe haven. The impulse of gratitude swelled my heart, and I knelt down at the bedside, and offered up thanks where thanks were due; not forgetting, ere I rose, to implore aid on my further path, and the power of meriting the kindness which seemed so frankly offered me before it was earned. My couch had no thorns in it that night; my solitary room no fears. At once weary and content, I slept soon and soundly when I awoke it was broad day.

 

The chamber looked such a bright little place to me as the sun shone in between the gay blue chintz window curtains, showing papered walls and a carpeted floor, so unlike the bare planks and stained plaster of Lowood, that my spirits rose at the view. Externals have a great effect on the young I thought that a fairer era of life was beginning for me, one that was to have its flowers and pleasures, as well as its thorns and toils. My faculties, roused by the change of scene, the new field offered to hope, seemed all astir. I cannot precisely define what they expected, but it was something pleasant not perhaps that day or that month, but at an indefinite future period.

 

I rose; I dressed myself with care obliged to be plainfor I had no article of attire that was not made with extreme simplicityI was still by nature solicitous to be neat. It was not my habit to be disregardful of appearance or careless of the impression I made on the contrary, I ever wished to look as well as I could, and to please as much as my want of beauty would permit. I sometimes regretted that I was not handsomer; I sometimes wished to have rosy cheeks, a straight nose, and small cherry mouth; I desired to be tall, stately, and finely developed in figure; I felt it a misfortune that I was so little, so pale, and had features so irregular and so marked. And why had I these aspirations and these regrets It would be difficult to say I could not then distinctly say it to myself; yet I had a reason, and a logical, natural reason too. However, when I had brushed my hair very smooth, and put on my black frockwhich, Quakerlike as it was, at least had the merit of fitting to a nicetyand adjusted my clean white tucker, I thought I should do respectably enough to appear before Mrs. Fairfax, and that my new pupil would not at least recoil from me with antipathy. Having opened my chamber window, and seen that I left all things straight and neat on the toilet table, I ventured forth.

 

Traversing the long and matted gallery, I descended the slippery steps of oak; then I gained the hall I halted there a minute; I looked at some pictures on the walls (one, I remember, represented a grim man in a cuirass, and one a lady with powdered hair and a pearl necklace), at a bronze lamp pendent from the ceiling, at a great clock whose case was of oak curiously carved, and ebon black with time and rubbing. Everything appeared very stately and imposing to me; but then I was so little accustomed to grandeur. The hall-door, which was half of glass, stood open; I stepped over the threshold. It was a fine autumn morning; the early sun shone serenely on embrowned groves and still green fields; advancing on to the lawn, I looked up and surveyed the front of the mansion. It was three storeys high, of proportions not vast, though considerable a gentlemans manor-house, not a noblemans seat battlements round the top gave it a picturesque look. Its grey front stood out well from the background of a rookery, whose cawing tenants were now on the wing they flew over the lawn and grounds to alight in a great meadow, from which these were separated by a sunk fence, and where an array of mighty old thorn trees, strong, knotty, and broad as oaks, at once explained the etymology of the mansions designation. Farther off were hills not so lofty as those round Lowood, nor so craggy, nor so like barriers of separation from the living world; but yet quiet and lonely hills enough, and seeming to embrace Thornfield with a seclusion I had not expected to find existent so near the stirring locality of Millcote. A little hamlet, whose roofs were blent with trees, straggled up the side of one of these hills; the church of the district stood nearer Thornfield its old tower-top looked over a knoll between the house and gates.

 

I was yet enjoying the calm prospect and pleasant fresh air, yet listening with delight to the cawing of the rooks, yet surveying the wide, hoary front of the hall, and thinking what a great place it was for one lonely little dame like Mrs. Fairfax to inhabit, when that lady appeared at the door.

 

What! out already said she. I see you are an early riser. I went up to her, and was received with an affable kiss and shake of the hand.

 

How do you like Thornfield she asked. I told her I liked it very much.

