Невинный секс 22 страница

 

A chair scooted from the table, scraping loudly across the floor. I pictured Charlie getting up; there was no way Alice would make that kind of noise. The faucet ran, splashing against a dish.

 

It didn't sound like they were going to say anything more about Edward, so I decided it was time to wake up.

 

I turned over, bouncing against the springs to make them squeak. Then I yawned loudly.

 

All was quiet in the kitchen.

 

I stretched and groaned.

 

"Alice?" I asked innocently; the soreness rasping in my throat added nicely to the charade.

 

"I'm in the kitchen, Bella," Alice called, no hint in her voice that she suspected my eavesdropping. But she was good at hiding things like that.

 

Charlie had to leave then—he was helping Sue Clearwater with the funeral arrangements. It would have been a very long day without Alice. She never spoke about leaving, and I didn't ask her. I knew it was inevitable, but I put it out of my mind.

 

Instead, we talked about her family—all but one.

 

Carlisle was working nights in Ithaca and teaching part time at Cornell. Esme was restoring a seventeenth century house, a historical monument, in the forest north of the city. Emmett and Rosalie had gone to Europe for a few months on another honeymoon, but they were back now. Jasper was at Cornell, too, studying philosophy this time. And Alice had been doing some personal research, concerning the information I'd accidentally uncovered for her last spring. She'd successfully tracked down the asylum where she'd spent the last years of her human life. The life she had no memory of.

 

"My name was Mary Alice Brandon," she told me quietly. "I had a little sister named Cynthia. Her daughter—my niece—is still alive in Biloxi."

 

"Did you find out why they put you in… that place?" What would drive parents to that extreme? Even if their daughter saw visions of the future…

 

She just shook her head, her topaz eyes thoughtful. "I couldn't find much about them. I went through all the old newspapers on microfiche. My family wasn't mentioned often; they weren't part of the social circle that made the papers. My parents' engagement was there, and Cynthia's." The name fell uncertainly from her tongue. "My birth was announced… and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on the admission and the date on my tombstone are the same."

 

I didn't know what to say, and, after a short pause, Alice moved on to lighter topics.

 

The Cullens were reassembled now, with the one exception, spending Cornell's spring break in Denali with Tanya and her family. I listened too eagerly to even the most trivial news. She never mentioned the one I was most interested in, and for that I was grateful. It was enough to listen to the stories of the family I'd once dreamed of belonging to.

 

Charlie didn't get back until after dark, and he looked more worn than he had the night before. He would be headed back to the reservation first thing in the morning for Harry's funeral, so he turned in early. I stayed on the couch with Alice again.

 

 

Charlie was almost a stranger when he came down the stairs before the sun was up, wearing an old suit I'd never seen him in before. The jacket hung open; I guessed it was too tight to fasten the buttons. His tie was a bit wide for the current style. He tiptoed to the door, trying not to wake us up. I let him go, pretending to sleep, as Alice did on the recliner.

 

As soon as he was out the door, Alice sat up. Under the quilt, she was fully dressed.

 

"So, what are we doing today?" she asked.

 

"I don't know—do you see anything interesting happening?"

 

She smiled and shook her head. "But it's still early."

 

All the time I'd been spending in La Push meant a pile of things I'd been neglecting at home, and I decided to catch up on my chores. I wanted to do something, anything that might make life easier for Charlie—maybe it would make him feel just a little better to come home to a clean, organized house. I started with the bathroom—it showed the most signs of neglect.

 

While I worked, Alice leaned against the doorjamb and asked nonchalant questions about my, well, our high school friends and what they been up to since she'd left. Her face stayed casual and emotionless, but I sensed her disapproval when she realized how little I could tell her. Or maybe I just had a guilty conscience after eavesdropping on her conversation with Charlie yesterday morning.

 

I was literally up to my elbows in Comet, scrubbing the floor of the bathtub, when the doorbell rang.

 

I looked to Alice at once, and her expression was perplexed, almost worried, which was strange; Alice was never taken by surprise.

 

"Hold on!" I shouted in the general direction of the front door, getting up and hurrying to the sink to rinse my arms off.

