November 2011 - Present Day 13 страница

I smile at him and laugh. “I’m willing to pay,” I wink before adding, “As long as the show lives up to my expectations.”

He softly smiles at me and says, “I hope it does.”

Placing his guitar on his leg, he positions one arm around the neck and his other over the body. “This is something I wrote this morning for you. It’s called Five.”

He begins to strum the same beautiful melody I heard earlier. I stare, mesmerized by his soulfulness. As he plays, the chords come to life with his concentration and intensity.

He sings the first two lines of the song and I listen.

 

5 years, 260 weeks, 1,825 days, 2.3 million minutes. That was how long ago I met

you.

 

His lyrics immediately resonate in my heart. I can feel my heart growing, accepting him as the one who belongs there, the one who is meant to hold it.

As he sings, he slips further into his music.

 

If I did it all again. Would you come along for the ride? I hope so. If I did it all again. Could you play this game with me? □I hope so.

 

Tears are stinging my eyes as I unfold my arms from my legs. He continues to sing, lost in his own music, and I continue to watch, lost in him, in awe of him. Perhaps, in love with him?

 

And 5 years, 260 weeks, 1,825 days, 2.3 million minutes from today, will we still be

together? I hope so.

Because I love you. Do you believe we will still be together? I hope so.

Because I really love you. Do you know so?

 

Shaking with joy and needing to touch him, to wrap myself around him, to show him I feel the same way, I crawl down the bed as he sings his last line.

 

Now you do—I love my beautiful girl.

 

Swallowing back the tears, I’m overcome with emotion. He wrote me a love song to tell me how he feels. Sitting beside him at the foot of the bed, I’m rendered speechless for a moment. The tears that have been welling in my eyes begin to slide down my cheeks as he sets his guitar gently on the floor.

As I open my mouth to speak, without knowing exactly what I’m going to say, he reaches over and gently cups my face in his hands. He brushes my tears away with his thumbs. He leans in, his lips practically touching mine. “Shhh...You don’t have to say anything. I’m not expecting you to say anything. I just want you to know how I feel. How much you mean to me.”

I kiss him, snaking my arms around his neck as he shifts on the bed to welcome me. When he whispers in my ear, “Dahlia, I love everything about you. I know in my heart you’re my girl, so amazing, so fun, so beautiful.” I feel my heart pounding and I know it’s about to jump out of my chest. Turning my head, I look into his eyes. The same gleaming green eyes as the first time I saw him. I thought then what I know now, that if I jump in I will never swim out. They are telling me he’s my future.

I can’t respond in words. I don’t know how. So I close my eyes, knowing I can show him how I feel. I kiss him lovingly. Parting my lips, our tongues meet and explore as if they have entered uncharted territory and are looking to claim it for their own.

Pulling back slightly, I teasingly suck on his lower lip before moving my mouth to his neck. Gliding my tongue down his smooth skin, I plant soft kisses along the way. I can feel his taut muscles through the fabric of his t-shirt as I slowly but firmly slide my hands down his back. When I trace my nails against his skin, I can hear a low growl in his throat. My desire to make love to him is so strong; I can feel my heart beating faster with every passing second. River must feel the same because at that moment, he grabs hold of my arms and gently presses me back so I’m lying flat on the bed, looking up into his sparkling green eyes. His hands move to mine, threading our fingers together as he raises both my arms above my head while softly running his tongue across my lips. I open my mouth and let his tongue inside as he releases one of my hands but quickly grabs it with his other, effectively keeping my arms, elbows bent, restrained above my head.

Still hovering over me, his knees at my hips, he breaks the kiss and slides his mouth to my ear. While running his free hand down the length of my arm from wrist to shoulder, he whispers in the sexiest tone, “I love you, Dahlia. And I want to show you just how much.”

My body shivers with anticipation as he runs his fingers down the front of my shirt, over one breast and then the other, my nipples hardening at his touch through the fabric

of my clothing. Reaching the hem of my shirt, he slowly pulls it up my body, revealing my goosebump-covered skin. He licks his bottom lip slowly before ducking his head as he moves my shirt higher over my ribcage. His tongue touches the bare skin just below my breasts and follows my shirt’s path up my body as if trying to catch it in a chase. Once my breasts are exposed, his tongue teases my hardened nipples, circling them over and over, and I begin to moan. He’s still holding my hands over my head and I cannot touch him, although I want to so badly.