 

Yes, she said, it is a pretty place; but I fear it will be getting out of order, unless Mr. Rochester should take it into his head to come and reside here permanently; or, at least, visit it rather oftener great houses and fine grounds require the presence of the proprietor.

 

Mr. Rochester! I exclaimed. Who is he

 

The owner of Thornfield, she responded quietly. Did you not know he was called Rochester

 

Of course I did notI had never heard of him before; but the old lady seemed to regard his existence as a universally understood fact, with which everybody must be acquainted by instinct.

 

I thought, I continued, Thornfield belonged to you.

 

To me Bless you, child; what an idea! To me! I am only the housekeeperthe manager. To be sure I am distantly related to the Rochesters by the mothers side, or at least my husband was; he was a clergyman, incumbent of Haythat little village yonder on the hilland that church near the gates was his. The present Mr. Rochesters mother was a Fairfax, and second cousin to my husband but I never presume on the connectionin fact, it is nothing to me; I consider myself quite in the light of an ordinary housekeeper my employer is always civil, and I expect nothing more.

 

And the little girlmy pupil!

 

She is Mr. Rochesters ward; he commissioned me to find a governess for her. He intended to have her brought up in ---shire, I believe. Here she comes, with her bonne, as she calls her nurse. The enigma then was explained this affable and kind little widow was no great dame; but a dependant like myself. I did not like her the worse for that; on the contrary, I felt better pleased than ever. The equality between her and me was real; not the mere result of condescension on her part so much the bettermy position was all the freer.

 

As I was meditating on this discovery, a little girl, followed by her attendant, came running up the lawn. I looked at my pupil, who did not at first appear to notice me she was quite a child, perhaps seven or eight years old, slightly built, with a pale, small-featured face, and a redundancy of hair falling in curls to her waist.

 

Good morning, Miss Adela, said Mrs. Fairfax. Come and speak to the lady who is to teach you, and to make you a clever woman some day. She approached.

 

Cest là ma gouverante! said she, pointing to me, and addressing her nurse; who answered

 

Mais oui, certainement.

 

Are they foreigners I inquired, amazed at hearing the French language.

 

The nurse is a foreigner, and Adela was born on the Continent; and, I believe, never left it till within six months ago. When she first came here she could speak no English; now she can make shift to talk it a little I dont understand her, she mixes it so with French; but you will make out her meaning very well, I dare say.

 

Fortunately I had had the advantage of being taught French by a French lady; and as I had always made a point of conversing with Madame Pierrot as often as I could, and had besides, during the last seven years, learnt a portion of French by heart dailyapplying myself to take pains with my accent, and imitating as closely as possible the pronunciation of my teacher, I had acquired a certain degree of readiness and correctness in the language, and was not likely to be much at a loss with Mademoiselle Adela. She came and shook hand with me when she heard that I was her governess; and as I led her in to breakfast, I addressed some phrases to her in her own tongue she replied briefly at first, but after we were seated at the table, and she had examined me some ten minutes with her large hazel eyes, she suddenly commenced chattering fluently.

 

Ah! cried she, in French, you speak my language as well as Mr. Rochester does I can talk to you as I can to him, and so can Sophie. She will be glad nobody here understands her Madame Fairfax is all English. Sophie is my nurse; she came with me over the sea in a great ship with a chimney that smokedhow it did smoke!and I was sick, and so was Sophie, and so was Mr. Rochester. Mr. Rochester lay down on a sofa in a pretty room called the salon, and Sophie and I had little beds in another place. I nearly fell out of mine; it was like a shelf. And Mademoisellewhat is your name

 

EyreJane Eyre.

 

Aire Bah! I cannot say it. Well, our ship stopped in the morning, before it was quite daylight, at a great citya huge city, with very dark houses and all smoky; not at all like the pretty clean town I came from; and Mr. Rochester carried me in his arms over a plank to the land, and Sophie came after, and we all got into a coach, which took us to a beautiful large house, larger than this and finer, called an hotel. We stayed there nearly a week I and Sophie used to walk every day in a great green place full of trees, called the Park; and there were many children there besides me, and a pond with beautiful birds in it, that I fed with crumbs.