 

"Bella," Alice said with a trace of frustration in her voice, "I have a fairly good guess who that might be, and I think I'd better step out."

 

"Guess?" I echoed. Since when did Alice have to guess anything?

 

"If this is a repeat of my egregious lapse in foresight yesterday, then it's most likely Jacob Black or one of his… friends."

 

I stared at her, putting it together. "You can't see werewolves?"

 

She grimaced. "So it would seem." She was obviously annoyed by this fact—very annoyed.

 

The doorbell rang again—buzzing twice quickly and impatiently.

 

"You don't have go anywhere, Alice. You were here first."

 

She laughed her silvery little laugh—it had a dark edge. "Trust me—it wouldn't be a good idea to have me and Jacob Black in a room together."

 

She kissed my cheek swiftly before she vanished through Charlie's door—and out his back window, no doubt.

 

The doorbell rang again.

18. THE FUNERAL

 

 

I SPRINTED DOWN THE STAIRS AND THREW THE DOOR open.

 

It was Jacob, of course. Even blind, Alice wasn't slow.

 

He was standing about six feet back from the door, his nose wrinkled in distaste, but his face otherwise smooth—masklike. He didn't fool me; I could see the faint trembling of his hands.

 

Hostility rolled off of him in waves. It brought back that awful afternoon when he'd chosen Sam over me, and I felt my chin jerk up defensively in response.

 

Jacob's Rabbit idled by the curb with Jared behind the wheel and Embry in the passenger seat. I understood what this meant: they were afraid to let him come here alone. It made me sad, and a little annoyed. The Cullens weren't like that.

 

"Hey," I finally said when he didn't speak.

 

Jake pursed his lips, still hanging back from the door. His eyes flickered across the front of the house.

 

I ground my teeth. "She's not here. Do you need something?"

 

He hesitated. "You're alone?"

 

"Yes." I sighed.

 

"Can I talk to you a minute?"

 

"Of course you can, Jacob. Come on in."

 

Jacob glanced over his shoulder at his friends in the car. I saw Embry shake his head just a tiny bit. For some reason, this bugged me to no end.

 

My teeth clenched together again. "Chicken" I mumbled under my breath.

 

Jake's eyes flashed back to me, his thick, black brows pushing into a furious angle over his deep-set eyes. His jaw set, and he marched—there was no other way to describe the way he moved—up the sidewalk and shrugged past me into the house.

 

I locked gazes with first Jared and then Embry—I didn't like the hard way they eyed me; did they really think I would let anything hurt Jacob?—before I shut the door on them.

 

Jacob was in the hall behind me, staring at the mess of blankets in the living room.

 

"Slumber party?" he asked, his tone sarcastic.

 

"Yeah," I answered with the same level of acid. I didn't like Jacob when he acted this way. "What's it to you?"

 

He wrinkled his nose again like he smelled something unpleasant. "Where's your 'friend'?" I could hear the quotation marks in his tone.

 

"She had some errands to run. Look, Jacob, what do you want?"

 

Something about the room seemed to make him edgier—his long arms were quivering. He didn't answer my question. Instead he moved on to the kitchen, his restless eyes darting everywhere.

 

I followed him. He paced back and forth along the short counter.

 

"Hey," I said, putting myself in his way. He stopped pacing and stared down at me. "What's your problem?"

 

"I don't like having to be here."

 

That stung. I winced, and his eyes tightened.

 

"Then I'm sorry you had to come," I muttered. "Why don't you tell me what you need so you can leave?"

 

"I just have to ask you a couple of questions. It shouldn't take long. We have to get back for the funeral."

 

"Okay. Get it over with then." I was probably overdoing it with the antagonism, but I didn't want him to see how much this hurt. I knew I wasn't being fair. After all, I'd picked the bloodsucker over him last night. I'd hurt him first.

 

He took a deep breath, and his trembling fingers were suddenly still. His face smoothed into a serene mask.

 

"One of the Cullens is staying here with you," he stated.

 

"Yes. Alice Cullen."

 

He nodded thoughtfully. "How long is she here for?"

 

"As long as she wants to be." The belligerence was still there in my tone. "It's an open invitation."

