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DOCTOR JOKES. Match the columns.




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Patient 1. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a bell. 2. Doctor, Doctor! I only have 30 seconds left to live. 3. Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains. 4. Doctor, Doctor! My hair’s coming out. Can you give me something to keep it in? 5. Doctor, Doctor! I keep thinking there’s two of me. 6. Doctor, Doctor! I’m becoming invisible. 7. Doctor, Doctor! What’s the best way to prevent wrinkles? 8. Doctor, Doctor! Every time I drink tea I get a stabbing pain in my left eye. 9. Doctor! Doctor! How can I stop myself from dying? 10. Doctor, Doctor! I’ve got wind. Can you give me something for it? 11. Doctor, Doctor! Every bone in my body aches. 12. Doctor, Doctor! I’ve broken my arm in two places. 13. Doctor! Doctor! I think I’ve got measles. 14. Doctor, Doctor! My husband thinks he’s a dustbin. 15. D-d-d-oc-oc-t-t-or, d-d-d-oc-oc-t-t-or, I-I ha-ha- have trou-bbb-bbb-le ss-ss-sp-eak-eak-in-ing. Doctor a.Take the spoon out of the cup next time. b. Don’t sleep with your clothes on. c. Stay in the living room. d. Give me a ring next week. e. Just a minute, please. f. Pull yourself together, man. g. Who said that? h. Certainly. How about a paper bag? i. How about a kite? j. Don’t talk rubbish! k. One at a time, please. l. That’s a rash thing to say. m. Just be glad you are not a herring. n. Sorry, I wasn’t listening. What was that again? o. Don’t go back to either of them.






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