“River,” I mutter, my eyes half-closed as I arch my back offering his mouth better access to my aching breasts. “I need to touch you.”

“Soon,” he whispers in response.

And with that, he pushes my shirt up as high as it will go, sucking on both my breasts, one at a time, as if they are his lifeline. His fingers are lightly tracing patterns on my bare stomach, and the sensation is incredible. I’m so turned on as I writhe under his touch.

Lifting his head, River smiles as he brings his lips back to mine before releasing my hands from his grasp. Our tongues intertwine in our mouths, and my arms wrap around his body, pulling him into a loving embrace. Breaking away from my lips, he pulls both of us up to a sitting position. Without saying a word, he lifts my shirt over my head and tosses it to the floor beside the bed. Following his lead, I do the same with his shirt. As it hits the floor, he’s already laying me back down on the bed.

I can tell he wants to take the lead, and I’m perfectly happy letting him do just that. His every touch, his every nibble is so overwhelmingly sensual and I love it. I want to feel all of it.

Leaning over me, this time without restraining my arms, he places his hands and knees on either side of my body, supporting his own weight. As he glides his smooth tongue down the front of me, my hands travel up and down his naked back. They press into the hardness of every well-defined muscle I encounter along the way and he lets out a deep groan. Continuing his journey, he skims his nose along my skin and dips his tongue in and out of my navel, making me squirm. Reaching the silky edge of my black lace panties, I realize where he’s headed, and I’m overcome with desire.

Sliding my hands up River’s back, past his shoulders and his neck, I grasp fistfuls of his amazing hair between my fingers. I gently urge his head downward, encouraging his mouth to reach its final destination. Hooking his index fingers into the waistband of my panties at each hip, he pauses a second before placing his lips between my slightly parted legs. When he softly kisses my most sensitive spot through the fabric of my very damp panties, I can practically see sparks fly from the feel of his touch. I’m getting wetter and I want him so badly.

“You’re so ready for me, aren’t you?” he softly growls against my skin as he yanks my panties down, past my knees to my ankles, and I kick them off onto the floor.

“Oh God, I am,” I manage to whisper, as I raise my hips, offering myself to him, my hands now flat on the bed for support.

Using his hands to further open my legs, he sucks and nibbles on the skin of my inner thigh, trailing his kisses closer and closer to my slick core where I’m so eagerly awaiting his touch. When he finally strokes my sex with the tip of his tongue, it is pure heaven,

and I let out a deep moan. “Oh God, that feels so good. Please, don’t stop.”

I feel his mouth turn up in a sexy grin, responding to my words as he continues to pleasure me with his wicked tongue, never lifting his head from the task at hand. Arching my hips off the bed as a jolt of pleasure runs through me, I grind myself urgently into his mouth, knowing I’m so close to the edge. As my muscles start to tighten, River’s tongue massages me with just the right amount of pressure. When he sucks hard one last time, I can’t hold back any longer, as waves of intense, fiery pleasure ripple through my body. I cry out his name over and over in ecstasy as his tongue continues to stroke me, prolonging this incredibly wonderful ride.

As my heavenly journey slows and returns me to this planet, I catch my breath and notice River watching me with a big grin on his adorably attractive face. “Hey, beautiful girl,” he says, leaning in to kiss the tip of my nose. His eyes meet mine as I smile up at him, still trying to regain my composure.

“Hey you,” I reply, and with that, he raises himself up and moves to stand beside the bed. Reaching into the front pocket of his jeans, he pulls out his phone, and sets it on the nightstand. He turns and quickly yanks one sheet from the glass doors, allowing the small bit of daylight left to filter into the room. I know without even looking that it’s still raining outside. I can hear the drops cascading off the glass in a constant steady rhythm. It’s soothing and has a great calming effect on me.