 

"Do you think you could… please… explain to her about the other one—Victoria?"

 

I paled. "I told her about that."

 

He nodded. "You should know that we can only watch our own lands with a Cullen here. You'll only be safe in La Push. I can't protect you here anymore."

 

"Okay," I said in a small voice.

 

He looked away then, out the back windows. He didn't continue.

 

"Is that all?"

 

He kept his eyes on the glass as he answered. "Just one more thing."

 

I waited, but he didn't continue. "Yes?" I finally prompted.

 

"Are the rest of them coming back now?" he asked in a cool, quiet voice. It reminded me of Sam's always calm manner. Jacob was becoming more like Sam… I wondered why that bothered me so much.

 

Now I didn't speak. He looked back at my face with probing eyes.

 

"Well?" he asked. He struggled to conceal the tension behind his serene expression.

 

"No." I said finally. Grudgingly. "They aren't coming back."

 

His expression didn't change. "Okay. That's all."

 

I glared at him, annoyance rekindled. "Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren't coming to get you."

 

"Okay," he repeated, still calm.

 

That seemed to be it. Jacob walked swiftly from the kitchen. I waited to hear the front door open, but I heard nothing. I could hear the clock over the stove ticking, and I marveled again at how quiet he'd become.

 

What a disaster. How could I have alienated him so completely in such a short amount of time?

 

Would he forgive me when Alice was gone? What if he didn't?

 

I slumped against the counter and buried my face in my hands. How had I made such a mess of everything? But what could I have done differently? Even in hindsight, I couldn't think of any better way, any perfect course of action.

 

"Bella…?" Jacob asked in a troubled voice.

 

I pulled my face out of my hands to see Jacob hesitating in the kitchen doorway; he hadn't left when I'd thought. It was only when I saw the clear drops sparkling in my hands that I realized I was crying.

 

Jacob's calm expression was gone; his face was anxious and unsure. He walked quickly back to stand in front of me, ducking his head so that his eyes were closer to being on the same level with mine.

 

"Did it again, didn't I?"

 

"Did what?" I asked, my voice cracking.

 

"Broke my promise. Sorry."

 

"'S'okay," I mumbled. "I started it this time."

 

His face twisted. "I knew how you felt about them. It shouldn't have taken me by surprise like that."

 

I could see the revulsion in his eyes. I wanted to explain to him what Alice was really like, to defend her against the judgments he'd made, but something warned me that now was not the time.

 

So I just said, "Sorry," again.

 

"Let's not worry about it, okay? She's just visiting, right? She'll leave, and things will go back to normal."

 

"Can't I be friends with you both at the same time?" I asked, my voice not hiding an ounce of the hurt I felt.

 

He shook his head slowly. "No, I don't think you can."

 

I sniffed and stared at his big feet. "But you'll wait, right? You'll still be my friend, even though I love Alice, too?"

 

I didn't look up, afraid to see what he'd think of that last part. It took him a minute to answer, so I was probably right not to look.

 

"Yeah, I'll always be your friend," he said gruffly. "No matter what you love."

 

"Promise?"

 

"Promise."

 

I felt his arms wind around me, and I leaned against his chest, still sniffling. "This sucks."

 

"Yeah." Then he sniffed my hair and said, "Ew."

 

"What?" I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. "Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don't smell!"

 

He smiled a little. "Yes, you do—you smell like them. Blech. Too sweet—sickly sweet. And… icy. It burns my nose."

 

"Really?" That was strange. Alice smelled unbelievably wonderful. To a human, anyway. "But why would Alice think I smelled, too, then?"

 

That wiped his smile away. "Huh. Maybe I don't smell so good to her, either. Huh."

 

"Well, you both smell fine to me." I rested my head against him again. I was going to miss him terribly when he walked out my door. It was a nasty catch-22—on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever. I was going to die—metaphorically—when she left me. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Jake for any length of time? What a mess, I thought again.

 

"I'll miss you," Jacob whispered, echoing my thoughts. "Every minute. I hope she leaves soon."

 

"It really doesn't have to be that way, Jake."