 

Can you understand her when she runs on so fast asked Mrs. Fairfax.

 

I understood her very well, for I had been accustomed to the fluent tongue of Madame Pierrot.

 

I wish, continued the good lady, you would ask her a question or two about her parents I wonder if she remembers them

 

Adèle, I inquired, with whom did you live when you were in that pretty clean town you spoke of

 

I lived long ago with mama; but she is gone to the Holy Virgin. Mama used to teach me to dance and sing, and to say verses. A great many gentlemen and ladies came to see mama, and I used to dance before them, or to sit on their knees and sing to them I liked it. Shall I let you hear me sing now

 

She had finished her breakfast, so I permitted her to give a specimen of her accomplishments. Descending from her chair, she came and placed herself on my knee; then, folding her little hands demurely before her, shaking back her curls and lifting her eyes to the ceiling, she commenced singing a song from some opera. It was the strain of a forsaken lady, who, after bewailing the perfidy of her lover, calls pride to her aid; desires her attendant to deck her in her brightest jewels and richest robes, and resolves to meet the false one that night at a ball, and prove to him, by the gaiety of her demeanour, how little his desertion has affected her.

 

The subject seemed strangely chosen for an infant singer; but I suppose the point of the exhibition lay in hearing the notes of love and jealousy warbled with the lisp of childhood; and in very bad taste that point was at least I thought so.

 

Adèle sang the canzonette tunefully enough, and with the naïveté of her age. This achieved, she jumped from my knee and said, Now, Mademoiselle, I will repeat you some poetry.

 

Assuming an attitude, she began, La Ligue des Rats fable de La Fontaine. She then declaimed the little piece with an attention to punctuation and emphasis, a flexibility of voice and an appropriateness of gesture, very unusual indeed at her age, and which proved she had been carefully trained.

 

Was it your mama who taught you that piece I asked.

 

Yes, and she just used to say it in this way Qu avez vous donc lui dit un de ces rats; parlez! She made me lift my handsoto remind me to raise my voice at the question. Now shall I dance for you

 

No, that will do but after your mama went to the Holy Virgin, as you say, with whom did you live then

 

With Madame Frédéric and her husband she took care of me, but she is nothing related to me. I think she is poor, for she had not so fine a house as mama. I was not long there. Mr. Rochester asked me if I would like to go and live with him in England, and I said yes; for I knew Mr. Rochester before I knew Madame Frédéric, and he was always kind to me and gave me pretty dresses and toys but you see he has not kept his word, for he has brought me to England, and now he is gone back again himself, and I never see him.

 

After breakfast, Adèle and I withdrew to the library, which room, it appears, Mr. Rochester had directed should be used as the schoolroom. Most of the books were locked up behind glass doors; but there was one bookcase left open containing everything that could be needed in the way of elementary works, and several volumes of light literature, poetry, biography, travels, a few romances, &c. I suppose he had considered that these were all the governess would require for her private perusal; and, indeed, they contented me amply for the present; compared with the scanty pickings I had now and then been able to glean at Lowood, they seemed to offer an abundant harvest of entertainment and information. In this room, too, there was a cabinet piano, quite new and of superior tone; also an easel for painting and a pair of globes.

 

I found my pupil sufficiently docile, though disinclined to apply she had not been used to regular occupation of any kind. I felt it would be injudicious to confine her too much at first; so, when I had talked to her a great deal, and got her to learn a little, and when the morning had advanced to noon, I allowed her to return to her nurse. I then proposed to occupy myself till dinner-time in drawing some little sketches for her use.

 

As I was going upstairs to fetch my portfolio and pencils, Mrs. Fairfax called to me Your morning school-hours are over now, I suppose, said she. She was in a room the folding-doors of which stood open I went in when she addressed me. It was a large, stately apartment, with purple chairs and curtains, a Turkey carpet, walnut-panelled walls, one vast window rich in slanted glass, and a lofty ceiling, nobly moulded. Mrs. Fairfax was dusting some vases of fine purple spar, which stood on a sideboard.