The calm doesn’t last long though as River reaches over and grabs me by the ankles then kneels on the floor at the edge of the bed, sliding my naked body towards him. He lifts my knees, resting them on his shoulders, and I hook my ankles around his neck. I’m very aware of him, I can feel his warm breath between my thighs as he lowers his head and kisses my entrance. His thumbs gently pry my lips apart then his tongue penetrates my already slick opening and I say, “River, I don’t think I can again!”

“Shhh, relax,” he whispers as he continues to suck and tease every inch of my sex. I feel myself getting wetter, it’s like he’s kissing me from the inside out, and I don’t want him to ever stop. I smile to myself. Maybe I can do this again? He slips one finger and then another deep inside me and slides his tongue up and over me. As he brushes over my g-spot, I know I definitely can do this again. I am doing this again!

I can hear the rain pounding harder outside the window, and it’s a perfect indication of the building pleasure my body is experiencing right now. My eyes close and my head turns to the side as my lips part, and my breathing becomes shallow and quick. When I feel myself getting close, he suddenly removes his fingers, glides his tongue down deep inside me while he places both hands on my thighs. He’s effectively holding me in place and it is incredibly erotic, something I’ve never really experienced before. I love it. Tightening my leg muscles as I feel my climax building, I want to raise my hips and thighs off the bed, but I can’t. This only feeds the intensity of what I’m feeling.

“You’re so close beautiful girl, just let go.”

“Oh God, River, please... I’m... I’m...” I cry out and come harder than before. An endless wave of primal bliss overtakes me. It’s like I’m being catapulted through a beautiful stormy sea, and I don’t want to reach the shore. River’s tongue doesn’t stop as he wrings every ounce of pleasure from my body, yet again.

I open my eyes as the aftershocks of my release fade away and focus directly on his gorgeous face.

His sexy green eyes are staring back at me. “You. Are. So. Amazing.” He says each word followed by a kiss as he makes his way up the front of my body, finally landing his lips on mine.

Running my hands through his soft, disheveled hair, I pull him even closer, dragging my lips to his ear. “Make love to me River,” I softly whisper as I suck on his ear lobe. I can’t quite believe that after two incredible mind-blowing orgasms, I not only have the energy, but also such a strong desire to have him deep inside of me. I’m already slightly quivering at the thought of it.

“I plan to,” he says, and I know he means it.

As he stands beside the bed, removing his jeans and boxers, I take a moment to sit up and glance out the window behind him. It’s getting darker outside, not just from the late time of day but also from the storm clouds that have clearly settled in. The rain is still coming down in buckets and I can vaguely make out the Hollywood sign in the distance, but looking at it still makes me smile. The dark, stormy weather outside is such a contrast to the bright, peaceful, loving atmosphere inside these bedroom walls.

Turning to look at River, I look at his naked, gorgeous body, every inch of it from head to toe. He stares at me with a devilish grin as he wipes his mouth on his arm, and for some reason I find this incredibly erotic. I can’t help but shutter with anticipation of what lies ahead.

He climbs back onto the bed, and I reach for him, longing to be entwined with him. With my arms around his neck, he gently guides me up the bed, urging me closer to the new headboard until I’m sitting with my knees folded under me, my back against the smooth cold black leather.

Reaching over my head, I grip the top of the headboard, as he kneels in front of me. Scanning him, I can see he’s so ready, his tip already glistening. I can’t wait another second. I need him inside me now.

I’m trembling slightly as he parts my legs. With one swift but gentle motion, he smoothly pushes himself inside me, filling me deeply with his length. My hands are still holding tight to the headboard as I hear him let out a deep groan. “Dahlia, you feel so incredible.”

Unable to respond with words, I let go of the headboard and put my arms around his body, pulling him even closer. Pressing my open mouth to his, I feel the velvety softness of his tongue stroking mine, the rhythm matching his thrusts below. Pressing my body against the leather headboard, he continues to move. He quickly takes me and rolls us so that I’m on top. His head is resting on the soft, fluffy pillows that adorn the bed and I watch his face. His eyes close and so do mine as I push harder and faster. He steadies my hips, holding me right where he wants me to be.

I feel the familiar sensation building in my core. River’s motions are pushing me towards yet another release, and I can’t hold on much longer.

