How to get what you want

(without saying a word)

You’re looking good. Your clothes are just right. But you’re given the worst table in the restaurant, your partner doesn’t listen to a word you say, and no one but your best friend seems to take you seriously.

What’s going wrong?

Your body language, that’s what. Every move you make and every expression that crosses your face is a far more powerful form of communication than anything you can say in words. In fact, research reveals that up to 80% of human response to every encounter is non-verbal.

In essence, it is not what you say but the way that you say it. Confident positive body talk can not only improve your ability to get what you want, but even affects the way you feel about yourself.

Psychologist Paul Ekman has shown that negative thoughts and facial expressions create stress even when they are being acted out for research purposes.

Smiling, on the other hand, calms and relaxes the entire body – and has an uplifting effect on anyone who sees it too.

Of course, body language is subconcious. But by becoming more aware of how you express yourself, you can significantly improve your chances of success in any number of situations. The scenarios shown here reveal the wrong – and the right – ways to go about it.

c. Look at the two pictures that follow the text. In which is the woman on the left more likely to confide in the woman on the right? How do you know?

d. Now read the text below and decide which picture it goes with. Find the words and phrases that helped you to decide.

By mirroring her friend’s posture, she demonstrates sympathy and creates a feeling of friendship between them. Their bodies are turned towards one another in the typically relaxed pose of intimate friends. Mirroring often occurs between friends and lovers, but professional listeners do it deliberately to create trust. A slight tilt of the head shows interest and attention, as does nodding at appropriate intervals.

e. Give examples of types of people that could be described as professional listeners.