 

What a beautiful room! I exclaimed, as I looked round; for I had never before seen any half so imposing.

 

Yes; this is the dining-room. I have just opened the window, to let in a little air and sunshine; for everything gets so damp in apartments that are seldom inhabited; the drawing-room yonder feels like a vault.

 

She pointed to a wide arch corresponding to the window, and hung like it with a Tyrian-dyed curtain, now looped up. Mounting to it by two broad steps, and looking through, I thought I caught a glimpse of a fairy place, so bright to my novice-eyes appeared the view beyond. Yet it was merely a very pretty drawing-room, and within it a boudoir, both spread with white carpets, on which seemed laid brilliant garlands of flowers; both ceiled with snowy mouldings of white grapes and vine-leaves, beneath which glowed in rich contrast crimson couches and ottomans; while the ornaments on the pale Parian mantelpiece were of sparkling Bohemian glass, ruby red; and between the windows large mirrors repeated the general blending of snow and fire.

 

In what order you keep these rooms, Mrs. Fairfax! said I. No dust, no canvas coverings except that the air feels chilly, one would think they were inhabited daily.

 

Why, Miss Eyre, though Mr. Rochesters visits here are rare, they are always sudden and unexpected; and as I observed that it put him out to find everything swathed up, and to have a bustle of arrangement on his arrival, I thought it best to keep the rooms in readiness.

 

Is Mr. Rochester an exacting, fastidious sort of man

 

Not particularly so; but he has a gentlemans tastes and habits, and he expects to have things managed in conformity to them.

 

Do you like him Is he generally liked

 

Oh, yes; the family have always been respected here. Almost all the land in this neighbourhood, as far as you can see, has belonged to the Rochesters time out of mind.

 

Well, but, leaving his land out of the question, do you like him Is he liked for himself

 

I have no cause to do otherwise than like him; and I believe he is considered a just and liberal landlord by his tenants but he has never lived much amongst them.

 

But has he no peculiarities What, in short, is his character

 

Oh! his character is unimpeachable, I suppose. He is rather peculiar, perhaps he has travelled a great deal, and seen a great deal of the world, I should think. I dare say he is clever, but I never had much conversation with him.

 

In what way is he peculiar

 

I dont knowit is not easy to describenothing striking, but you feel it when he speaks to you; you cannot be always sure whether he is in jest or earnest, whether he is pleased or the contrary; you dont thoroughly understand him, in shortat least, I dont but it is of no consequence, he is a very good master.

 

This was all the account I got from Mrs. Fairfax of her employer and mine. There are people who seem to have no notion of sketching a character, or observing and describing salient points, either in persons or things the good lady evidently belonged to this class; my queries puzzled, but did not draw her out. Mr. Rochester was Mr. Rochester in her eyes; a gentleman, a landed proprietornothing more she inquired and searched no further, and evidently wondered at my wish to gain a more definite notion of his identity.

 

When we left the dining-room, she proposed to show me over the rest of the house; and I followed her upstairs and downstairs, admiring as I went; for all was well arranged and handsome. The large front chambers I thought especially grand and some of the third-storey rooms, though dark and low, were interesting from their air of antiquity. The furniture once appropriated to the lower apartments had from time to time been removed here, as fashions changed and the imperfect light entering by their narrow casement showed bedsteads of a hundred years old; chests in oak or walnut, looking, with their strange carvings of palm branches and cherubs heads, like types of the Hebrew ark; rows of venerable chairs, high-backed and narrow; stools still more antiquated, on whose cushioned tops were yet apparent traces of half-effaced embroideries, wrought by fingers that for two generations had been coffin-dust. All these relics gave to the third storey of Thornfield Hall the aspect of a home of the past a shrine of memory. I liked the hush, the gloom, the quaintness of these retreats in the day; but I by no means coveted a nights repose on one of those wide and heavy beds shut in, some of them, with doors of oak; shaded, others, with wrought old English hangings crusted with thick work, portraying effigies of strange flowers, and stranger birds, and strangest human beings,all which would have looked strange, indeed, by the pallid gleam of moonlight.

