· An «agreeable person», according to the late Lord Beaconsfield's definition, being «a person who agrees with you».
«Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow»
· Foolish people – when I say «foolish people» in this contemptuous way I mean people who entertain different opinions to mine.
· Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once.
· I don't so much mind hearing an old cat swear, but I can't bear to see a mere kitten give way to it. It seems sad in one so young.
· I fear we are most of us like Mrs. Poyser's bantam cock, who fancied the sun got up every morning to hear him crow.
· Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
· It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.
· Love is too pure a light to burn long among the noisome gases that we breathe, but before it is choked out we may use it as a torch to ignite the cozy fire of affection.
· Swearing relieves the feelings – that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't answer with her. She said I had no business to have such feelings.
«Three Men in a Boat»
· Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.
· It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do. It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
· I can't sit still and see another man slaving and working. I want to get up and superintend, and walk round with my hands in my pockets, and tell him what to do.
· I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.
· I take a great pride in my work; I take it down now and then and dust it. No man keeps his work in a better state of preservation than I do.
· I yearn for the good old days, when you could go about and tell people what you thought of them with a hatchet and a bow and arrows.
· People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.
· Take your own boat - unless, of course, you can take someone else's without any possible danger of being found out.
· That trout lay shattered into a thousand fragments - I say a thousand, but they may have only been nine hundred. I did not count them.
· That's Harris all over - so ready to take the burden of everything himself, and put it on the backs of other people.
· They both sighed, and sat down, with the air of early Christian martyrs trying to make themselves comfortable up against the stake.
«The Philosopher's Joke»
· I like to hear a woman speak well of her husband. It is a departure which, in my opinion, should be more encouraged than it is.
· «The artist,» remarked Mrs. Camelford, «from what I have seen of him would never know the inside of his shirt from the outside if his wife was not there to take it out of the drawer and put it over his head».