“Open those beautiful hazel-eyes, sexy girl. I want to be looking into them as we come together,” he says before he can say no more.

That’s all it takes this time. I force my heavy eyelids open, focusing as best I can on his eyes as I find my release. He pushes me over the edge, shattering me into a thousand glorious pieces, taking me to a whole other universe.

“Oh, River,” I moan loudly, panting hard as I slowly drift back down. His movements slow as I catch my breath.

“I love you,” he groans, and with only a few more strokes, he shudders as he finds his own release. It’s such a beautiful thing, and I know I will never forget this moment.

I want to say the words back because I am in love with him and all the little things he does, but the words just won’t come out. Instead, I kiss him with all the love I have for him pouring out of me.

 

 

BETWEEN THE RAINDROPS

 

 

The rain doesn’t bother us When it’s just the two of us Walking together hand in hand

Living like there's only you and me

We walk together between the raindrops.

 

 

Explaining why I didn’t want him to come with me to Laguna Beach was one of the most painful conversations I’ve ever had with someone I love. Sadly, most of the people I have loved throughout my lifetime are no longer here living with me in this world; they have all died and gone to Heaven.

Funny, I can say I love you to him in my thoughts but I’m unable to verbalize my feelings. I don’t understand why. Is it because I’ve lost almost everyone I’ve ever loved? Or is it because I’ve only ever been in love with one other person and those words belonged to him, were only ever said to him? Saying those words out loud to someone other than Ben scares me. To me, those spoken words convey so much more than just a simple I love you. I feel so much more than that for River. I feel like I have met someone I’m meant to be connected with. We are like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly, and that scares me.

Neither of us had eaten or even felt hungry all day, and then suddenly we were both famished, so we ordered in. Once we had finished eating an obscene amount of Chinese take-out, I decided to approach the conversation cautiously. Sitting cross-legged on his bed, I leaned forward and pressed my palms into his thighs. “River I want to talk to you about something.”

His legs were crossed, his back was against the headboard, and his arms were folded behind his head. Uncrossing his arms, he rolled sideways to face me. Resting his elbow on a pillow, he supported his head with his hand and responded with nothing but certainty. “You know you can.”

Looking into his powerful green eyes, I said, “Promise you won’t get mad?”

“You don’t even have to ask that, but I promise,” he said, taking his free hand and crossing his chest. I find it so adorable when he does that.

“I want to explain something to you,” I told him, caution clear in my voice. He nodded and ran his free hand down my bare thigh. “Okay.”

Clenching his fist with both of my hands, I held his fingers in place as I explained that my house still had remnants of Ben everywhere. That I hadn’t really removed anything that belonged to him, only what I’d started to pack up before leaving for Las Vegas. I further explained my sad life over the last two years and how I’d just recently decided it was time to move. That I’d actually just put the house on the market.

He listened intently, acknowledging my words, but never interrupting until I said, “I just don’t want it to be weird for you, or me, if you come there and see pieces of my life with...”

Not letting me finish, he slightly lifted himself off the bed and pulled me down to him. Resting my head on a pillow, he caressed my cheek. Leaning in he kissed my nose, then slid his lips to my ear. “I understand, and I want to take you home.”

I left it at that and let him kiss me, stroke me, hold me, and love me for the rest of the night. But now, as we’re pulling up to my 1940’s Craftsmen style bungalow, I’m suddenly not sure this is a good idea. Looking at the purple wildflowers, which have taken over the yard, and the low-pitched gabled roof desperately in need of repair, I start to feel a little uneasy.

Turning the car off, he shifts to look at me and grins. “I never pictured you living in a yellow house with a white picket fence.”

“When you want to live close to the beach, you take what comes available on the market,” I smugly answer, feeling less nervous already after his smart-ass comment.

The rain is pouring down so hard, the visibility is close to zero. There are flood warnings and I wonder if the old roof on my house is leaking again. River pulls on his beanie as he opens the door. “Stay there, I’ll come around and get you.”

I love when he wears that hat; it always reminds me of the first time we met. He grabs my bags out of the trunk and comes around to my door. Of course neither of us has an umbrella, so as I attempt to use my purse for cover, he removes his leather jacket and tents it over my head. We both run quickly up the stone pathway to the covered front porch.