 

Do the servants sleep in these rooms I asked.

 

No; they occupy a range of smaller apartments to the back; no one ever sleeps here one would almost say that, if there were a ghost at Thornfield Hall, this would be its haunt.

 

So I think you have no ghost, then

 

None that I ever heard of, returned Mrs. Fairfax, smiling.

 

Nor any traditions of one no legends or ghost stories

 

I believe not. And yet it is said the Rochesters have been rather a violent than a quiet race in their time perhaps, though, that is the reason they rest tranquilly in their graves now.

 

Yesafter lifes fitful fever they sleep well, I muttered. Where are you going now, Mrs. Fairfax for she was moving away.

 

On to the leads; will you come and see the view from thence I followed still, up a very narrow staircase to the attics, and thence by a ladder and through a trap-door to the roof of the hall. I was now on a level with the crow colony, and could see into their nests. Leaning over the battlements and looking far down, I surveyed the grounds laid out like a map the bright and velvet lawn closely girdling the grey base of the mansion; the field, wide as a park, dotted with its ancient timber; the wood, dun and sere, divided by a path visibly overgrown, greener with moss than the trees were with foliage; the church at the gates, the road, the tranquil hills, all reposing in the autumn days sun; the horizon bounded by a propitious sky, azure, marbled with pearly white. No feature in the scene was extraordinary, but all was pleasing. When I turned from it and repassed the trap-door, I could scarcely see my way down the ladder; the attic seemed black as a vault compared with that arch of blue air to which I had been looking up, and to that sunlit scene of grove, pasture, and green hill, of which the hall was the centre, and over which I had been gazing with delight.

 

Mrs. Fairfax stayed behind a moment to fasten the trap-door; I, by drift of groping, found the outlet from the attic, and proceeded to descend the narrow garret staircase. I lingered in the long passage to which this led, separating the front and back rooms of the third storey narrow, low, and dim, with only one little window at the far end, and looking, with its two rows of small black doors all shut, like a corridor in some Bluebeards castle.

 

While I paced softly on, the last sound I expected to hear in so still a region, a laugh, struck my ear. It was a curious laugh; distinct, formal, mirthless. I stopped the sound ceased, only for an instant; it began again, louder for at first, though distinct, it was very low. It passed off in a clamorous peal that seemed to wake an echo in every lonely chamber; though it originated but in one, and I could have pointed out the door whence the accents issued.

 

Mrs. Fairfax! I called out for I now heard her descending the great stairs. Did you hear that loud laugh Who is it

 

Some of the servants, very likely, she answered perhaps Grace Poole.

 

Did you hear it I again inquired.

 

Yes, plainly I often hear her she sews in one of these rooms. Sometimes Leah is with her; they are frequently noisy together.

 

The laugh was repeated in its low, syllabic tone, and terminated in an odd murmur.

 

Grace! exclaimed Mrs. Fairfax.

 

I really did not expect any Grace to answer; for the laugh was as tragic, as preternatural a laugh as any I ever heard; and, but that it was high noon, and that no circumstance of ghostliness accompanied the curious cachinnation; but that neither scene nor season favoured fear, I should have been superstitiously afraid. However, the event showed me I was a fool for entertaining a sense even of surprise.

 

The door nearest me opened, and a servant came out,a woman of between thirty and forty; a set, square-made figure, red-haired, and with a hard, plain face any apparition less romantic or less ghostly could scarcely be conceived.

 

Too much noise, Grace, said Mrs. Fairfax. Remember directions! Grace curtseyed silently and went in.

 

She is a person we have to sew and assist Leah in her housemaids work, continued the widow; not altogether unobjectionable in some points, but she does well enough. By-the-bye, how have you got on with your new pupil this morning

 

The conversation, thus turned on Adèle, continued till we reached the light and cheerful region below. Adèle came running to meet us in the hall, exclaiming

 

Mesdames, vous êtes servies! adding, Jai bien faim, moi!

 

We found dinner ready, and waiting for us in Mrs. Fairfaxs room.

 







: 2015-09-04; : 215.


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