 

He sighed. "Yes, it really does. Bella. You… love her. So I'd better not get anywhere near her. I'm not sure that I'm even-tempered enough to handle that. Sam would be mad if I broke the treaty, and"—his voice turned sarcastic—"you probably wouldn't like it too much if I killed your friend."

 

I recoiled from him when he said that, but he only tightened his arms, refusing to let me escape. "There's no point in avoiding the truth. That's the way things are, Bells."

 

"I do not like the way things are."

 

Jacob freed one arm so that he could cup his big brown hand under my chin and make me look at him. "Yeah. It was easier when we were both human, wasn't it?"

 

I sighed.

 

We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness—I didn't want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. At first his face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, his expression changed.

 

He released me, lifting his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw. I could feel his fingers tremble—not with anger this time. He pressed his palm against my cheek, so that my face was trapped between his burning hands.

 

"Bella," he whispered.

 

I was frozen.

 

No! I hadn't made this decision yet. I didn't know if I could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no consequences.

 

I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me.

 

Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. True love was forever lost. The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for other kisses? The mundane kind that didn't break any spells?

 

Maybe it would be easy—like holding his hand or having his arms around me. Maybe it would feel nice. Maybe it wouldn't feel like a betrayal. Besides, who was I betraying, anyway? Just myself.

 

Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face toward me. And I was still absolutely undecided.

 

The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek. His dark eyes did not free mine. I was too muddled to react, even to take advantage of the distraction.

 

"Swan residence," Jacob said, his husky voice low and intense.

 

Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, and his hand dropped from my face. His eyes went flat, his face blank, and I would have bet the measly remainder of my college f and that it was Alice.

 

I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone. Jacob ignored me.

 

"He's not here," Jacob said, and the words were menacing.

 

There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed, because he added unwillingly, "He's at the funeral."

 

Then Jacob hung up the phone. "Filthy bloodsucker," he muttered under his breath. The face he turned back to me was the bitter mask again.

 

"Who did you just hang up on?" I gasped, infuriated. "In my house, and on my phone?"

 

"Easy! He hung up on me!"

 

"He? Who was it?!"

 

He sneered the title. "Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

 

"Why didn't you let me talk to him?!"

 

"He didn't ask for you," Jacob said coldly. His face was smooth, expressionless, but his hands shook. "He asked where Charlie was and I told him. I don't think I broke any rules of etiquette."

 

"You listen to me, Jacob Black—"

 

But he obviously wasn't listening. He looked quickly over his shoulder, as if someone had called his name from the other room. His eyes went wide and his body stiff, then he started trembling. I listened too, automatically, but heard nothing.

 

"Bye, Bells," he spit out, and wheeled toward the front door.

 

I ran after him. "What is it?"

 

And then I ran into him, as he rocked back on his heels, cussing under his breath. He spun around again, knocking me sideways. I bobbled and fell to the floor, my legs tangled with his.

 

"Shoot, ow!" I protested as he hurriedly jerked his legs free one at a time.

 

I struggled to pull myself up as he darted for the back door; he suddenly froze again.

 

Alice stood motionless at the foot of the stairs.

 

"Bella," she choked.

 

I scrambled to my feet and lurched to her side. Her eyes were dazed and far away, her face drawn and whiter than bone. Her slim body trembled to an inner turmoil.

 

"Alice, what's wrong?" I cried. I put my hands on her face, trying to calm her.

 

Her eyes focused on mine abruptly, wide with pain.

 

"Edward," was all she whispered.

 

My body reacted faster than my mind was able to catch up with the implications of her reply. I didn't at first understand why the room was spinning or where the hollow roar in my ears was coming from. My mind labored, unable to make sense of Alice's bleak face and how it could possibly relate to Edward, while my body was already swaying, seeking the relief of unconsciousness before the reality could hit me.

 

The stairway tilted at the oddest angle.

 

Jacob's furious voice was suddenly in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. His new friends were clearly a bad influence.

 

I was on the couch without understanding how I got there, and Jacob was still swearing. It felt like there was an earthquake—the couch was shaking under me.

 

"What did you do to her?" he demanded.

 

Alice ignored him. "Bella? Bella, snap out of it. We have to hurry."

 

"Stay back," Jacob warned.