Wiping the drops from my face, I glance at the large arched front door. It is slightly ajar. Terror shoots through me as thoughts of a masked man engross my mind.

Pushing me back with his arm, he asks, “Were you expecting anyone to be here?” My heart starts pounding out of my chest. “No,” is all I can manage.

He moves toward the door and I yell, “No! Don’t!” My whole body is trembling, and fear surges through me. My jaw is tightly clenched and I’m feeling slightly sweaty. Ignoring my plea, he continues toward the door kicking it completely open with his boot.

“You don’t have an alarm?”

“Alarm?” I ask with a quivering voice. Then realizing that wasn’t an answer I say, “No.

No alarm.”

His sharp voice pierces through the open door, “Hello?”

He starts to move inside, and I grab his wrist. “Are you insane? We can’t go in there!

Let’s go back to the car and call the police.”

Gently pulling his wrist free, he says, “Dahlia, I don’t think anyone’s still here. Let me just check it out. See if we even need to call the cops. You stay here.”

“No. You’re not going in there alone and leaving me out here,” I whisper in case someone is in there. I’m scared shitless and not sure why we’re even going in, but I follow him.

As we enter the house, my senses are on full alert. River takes small, cautious, steps as we enter the foyer and I hesitantly trail behind. Looking down I see Ben’s keychain on the tile floor next to the old key-shaped holder we bought when we first moved in.

Peeking over his shoulder I see the family room is a complete and utter mess. What had been packed in boxes is now strewn all over. The sofa cushions are torn and stuffing covers the hardwood floors, the TV hangs by cords from the wall, various electronics are smashed on the ground, ashes from the fireplace seem to dust everything, and glass lays shattered into a thousand tiny pieces on top of the hearth.

Running to the fireplace, I fall to the ground clutching one of the broken pictures. It’s a photograph of Ben and me at graduation. The frame is broken, but the photo is still intact. As I stare at the face of the man I once loved for so long, my eyes shift to the other items collapsed around the fireplace.

I assess the damage to my most cherished memories, and I realize they are all broken. My Purple Rain tickets mounted next to my father’s smiling face are ripped, but my dad’s big brown eyes seem to be looking back at me, trying to provide comfort. The picture of my parents and myself outside The Greek, proudly displaying our newly purchased concert wears, lays shattered on top of another photo. This snapshot is torn in half. It is of my aunt and uncle holding me as the priest baptizes me, branding them as my godparents. My aunt’s mother, Grammy, is standing next to them wearing her bounty of pearls.

River lightly places his calming hand on my shoulder as he bends to kneel beside me. “Be careful. There’s glass everywhere.”

Nodding my head, tears are steadily trickling down my face. “Who would do this?”

“I don’t know,” he says in a tone as grim as I feel.

Taking the broken frame from my hand, his eyes narrow as he stares at the picture for a long while. I feel like recognition flashes across his face, maybe even pain as he says, “Is this him?”

Turning to face River, I hoarsely answer. “Yes. That’s Ben.” I’ve noticed, that just like Aerie, he never actually says Ben’s name but for a completely different reason.

Setting the picture down carefully, he stands up and holds out his hand. “Come on, let’s see if anything is missing and call the police. Whoever was here is gone now.”

Clutching his fingers tightly, I feel every muscle in my body tense as I force oxygen back into my lungs to stop from hyperventilating.

He points to the small vestibule in the back of the room that leads through the old butlers pantry to the kitchen. “That way?”

Inhaling deeply, I nod my chin. “No, follow me.”

Heading back to the foyer, we start down the short hallway that leads to my bedroom and Ben’s office. He pushes in front of me and I keep my eyes straight-ahead, scanning all the while for possible intruders that I know are gone. The house is too quiet for anyone to be in here. It is the same quiet I experienced hour after hour, day after day, for far too long.

A crunching beneath my feet makes me jump as we almost reach my bedroom. We both stop instantly. He turns around and we look down at my black converse sneakers as I lift my foot. Underneath it lays a crumpled up piece of paper. I recognize the golden gilded edge of the paper immediately. It is a page from one of Ben’s many journals.

Bending down, I carefully pick up the waded piece of parchment, caressing the satiny edge and holding it tightly. I try to keep my tears at bay and fail miserably as tears of sadness and sorrow bleed down my cheeks. My heart breaks as I glance into the office. Ben’s most cherished journals cover the knotted pine floor along with pieces of his laptop and various books torn at the bindings. Many more, once pristine, journal pages lay ripped, torn, and balled up everywhere. His beautifully scripted handwriting is still visible through the vile mess.

Covering my mouth with my hand, “No, not his journals,” escapes my mouth as I completely fall apart. Who would do this? Why?

River holds me tightly as we stand between my room and the office. “It’ll be okay. I’ll fix this for you. Come on, let’s go back outside,” he whispers.

Pulling away and wiping the steady flow of tears from my face, I shake my head. “I want to see everything. This is my life. Broken and destroyed. I need to see it,” I cry these words as I move toward my bedroom where I stand frozen in the doorway unable to move, but unable to pull my eyes away.

Pillows are torn open, the mattress is upside down, and a chair is flipped on its side. What I see next, as I glance down at the floor, tears through me like a knife into my heart. Amidst all the mess and chaos, are my broken necklaces and scattered dolls, the items I cherish most in this room. Pearls, white and black, cover the floor, stuck in the grooves of the wood planks; some start rolling as I finally find the courage to move toward them, picking up my Ken doll as I walk.

Totally losing any sense of saneness, I put the doll on my dresser and grab the silver- plated coffee mug lying on top of my t-shirt quilt. Collapsing to the floor, I haplessly start pinching the pearls from the ground and depositing them into the cup. Ironically it is the one unbroken item in the room; the gift given to me by Ben as a gesture to fix what was once broken between us.

River bends down and takes the cup from my shaky fingers. Furrowing his brow, and with concern in his voice, he says, “Let me do this. But first, let’s get you a glass of water and take you to the car. I think you’ve seen enough. It looks to me like random vandalism.”

Sadly enough, I think he’s right. Nothing seems to be missing, but everything is destroyed. It’s like a tornado ravaged my safe, but sad house, taking in its path anything that remained of the people I’ve loved and lost. As if my world hasn’t already been torn

apart enough, now I have nothing left but my own fading memories. The house looks like how my soul felt for so long after Ben’s death. Swollen with emotion, my internal wounds rip apart and the old feelings of hopelessness start to swirl around in my mind.

He’s talking, but I can’t hear him. A haunting ringing of my broken days echoes in my mind. Dark clouds begin to settle in before I blink away the eerie feeling. I try to see outside of my own head, but the destruction I’m looking at is causing all the grief to come rushing back. Everything is broken. Everything I have left of him, of my parents, has been taken away from me. Even the memories are surfacing less and less, and now my daily reminders are gone. I need them back. I don’t want my memories to fade away.

Hysterically, I grab the cup back. “No! I have to collect these.” Then setting the cup on the floor, I crawl on my hands and knees, picking up the glistening pearls. “These were my aunt’s. She loved them. They were her mother’s, my Grammy’s, and they meant the world to both of them.”

He crawls next to me and deposits a pearl in the cup. Then stroking my cheek before gently lifting my chin, he looks at me with nothing but love. “Okay. I understand. Let me help you.”

Pulling myself together, comforted by just his simple touch and soft words, I continue to pick up what I can of the pearls before stopping and rising to my knees. He continues to collect all the magical beads and I now feel like I should explain my hysterical reaction to my broken necklaces.

Wiping my tear-stained cheeks once again, I fumble for the words. “River,” I mumble before crawling over to him, needing to be near him. Glancing up at me, he sits up on his knees and pulls me close to him, clutching my arms and not letting go.

As we kneel on the floor that the devil just walked across, he simply presses his forehead to mine. My mouth remains stoic even as the words come out, and without looking at him I begin. “When I was a little girl I would often go with my aunt to her mother’s house to visit with her. Even though my aunt’s mother wasn’t really my grandmother I loved her so much. I called her grammy and really she was like a grandmother to me, the only one I ever knew.”