 

"Calm down, Jacob Black," Alice ordered. "You don't want to do that so close to her."

 

"I don't think I'll have any problem keeping my focus," he retorted, but his voice sounded a little cooler.

 

"Alice?" My voice was weak. "What happened?" I asked, even though I didn't want to hear.

 

"I don't know," she suddenly wailed. "What is he thinking?!"

 

I labored to pull myself up despite the dizziness. I realized it was Jacob's arm I was gripping for balance. He was the one shaking, not the couch.

 

Alice was pulling a small silver phone from her bag when my eyes relocated her. Her fingers dialed the numbers so fast they were a blur.

 

"Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle now." Her voice whipped through the words. "Fine, as soon as he's back. No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?"

 

Alice paused now, listening with an expression that grew more appalled every second. Her mouth opened into a little O of horror, and the phone shook in her hand.

 

"Why?" she gasped. "Why would you do that, Rosalie?"

 

Whatever the answer was, it made her jaw tighten in anger. Her eyes flashed and narrowed.

 

"Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don't you think?" she asked acidly. "Yes, that's right. She's absolutely fine—I was wrong… It's a long story… But you're wrong about that part, too, that's why I'm calling… Yes, that's exactly what I saw."

 

Alice's voice was very hard and her lips were pulled back from her teeth. "It's a bit late for that, Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it." Alice snapped the phone shut with a sharp twist of her fingers.

 

Her eyes were tortured as she turned to face me.

 

"Alice," I blurted out quickly. I couldn't let her speak yet. I needed a few more seconds before she spoke and her words destroyed what was left of my life. "Alice, Carlisle is back, though. He called just before…"

 

She stared at me blankly. "How long ago?" she asked in a hollow voice.

 

"Half a minute before you showed up."

 

"What did he say?" She really focused now, waiting for my answer.

 

"I didn't talk to him." My eyes flickered to Jacob.

 

Alice turned her penetrating gaze on him. He flinched, but held his place next to me. He sit awkwardly, almost as if he were trying to shield me with his body.

 

"He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn't here," Jacob muttered resentfully.

 

"Is that everything?" Alice demanded, her voice like ice.

 

"Then he hung up on me," Jacob spit back. A tremor rolled down his spine, shaking me with it.

 

"You told him Charlie was at the funeral," I reminded him.

 

Alice jerked her head back toward me "What were his exact words?"

 

"He said, 'He's not here,' and when Carlisle asked where Charlie was, Jacob said, 'At the funeral.'"

 

Alice moaned and sank to her knees.

 

"Tell me Alice," I whispered.

 

"That wasn't Carlisle on the phone," she said hopelessly.

 

"Are you calling me a liar?" Jacob snarled from beside me.

 

Alice ignored him, focusing on my bewildered face.

 

"It was Edward." The words were just a choked whisper. "He thinks you're dead."

 

My mind started to work again. These words weren't the ones I'd been afraid of, and the relief cleared my head.

 

"Rosalie told him I killed myself, didn't she?" I said, sighing as I relaxed.

 

"Yes," Alice admitted, her eyes flashing hard again.

 

"In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for her to track him down to tell him this! Didn't she realize… or care…?" Her voice faded away in horror.

 

"And when Edward called here, he thought Jacob meant my funeral," I realized. It stung to know how close I'd been, just inches away from his voice. My nails dug into Jacob's arm, but he didn't flinch.

 

Alice looked at me strangely. "You're not upset," she whispered.

 

"Well, it's really rotten timing, but it will all get straightened out. The next time he calls, someone will tell him… what… really…" I trailed off. Her gaze strangled the words in my throat.

 

Why was she so panicked? Why was her face twisting now with pity and horror? What was it she had said to Rosalie on the phone just now? Something about what she'd seen… and Rosalie's remorse; Rosalie would never feel remorse for anything that happened to me. But if she'd hurt her family, hurt her brother…

 

"Bella," Alice whispered. "Edward won't call again. He believed her."

 

"I. Don't. Understand." My mouth framed each word in silence. I couldn't push the air out to actually say the words that would make her explain what that meant.

 

"He's going to Italy."

 

It took the length of one heartbeat for me to comprehend.